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How could not have noticed all of this before marriage? I would think the bad grammar would apparent on the first date. You had to know he had no friends.
I guess I feel bad for him, he is the same person, yet you didn't seem to know him when you married him.
I had the same thoughts at first. Then I got to thinking, it very well could have been "opposites attract" and endearing in the beginning. Many people think similar or other traits are endearing at first. The stereotypical ditzy blonde girl who is nice, pretty and has "cute" traits, but overtime the cuteness, the ditzy behavior, is no longer endearing.
I certainly don't blame the OP for not finding these traits or personality characteristics compatible for her. If it's fine for others, great, but not everyone is going to find every personality quirk, trait or intellectual quirks endearing at first or in the long run.
I had the same thoughts at first. Then I got to thinking, it very well could have been "opposites attract" and endearing in the beginning. Many people think similar or other traits are endearing at first. The stereotypical ditzy blonde girl who is nice, pretty and has "cute" traits, but overtime the cuteness, the ditzy behavior, is no longer endearing.
I certainly don't blame the OP for not finding these traits or personality characteristics compatible for her. If it's fine for others, great, but not everyone is going to find every personality quirk, trait or intellectual quirks endearing at first or in the long run.
THANK YOU for completely getting my question/scenario without jumping to judgement about me as a person. You hit the nail right on the head. There are certain personality traits that eventually get very difficult to deal with/be around OVER TIME. Therefore, you don't quite know how much they get to you until AFTER THE FACT. Again, thanks for summing things up.
If he is so beneath you, why are YOU the one terrified to leave?
This is the core issue.
The same mentality that got her INTO this situation is the one that has prevented her from leaving.
It's kind of a blind dedication to an idea. The things that were "good enough" to draw her into the marriage, combined with her refusal/inability to see the REALITY of the situation rather than her fantasized version, are not enough to keep her there.
But divorce, when you have two small children and your life and health aren't really in danger, is a terrifying proposition for many people.
To those who feel the need to call me names such as snob or superior or all that and a bag of chips, please re-read my statement. I NEVER said I was "all that." Your statements demonstrate that you missed the point of my post. I came to seek CONSTRUCTIVE advice to work through my ongoing concerns. And more importantly, I came to see if someone else here has been or is currently in a similar situation. If so, please post. Otherwise, please DON'T and move on to the next thread. This is my real, SERIOUS life. Not a tv sitcom, so please think before you post.
The same mentality that got her INTO this situation is the one that has prevented her from leaving.
It's kind of a blind dedication to an idea. The things that were "good enough" to draw her into the marriage, combined with her refusal/inability to see the REALITY of the situation rather than her fantasized version, are not enough to keep her there.
But divorce, when you have two small children and your life and health aren't really in danger, is a terrifying proposition for many people.
If you want to work it out you need to change your thoughts. Instead of picking out the negative, emphasize the positives.
Any relationship is a compromise of elements, there is no getting all your needs met in one person.
I guess the bottom line question is whether you would happier alone, then with him. No other fictional guy in the picture.
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Someone told me once to be careful because "the thing that brings you together can be the thing that tears you apart".
So my guess is that you've been an intellectual nerd all your life and you found your husband's "naivete" charming and innocent...unpretentious. Now you just think he's a simpleton. So, you didn't really know yourself and know what you wanted. You went for "opposites attract" not realizing they "seldom hold"?
Get off the pot. It's clear you look down on your husband and you'll teach your kids to as well by how you treat him in front of them. You can dress it up as much as you want but you just plain think you're better than him and by golly, your "peers and coworkers" do too! I do find it interesting that you didn't say "friends"...do you or your husband have any?
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