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Odd that you bring out the detail that you're an actress - not sure how that affects anything in your post.
Anyway, "distance makes the heart grow fonder" - at least for some, and maybe not for the guy in question. It sounds like he doesn't want more and that you keep taking the crumbs he is offering, leading him to keep taking what he can get. You need to break it off - then be prepared for him to keep coming around. But you'll probably never be able to know if/when you've moved beyond booty call status so just start dating others.
Hi! I'm a twenty-something actress living in LA and I need a bit of help with this guy.
We've been dating for 2 moths now, with a frequency of 2 dates/week.
I use the term "dating" very loosely. We've had maybe 1-2 full fledged dates. The rest of them were late night calls (8-9 pm) made at the last minute. And yes, sex happened. I don't know his friends, he doesn't know mine. We don't make plans together. He almost *never* texts me in between dates. Those "dates" never happen when they should - meaning he never calls during the week-end.I'm the Monday and Thursday girl. I think we can easily conclude I'm in the *booty call* zone here. Signs are everywhere.
Now here is where it gets muddy. He has a job that keeps him busy 6 days a week, from 7am to 9 pm. When he's not staying at his boss (I know his boss, I can testify this is true), he's staying at his family. He does late night errands for the guy sometimes (or so he says...is he seeing other people? In either case, we have never agreed for exclusivity, so that's the least of my problems). Bottom line is ... I rarely get to see him, or talk to him, and when I do, it usually involves only quick sex (because neither of us have our own place, so we don't really have any privacy.) It's like highschool, when you were hiding from your parents, only this time you're in your twenties and you're embarassed to tell your friends about it.
It wasn't like this in the beginning. First two weeks we texted a lot. When he asked for my number he was awkward and sweet and he had to try it twice before I figured out what was going on. We talked about everything. He was curious, and talkative and I had the feeling this was going somewhere. It didn't.
I would be ok with the booty call status (yes, you heard it right)...and I was ok with it for a while....if it weren't for a small detail: I've fallen in love with him. God knows how and on what basis, because as I said, I barely get to talk to the guy. And when I do, it probably involves something like "I'm coming. I'm coming."
I have a date with another guy tomorrow night. I don't really want to go.
I've tried ending things on three different occasions. I've told him that I resent being the booty call, and that it's best to part ways. He somehow never seems to take that as something true. He will text me two days later and I will be like "Hey what's up?" And he'll be like "Wanna get together?" ...and the rest you already know.
I want him to be my boyfriend. How do I fix this?
I'm going to put it bluntly. You can't fix it. (I'm a man by the way) men are hunters by nature. If he wanted you to be his girlfriend, he would've brought it up. You're already giving him the sex, and if you haven't had any dates in awhile, it means he's not interested in face to face time -with the exception of the missionary position- because a date would give you time to chat about things more meaningful.
Let it go! You'll find someone who wants that face to face time and to do fun things. You're in the booty call zone. Hope this helped
If you are really a 20 something actress in LA, you should have no shortage of options. Find an option that will give you what you want without trouble. It is out there.
Yes, this totally helped! Thank you so much, you guys. I knew some of the messages would be rough, that's why I made this post in the first place. Kinda like a wake-up call.
Everything you say makes a lot of sense. I actually re-read everything a couple of times, just to get it into my thick head.
To the person who asked why did I say I'm an actress - it doesn't really matter. It's my first post and I wanted to say something that will introduce me a little.
Someone said I clearly made this up. Haha! It sounds almost unbelievable, isn't it?
Every time I want to block his number, I get second thoughts. But the poster who said that if he would have liked to step up he would have done it the first time I told him about it, that person is totally right. He probably doesn't even take me seriously at this point.
Either way, I'm putting an end to this, one way or the other, tonight.
PS: The person who asked how can I have a date with another guy if I'm in love with the dude in question... Let me put it like this. You love eating chocolate, but that doesn't prevent you from having a salad when those thighs get to big. Lol. But seriously... There's a difference between being in love and keeping sane. If I thought my value was only in giving lip service to this jerk, I would be in serious trouble...
Yes, this totally helped! Thank you so much, you guys. I knew some of the messages would be rough, that's why I made this post in the first place. Kinda like a wake-up call.
Everything you say makes a lot of sense. I actually re-read everything a couple of times, just to get it into my thick head.
To the person who asked why did I say I'm an actress - it doesn't really matter. It's my first post and I wanted to say something that will introduce me a little.
Someone said I clearly made this up. Haha! It sounds almost unbelievable, isn't it?
Every time I want to block his number, I get second thoughts. But the poster who said that if he would have liked to step up he would have done it the first time I told him about it, that person is totally right. He probably doesn't even take me seriously at this point.
Either way, I'm putting an end to this, one way or the other, tonight.
PS: The person who asked how can I have a date with another guy if I'm in love with the dude in question... Let me put it like this. You love eating chocolate, but that doesn't prevent you from having a salad when those thighs get to big. Lol. But seriously... There's a difference between being in love and keeping sane. If I thought my value was only in giving lip service to this jerk, I would be in serious trouble...
That's good. Hopefully you won't end up like another girl I know who was a booty-call for 2 years with a man she wanted to date.
Spoiler
Like your guy, he was decent the 1st few months. Then he started ignoring her, only texting when he wanted sex. And even asked her to come over and strip for him and his friends. He already had a girlfriend when the booty-call started. His booty-call knew of that. But she thought she could get him to love her and leave his girlfriend. He never did in 2 years. And she finally left when his girlfriend dumped him, and he got a new girlfriend a little later. And the new girlfriend wasn't his BC. So when she was just gonna be the side booty to a new girl, she left. She complained and nagged him about being used, and his poor treatment of her. He usually ignored her, or brushed it off.
