Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I helped heavily in a volunteer event late last year and had some t-shirts to deliver to some people volunteering. One of the women that volunteered suggested that we get a beer together as we exchange the shirts. She's a single person just like I am and an attractive and fun spirit to boot. While just chatting we got on to the subject of relationships. I asked her about her dating story. She has lived in Arkansas for about 12 years and lived in my town for 2. She is itching to move out of the state. I asked why is the itch so overbearing and she said Arkansas has nothing to really offer her anymore. She said relationship wise all it did was bring me a fun and exciting boyfriend in my early to mid 20s, to only see that same boyfriend come back around in my early 30s, who I realized still hadn't changed. He was still the person he was when we first met; however, I'm far from the same woman I was when we met. Just not the guy for me (makes sense).
Had a fun time having beers, and then one of her friends showed up, and we went to eat at a oyster restaurant in my town that was pretty good. No oysters for me.
I got home and was messaged by a woman on Facebook just to say hi. We chatted for a bit and I asked how her relationship was going, because her and I dated briefly, but she realized I wasn't the guy for her (more on that later). She said that they had broken up and that she was indifferent on seeing him, even though they were together for 6 months. Just broke up in the last couple of weeks. She also said that she wasn't the woman for him. She said that her and her dog is all she needs. Okay, what are you going to do when your dog dies? Don't get me wrong I love pets and wish I had one now, but if I had to choose between human love and animal love, I'm going to take human love every time. My most recent ex said that she wasn't the woman for me.
This whole statement of this isn't the person for me. I understand it, but I just don't always get it. I currently believe that I may never be as happy in a relationship as I was with my first love, and that saddens me. As I was getting dressed this morning, I realized that I could remember the dream I just had about her where we were together at some type of photoshoot and she was really flirty with me and wanted to take a picture with me. During my dream I could still recollect that she's happily married and with a child, so it made me wonder why she was so interested in taking a picture with me and being overly flirty? It bothers me, frustrates me, and makes me sad that I still dream about a woman who I haven't been in a relationship with for over 7 years. Deep down I feel she's the woman for me, but I also have to be honest and realistic with myself, what we had is gone and I'm fully aware and actively been moving on for the last 7 years. I never reach out to her, text her, call her, or Facebook her. The only time we ever talk is if we run into each other in person. Yet, her she is in my dream to remind me of something, just that something I don't know.
Anyways, how do people get around this they're just not the right person for me? I've found myself in too many situations where I thought I was the right person for someone and they didn't feel the same way at all, as well as, the alternative happen where I have no interest. Is it a way to shield ourselves from truly opening up to someone or is it always a valid statement? I've looked back at the people who tend to say that phrase and they've all been people who tended to stay single for very long periods of time. Like they go through phases of wanting a relationship and not wanting a relationship. I know the woman I talked to via Facebook last night and my most recent ex, both battled with some depression and both are currently dealing with some family issues at the moment.
OK! No question mark so I assume you just wanna rant.
There's plenty of question marks. Just read through the post. Some of it is just thinking out loud, but there's clear questions being asked in the last paragraph.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,758,476 times
Reputation: 41381
I think you just know internally whether a great person is the person for you or not. I've gotten a lot of grief for turning down nice girls I was just not attracted to. I see it as if I'm not into them, what right do I have to waste their time and potentially mess them up for the next guy who may be the best suited for them? I think you just have to listen to yourself and go with your gut on if you feel someone or not.
When I've felt that the person was not the right person for me, it was usually due to long term goals and values being divergent. Attraction wasn't an issue, compatibility was.
Although, to be honest, when a guy said it to me, I always took it to mean "not my type, appearance-wise." Attraction was the issue.
Not the person for me=I'm not interested in this person/I'm not happy with this person/I think I can do better than this person/I'd rather be single than with this person
Also, for those who have expressed this and stay single for long periods, often, it's due to something within them. One of my best friends has very seldom dated (just turned 39), because nobody is "quite right for him. "
It's true that his one longer term GF (together a year or so) wanted kids and he doesn't, so i get that. But overall, it's really kind of a matter of him being an acquired taste.
I think some of us have skewed fantasies about love. Love isn't the hot sex and the tingling toes...it is the guy/gal who comes over and brings you soup when you're sick...or the guy that tells you to stay in bed, he's got the baby.
My point is, you want the tingling toes and the chicken soup...and consider yourself lucky if you find that.
It isn't a fit, it is mutual compromise...if both make the other a priority...the differences can enhance any relationship.
"Not the right one" short hand for I and/or both of us were not interested enough to maneuver our differences to make it work.
When I've felt that the person was not the right person for me, it was usually due to long term goals and values being divergent. Attraction wasn't an issue, compatibility was.
Although, to be honest, when a guy said it to me, I always took it to mean "not my type, appearance-wise." Attraction was the issue.
This is what "you're not the person for me" means (at least to me). I once dated a guy who I was attracted to, but knew in the long run we would never work. We were just too different, but I refused to see it in the beginning because I liked the idea of being in a relationship, however a couple of months in I just couldn't do it anymore and broke it off.
sometimes what seems to be a good fit initially, isnt. two people can have similar interests, similar ideals, similar intelligence, etc. and on the surface can seem to be an ideal couple. but when you start digging down deeper, you find that they just dont work as well together as perhaps a couple that has substantially different interests, outlooks on life, etc.
in the end there has to be an emotional connection, a chemistry if you will, otherwise the people make good friends, but little more.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
