How do I move on without hurting so much (dating, boyfriend, girlfriend)

[TheRestlessMind]

Um hello, this is a bit awkward for me really. I suppose this is kind of my last resort in a way because I need feedback from people who know what they're talking about. My name is Ray, I'm 17 and a junior in high school. I'm going to tell this story from the beginning so maybe you can get a better understanding, I do warn it is a bit long. Well this all started in the beginning of the school year, September to be exact. I met this guy in my psychology class, we'll call him Ben. I became friends with him pretty quickly and the next thing I know we're going to homecoming together. This is my first date and really one of the first guys I've dealt with in that way. Homecoming ends up being a total disaster and my friends end up wanting to fight him which is totally uncalled for but it happened. We skip forward and a few days after homecoming Ben has a girlfriend however we are still talking, not really romantically, but still friends. Now what makes this girlfriend interesting is that she had a girlfriend, we'll go ahead and call her Nora. So I find out Ben and Nora are dating and of course I'm heartbroken because I really liked Ben. If we skip ahead it's fall break and I end up inviting Ben to see a movie with a group of my friends. This goes over well and at the end of the movie everyone else went home and so Ben and I were the only two left so he declared it a date and I was confused because I thought he had a girlfriend, but I later found out that they had broken up a fee days prior. That night, the first real date was perfect. We talked, laughed, and kissed. It was a stereotypical teen movie. So after this Ben and I start dating, it gets pretty serious. He meets my family and friends and it's good, but good never really lasts. Ben had told me that his ex Nora had used him for sex and of course that didn't sit well with me at all and she had been trying to talk to him, but he never would listen to her. I didn't get in the way of it because even if Ben were my boyfriend I didn't see their conflict as my business. Needless to say Ben forgives Nora and they become friends again. It never seemed right to me, but it wasn't my decision to make. Now we'll skip to thanksgiving. Ben joined my family and I for turkey day and something was off and everyone kind of sensed it. The next day Ben broke up with me. Now I'll tell you something about Ben and that is that he fears love, there were a lot of times where he came close to saying it and he'd shut down for a while and ignore me. Him breaking up with me was the biggest pain because in other relationships I never got as comfortable as I did when I was with Ben. He knew everything there was to know about me, he was my everything, I gave him my all. Ben wanted to be friends and I agreed because I loved him. I really did. The friendship didn't work needless to say. I had planned on transfering schools and I wanted to clear things up with Ben before I left, but he wouldn't let me. Now I think it's important to say that I have my fair share of problems, I struggle with depression and anxiety, and I take medication for it. I also was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder. Okay so the transfer schools thing was before winter break. I am back at my school because I couldn't go through with leaving. Ben is back with Nora, and I am friends with Nora, but I don't think it'll last. Ben texted me recently saying that I need to get tested. Just in case I guess, I think he's implying that he thinks I get around, which is not true and it just bothers me. I loved Ben with all my heart, I'd have given him the world if I could, but now...I still care, but I hate him and that bothers me. I'm unsure on hoe to handle this situation, I just need some advice. Thank you for listening.

[SageCats]

I think you posted in the wrong forum.
I can't imagine being a young person in high school today and having to deal with this kind of drama involving romance from both genders.
Maybe your medication is the problem? I'm not really for popping pills when one is feeling blue. Whatever happened to addressing the root of the problem?
Look, you are a junior in high school. Get your priorities straight. That should be to focus on finishing up HS this next year and a half and coming up with a plan of what to do next. Trade school? College? Jr college? Work?
Forget these people. High school crushes are just that and you'll meet plenty of people who share common interests with you soon enough.

[DougStark]

Originally Posted by SageCats

I think you posted in the wrong forum.
I can't imagine being a young person in high school today and having to deal with this kind of drama involving romance from both genders.
Maybe your medication is the problem? I'm not really for popping pills when one is feeling blue. Whatever happened to addressing the root of the problem?
Look, you are a junior in high school. Get your priorities straight. That should be to focus on finishing up HS this next year and a half and coming up with a plan of what to do next. Trade school? College? Jr college? Work?
Forget these people. High school crushes are just that and you'll meet plenty of people who share common interests with you soon enough.

I agree. Young people's emotions are all over the map; they're dealing with social norms, being popular, not wanting to be labeled, etc. As SageCats mentioned, concentrate on your academics. You won't regret this. Meet friends in a non-romantic setting, like sports, church groups, etc. That's my advice. Best regards.

[SMG]

Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted post has been deleted).


Restless Mind-Sorry you are hurting. Your pain should not be minimized due to being young. Yes, you will most likely see a few come and go over the years. But, that does not minimize the hurt you feel now.
I would recommend finding a forum with folks of similar ages that have experienced similar issues. This particular forum is Phoenix specific topics, you probably wont get the best advice here. Not to mention, a moderator will most likely take the topic down. I hope you feel better, this will pass.

[PoppySead]

Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted post has been deleted).


OP. You so won't remember this in ten years. Don't waste your life and move on. Trust me you'll have dozens of these relationships in the future but hopefully with people who have their crap together. Good luck sweetie! Old people are right, life is just too short to get hung up on anything. Move on.

[funymann]

Ok Ray, I'm assuming you are...gay or bi or female with a Guys name or lesbian??? I am so confused with this thread. I think you need to stay on meds and keep visiting your therapist.

[JasperJade]

Break-ups suck.

But the only way out of pain is through it.

It gets better. Talk to your therapist about it. He or she will have more specific advice especially for you.

[SinaloaPaisa]

Easy OP.

Get some new love in your life.

[zentropa]

I am so glad I am not a teenager these days. I see all the gender bending and sexual fluidity among this group and it is so confusing for everyone. My daughter has no fewer than 4 transgender friends, and we live in a pretty rural area! The pronouns are hell.

I am not sure if this is the way this generation is going (due to the vanishing stigma around sexuality and gender roles) or if this is just the current mode of teen rebellion and shocking the oldsters. (In my day it was pills and weed)

As for the OP, be true to who YOU are. Do not be swayed by your peers and social trends. Figure out who YOU are and what is best for YOU. Make a plan and stick to it.

[MarshallV84]

Paragraphs bro! Paragraphs. So many more people would read it.

Personally I'd cut ties and get on with life. Be polite to them in passing quit hanging out. Try to enjoy life and plan your future. Find a hobby to occupy your time and quit worrying about things that can't be changed. It's stressful and pointless.

But that's just me.