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it isnt just how comfortable a man feels around a woman, and it isnt how much respect the man has for a woman, or how much respect she has for herself, its actually a combination of all of it.
for instance, most women dont mind giving a friendly hug to a guy, as long as she trusts him. but sometimes us guys do go too far without rules, boundaries and limitations. i have set my own rules though when making physical contact with a woman, i touch nothing with sexual innuendos, no touching of the breasts or genitalia, unless she lets me. the first time i touch a womans breasts or butt for instance, usually SHE puts my hand there, not me.
OP, set the boundaries with the guys, and make them respect those boundaries. and you dont have to be mean about it, just firm.
I think some girls like to play-act they're one of the guys because they get to be a special member of the group - you know - the one girl in the group. But then it all goes a little too far and they don't want to let on that they don't really like all the horseplay. Get out of that group - nothing good happens to women in a group of guys...that's for sure.
I don't even know what the bolded means?
There are plenty of men who respect women within their group. The ones with whom the OP keeps company happen to be the exception to the rule.
It seems like a guy can lose respect for a woman if she lets him get too comfortable too soon but how soon is too soon? And how can you tell if a guy doesn't respect a woman?
I tend to joke around a lot and make fun of myself and the guy. I feel like guys can get too comfortable around me too soon. They'll touch my butt on the first date and say they felt "comfortable" around me, or play slap me on the second date. Another guy would call me stupid in a joking way or ask me if his friend could feel how muscular my butt is. Taking these things out of context sound really bad but it's not like I don't say something if it doesn't bother me. I have an easygoing personality and can joke like a guy, but I'm starting to worry if this is translating to men to treat me like another dude. I guess I don't really know how to act otherwise.
That's simply bad behavior, not being too comfortable.
I know many, many people with whom I am VERY comfortable and can tell almost anything, and NONE, none, full stop, of either sex smack my *ss.
I mean...what the what?
Seriously. I've been the token female on many occasions, but never ever has that led to anything disrespectful, let alone ass-grabbing. Maybe it's her, maybe it's them, maybe it's a combination of both.
When you are dating online you have plenty of opportunities to "out" douchey guys. You IM, text and talk on the phone. I found that chatting with them for a couple weeks will give enough time for them to show their true colors. Then I didn't have to date them, and it made for a drama free life.
I'm fun and am fine with off color jokes and all that stuff. I don't think any guy would think it was fine to grab my ass, offer for someone else to grab my ass (WTH?) and wasn't surprised that there wasn't sex on the first date.
You seem so eager for attention of the opposite sex that you create your own problems. Work on you first, then date. BTW, didn't you say you were going to stop dating for awhile?
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Your story makes me sad, OP. The behavior you describe shouldn't be happening, shouldn't be allowed (by you) to happen, and you shouldn't be making the choices you're making that lead you to end up with these people, in these situations.
TBH you sound in over your head with dating. You shouldn't be out there until you can identify and deal with whatever it is in you that's repeatedly putting you in these situations. And I say that out of sincere concern for you.
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I guess I don't really know how to act otherwise.