So really, when guys have you in the booty-call zone, alot of times you stay there. if they wanted something serious, nothing is keeping them from dating you, except the fact they don't want to.
And hopefully you'll be firm this time. because when you keep telling a man you don't want to see him again, only to end up in bed when he calls, he sure as heck won't take you any more seriously than he did. because he knows now that you're sprung. He knows you're not happy, but can't resist him. That's how the girl I mentioned acted. She's ended things with him 5-9 times before she finally meant it. And by the last time, he didn't even pay her any mind when she said she was finished. He just ignored her because he figured she wasn't going anywhere. By the end, if she ever complained, he ignored her. And told her outright he doesn't care to hear it. And her lack of backbone probably pushed her even further into booty-call territory. Because who wants a sprung doormat for a serious partner? She was all bark with no bite. She was 25 when it started.
Have you had casual sex before? Because it seems that some younger girls, teens and 20s tend to get attached through sex, and it enamors them to whatever guy they are currently + repeatedly sleeping with. So possibly beware in the future. because many people have a hard time keeping things casual, because they eventually start wanting more. And all they get is hurt.
Last edited by HappyRain; 12-13-2015 at 09:37 AM..
Hi! I'm a twenty-something actress living in LA and I need a bit of help with this guy.
We've been dating for 2 moths now, with a frequency of 2 dates/week.
I use the term "dating" very loosely. We've had maybe 1-2 full fledged dates. The rest of them were late night calls (8-9 pm) made at the last minute. And yes, sex happened. I don't know his friends, he doesn't know mine. We don't make plans together. He almost *never* texts me in between dates. Those "dates" never happen when they should - meaning he never calls during the week-end.I'm the Monday and Thursday girl. I think we can easily conclude I'm in the *booty call* zone here. Signs are everywhere.
Now here is where it gets muddy. He has a job that keeps him busy 6 days a week, from 7am to 9 pm. When he's not staying at his boss (I know his boss, I can testify this is true), he's staying at his family. He does late night errands for the guy sometimes (or so he says...is he seeing other people? In either case, we have never agreed for exclusivity, so that's the least of my problems). Bottom line is ... I rarely get to see him, or talk to him, and when I do, it usually involves only quick sex (because neither of us have our own place, so we don't really have any privacy.) It's like highschool, when you were hiding from your parents, only this time you're in your twenties and you're embarassed to tell your friends about it.
It wasn't like this in the beginning. First two weeks we texted a lot. When he asked for my number he was awkward and sweet and he had to try it twice before I figured out what was going on. We talked about everything. He was curious, and talkative and I had the feeling this was going somewhere. It didn't.
I would be ok with the booty call status (yes, you heard it right)...and I was ok with it for a while....if it weren't for a small detail: I've fallen in love with him. God knows how and on what basis, because as I said, I barely get to talk to the guy. And when I do, it probably involves something like "I'm coming. I'm coming."
I have a date with another guy tomorrow night. I don't really want to go.
I've tried ending things on three different occasions. I've told him that I resent being the booty call, and that it's best to part ways. He somehow never seems to take that as something true. He will text me two days later and I will be like "Hey what's up?" And he'll be like "Wanna get together?" ...and the rest you already know.
I want him to be my boyfriend. How do I fix this?
You aren't going to fix this. The majority of men don't get serious with their FWB. If he wanted you to be his woman, he would have made you his woman already. I may get blasted for this, but I don't know WHY women pretend they are good with being a FWB. To me, there is only a SMALL percentage of women who are TRULY..HONESTLY okay with it. And that could be because they are going through some things in their life, and don't want to commit, or the even smaller percentage that are wired like men, and just want to wh*re around.
Generally speaking, I don't think FWB is something a good deal of women are cut out to be in. Women are wired for romance, relationships, and commitment. Because at the end of the day, no matter how "kool" they are with it, women want love and a 'REAL' relationship; not to be pumped and dumped on Mondays and Thursdays. Even some of the biggest hoes out there don't want to be a hoe. If you think they don't want the commitment and white picket fence, you are mistaken. They can lie to themselves and the men they screw all day. But, when all is said and done, they will end up feeling the exact same thing this poster is saying.
My initial reaction to OP's post was "Why the Heck is she putting out for this guy without establishing a relationship" ?????? Maybe she is getting what she wanted in the beginning "Boy Toy" attitude..and has now become enamoured ( not in love ..but in Lust) with him...Huge difference...
Relationships take work..and NOT in the bedroom type work..So OP appears to have a totally weird conception of Love/relationships and just what it's all about!
Ohhh well..Until OP learns..she's doomed to repeat this scenario over and over again
You're in love with him. He's not in love with you. That is the problem with booty calls,someone usually gets hurt. He calls you when he gets urges, not to just talk to you or see how you are doing. He will find someone and fall in love with them, and those texts to you will stop.
Shame he doesnt leave you $20 when he leaves, at least you'd get something out of it.
That's hilarious! Is $20 the going rate these days?
My initial reaction to OP's post was "Why the Heck is she putting out for this guy without establishing a relationship" ?????? Maybe she is getting what she wanted in the beginning "Boy Toy" attitude..and has now become enamoured ( not in love ..but in Lust) with him...Huge difference...
Relationships take work..and NOT in the bedroom type work..So OP appears to have a totally weird conception of Love/relationships and just what it's all about!
Ohhh well..Until OP learns..she's doomed to repeat this scenario over and over again
What makes you think she hasn't already done so.
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