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I would wait if possible. I would hope the relationship was well underway to a LTR beforehand because separating at the end of the relationship would be really messy and drawn out. I wouldn't assume that when someone says "I love you" that the relationship is going to move toward the long term.
With that said, my then-future-wife and I were already roommates by the time of our official "dating" period (long story). We stuck it out because of financial reasons. It was kinda nice and allowed us to explore what it would be like to be married before actual being married. At some point, we were basically living like a couple... doing laundry together, cooking, eating, etc... By the time we moved to a cheaper apartment, we decided to save money and get a 1 bedroom unit. It was like this for a few years until we got officially engaged/married.
Oh yes... a few I know a couple couples that cohabited with their girlfriend/boyfriend ended getting pregnant. Human nature I guess...
OP, this is the important thing. Your feelings are valid. They're there for a reason, and you should honor them. Listen to that inner voice. If you ignore it and allow yourself to be pressured into doing something you're not comfortable with, most likely you'll end up regretting the decision.
It's unusual for people your age to move so fast, I think. With more relationship experience, people usually learn that they need more time to evaluate someone re: long-term relationship potential, to eliminate some of the pitfalls they've encountered earlier in their lives. Maybe it's not like that for everyone, but 3-4 months seems too soon. If you two were really right for each other, it might be different, but you're not feeling that. You may decide later that you're right for each other, but at this stage, you're having misgivings, so you should slow down. If she asks why, then you can discuss your misgivings. But don't allow someone to talk you out of respecting your feelings; that would be manipulative on their part.
OP, you would benefit greatly from reading this closely as it is very good advice.
It's unusual for people your age to move so fast, I think. With more relationship experience, people usually learn that they need more time to evaluate someone re: long-term relationship potential, to eliminate some of the pitfalls they've encountered earlier in their lives. Maybe it's not like that for everyone, but 3-4 months seems too soon. If you two were really right for each other, it might be different, but you're not feeling that. You may decide later that you're right for each other, but at this stage, you're having misgivings, so you should slow down. If she asks why, then you can discuss your misgivings. But don't allow someone to talk you out of respecting your feelings; that would be manipulative on their part.
LH and I were practically living together at 4 months, officially at 6. When I look back at that now, I think "damn, that was fast!" But as a 26 year old who knew he was "the one" it felt completely natural. To be honest, I don't know what I would do now. I think I'd want to keep my own place for awhile so I'd have somewhere to go if I needed to decompress. Though my thought after LH died was I'd eventually meet someone, I'd rent out my house and we'd move into "our" house that was a fresh start for us both without memories of a previous relationship attached to it.
I have a friend who just got engaged after 18 months. Both 40's, they've maintained separate residences with the decision they would move in together officially after they were engaged or married. They've both been married before and weren't in any hurry as they knew they were going to spend the rest of their lives together.
And yet another friend has been married previously and told her new guy that she doesn't want to get married again nor does she want to live with him - she needs her space. It's only been 6 months, so taht could of course change.
And a final friend is older (late 60's) and moved in with her bf of a little over a year very shortly after they started dating.
It really just depends on the two people involved. But I agree if you are questioning it and having doubts, it's not the right decision.
I see nothing wrong with people cohabitating almost immediately if neither person is tied down by material things or serious obligations. I think that's why young folks tend to shack up right away and older folks continue living separately.
Go ahead and do it and get things going.
Or if you don't feel right, then slow the whole process down a year and see where you are then.
Curious how many of you have moved in with your SO with the eventual goal of LTR, marraige, and kids, but didn't exchange "I Love you" (or weren't in-love) before the setting up of moving-in dates came up or maybe even before you were moved in together ?
It isn't necessary to say "I love you" before moving in together. Love grows over time. Sometimes it takes years to be certain you love someone. Forget everything you've seen in the movies. We humans express our love for one another through our actions, not our words.
When you love someone you will lay down your life for him/her. Think of your children (if you have any) or your parents and siblings. That's real love that lasts a lifetime. Most marriages and relationships don't last a season.
Ask yourself these questions: Is he nice to you? Is he mild mannered and mature? Is he verbally or mentally abusive? Is he responsible? Does he pay his bills on time? Are you two compatible? Do you respect each other? Actions and behavior are what matters the most, not words.
Ask yourself these questions: Is he nice to you? Is he mild mannered and mature? Is he verbally or mentally abusive? Is he responsible? Does he pay his bills on time? Are you two compatible? Do you respect each other? Actions and behavior are what matters the most, not words.
That's different. It's uncommon for a man to be sensitive about a woman saying "I love you." My apologies to OP. I would edit my previous post if I could.
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Must you be In-Love before moving in together ?
