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This would tell me all I need to know after 3.5 years and "owning an apartment" together.
I agree. How can you feel ready to buy an apartment with someone (plus it was his idea), but you're still not sure about a future with that person?
It is one thing if you're generally against the concept of marriage, but that doesn't seem the case here. He literally tells me he has doubts and still isn't sure after 3.5 years together.
Maybe he doesn't want kids, and assumes that a marriage to you would result in them. Have you two talked about that?
Having kids is no longer the default position. Tell him that it's marriage to him you're interested in; not Mammaville.
Maybe he doesn't want kids, and assumes that a marriage to you would result in them. Have you two talked about that?
Having kids is no longer the default position. Tell him that it's marriage to him you're interested in; not Mammaville.
Yea we've talked about it and we're both undecided about the topic. Both of us really don't want kids now, but we both say that maybe in a couple of years we'll change our minds.
3.5 yrs is a plenty enough time for him to decide if he wants to marry you. I'm pretty much against ultimatums, but if marriage is what you're after, you got to do what you got to do. Hopefully things work out. Breaking up is a mother f er so be prepared to break up, you can't drop any ultimatums on him and not expect that maybe he'll walk, just keep that in mind.
Yea we've talked about it and we're both undecided about the topic. Both of us really don't want kids now, but we both say that maybe in a couple of years we'll change our minds.
There's just too much ambivalence to make it to "forever" here.
To me, a lease or mortgage is not enough to keep two people together. It's not supposed to work this way. You don't want to spend your life with someone who is a default choice.
So you both purchased this apartment, together, before even getting engaged? Why on earth would you do that?
Before we bought th apartment, I told him I want to be engaged. He said sure, and that we'll get married. I was in no rush because I believed him, and since we already saw an amazing apartment we made an offer, and I didn't wanma force him to propose before that. I believed him and I believed we have the same expectations of the future, do I thought we can buy the apt and a couple of months later he'd propose. That never happenef. Of course now I regret that I trusted him on this.
There's just too much ambivalence to make it to "forever" here.
To me, a lease or mortgage is not enough to keep two people together. It's not supposed to work this way. You don't want to spend your life with someone who is a default choice.
What does this have to do with my answer on having kids in the future? I didn't get that.
What does this have to do with my answer on having kids in the future? I didn't get that.
Because you're in your 30s, you've been together for almost 4 years, and you have no idea if you want kids???
You just don't sound particularly inspired to be together and to move FORWARD, toward something.
Maybe you are, but the more you write, the less it sounds that way.
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