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He still cares for you and loves you. He had to let you go because you have baby rabies and he was never able to convince himself to go there again. He doesn't contact you more because he knows the right thing to do is to let you go so you can eventually find a guy who is on the same page you are in regards to kids.
This makes me very sad because I don't think us separating was the answer.
Would you agree to never have kids and be OK with that? Is that fair? Would you want him to have more kids that he does not really want? Is that fair?
What other answer might there be? I cant' think of any.
Sometimes the hardest thing is the best thing.
My views on having children have always been the same...I will not have children if my circumstances are not right. This means financially, it has to be planned for, and it must be a mutual decision. If there was a circumstance that made things unfavorable to have children, then I wouldn't want to have children. I love children and have always wanted my own, but truthfully, I waited because I never found myself in a relationship that was appropriate to have them. I will not have children unless my circumstances are right. Now that I am getting older, I just want to know that option is on the table. Now there is also another issue...I was unable to conceive in my previous relationship. I was with a man who forbid me to take contraceptives and we had a normal sex life. No baby. I have always felt that I would have trouble conceiving but I put it in the back of my mind. Out of denial and fear I guess, but now that I am getting older, I wonder if I will have trouble conceiving.
I'm so stubborn. I don't care what his reasons were. I feel that we could have worked through it. I just want to be with the person I love and care for. As I type this, I feel like I am sounding like a little child. I need to grow up. Regardless of how him and I got to this point, we are here. There is no turning back, it doesn't look like that at all. I sent him a text apologizing and he respond. If I don't poke, I don't feel that I will hear from him ever again. I just need to move on with my life. I'm just having trouble picking myself up off the floor.
My views on having children have always been the same...I will not have children if my circumstances are not right. This means financially, it has to be planned for, and it must be a mutual decision. If there was a circumstance that made things unfavorable to have children, then I wouldn't want to have children. I love children and have always wanted my own, but truthfully, I waited because I never found myself in a relationship that was appropriate to have them. I will not have children unless my circumstances are right. Now that I am getting older, I just want to know that option is on the table. Now there is also another issue...I was unable to conceive in my previous relationship. I was with a man who forbid me to take contraceptives and we had a normal sex life. No baby. I have always felt that I would have trouble conceiving but I put it in the back of my mind. Out of denial and fear I guess, but now that I am getting older, I wonder if I will have trouble conceiving.
So, basically, the answer to your conundrum lies with you. Clearly, the relationship with this guy would make things "unfavorable" to have children.
When I was young, my girlfriend broke up with me because I did not want to have kids. She later got married and discovered she couldn't have kids anyway. The joke was on her. Make sure the joke is not on you.
So, basically, the answer to your conundrum lies with you. Clearly, the relationship with this guy would make things "unfavorable" to have children.
When I was young, my girlfriend broke up with me because I did not want to have kids. She later got married and discovered she couldn't have kids anyway. The joke was on her. Make sure the joke is not on you.
I do realize having children in this relationship would not be good in any angle. I want children, he doesn't want any more. He has a financial responsibility as he has custody...even more unfavorable. Even if having children was an option, I don't know if I will be able to conceive with ease. When I really think about the whole thing, I've always wanted children, but I would be ok if I decided not to have children. I don't want to bring a child into the world without being able to provide a proper environment for them. That has always been my views. To me, the larger issue was the negative mindset I carried throughout the relationship. I labeled and judged him because of his past and I constantly doubted him. Once I recognized and acknowledged what my problem was (after the breakup) I felt that I could work toward breaking those bad habits. That is the reason I want to continue the relationship.
I reached out to him to apologize. He responded saying he was thinking of me a lot. I don't feel he is playing with my emotions. I feel he is human and he does think of me. I would agree that it doesn't mean he wants to try to reconcile. I expressed that I wanted to save our relationship. Im certain I will not hear from him again. If I'm not poking around, he will not respond. I have to leave this alone. I can't take this emotional instability I am causing myself.
I do realize having children in this relationship would not be good in any angle. I want children, he doesn't want any more. He has a financial responsibility as he has custody...even more unfavorable. Even if having children was an option, I don't know if I will be able to conceive with ease. When I really think about the whole thing, I've always wanted children, but I would be ok if I decided not to have children. I don't want to bring a child into the world without being able to provide a proper environment for them. That has always been my views. To me, the larger issue was the negative mindset I carried throughout the relationship. I labeled and judged him because of his past and I constantly doubted. Once I recognized and acknowledged what my problem was, I felt that I could work toward breaking those bad habits. That is the reason I want to continue the relationship.
Everything about you is ME ME ME. You want to continue the relationship. Its painfully obvious he doesnt. A relationship is not all about you. Its a partnership. Its about what BOTH of you want. Move on.
This is in no way "just" about having kids, and you said that yourself earlier in the thread.
I know one thing ... you appear to be really good at ruminating and talking yourself into doing something that is not good for you.
I agree. The breakup up was not based solely on the fact that he didn't want more children and I did. There was so much more that complicated the matter. I honestly feel that my negative actions led him to think deeper about the children issue. I've always been a deep thinker and I over worry. I see that as one of my downfalls. I've caused myself a lot of problems from worrying myself sick over things. This situation is a prime example.
I agree. The breakup up was not based solely on the fact that he didn't want more children and I did. There was so much more that complicated the matter. I honestly feel that my negative actions led him to think deeper about the children issue. I've always been a deep thinker and I over worry. I see that as one of my downfalls. I've caused myself a lot of problems from worrying myself sick over things. This situation is a prime example.
Going back over this thread makes me pretty convinced that he was emotionally abusive with his silent treatment to you and not listening to your concerns. Even without the kids issue , I doubt he will ever really be there for you emotionally and really care about your needs. He sounds like a user to me.
You're having a hard time getting over this because you are going through withdrawal from the high you got from being in this dysfunction. I think your issues revolve around having to pick guys who are not really available to meet your needs in a relationship.
I have to guess that this comes from some kind of dysfunctional relationship with your own dad or the fact that your dad was there for you growing up. I say this because you also have a history of past abuse in at least one relationship before this. If this is the case, you definitely need therapy to help you to quit choosing guys like this. Therapy would also help you to get over this. Hopefully, you won't get back together with this guy again because, ultimately, it's going to be a train wreck.
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