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What is normal is what 2 people decide they want to do. Your brother isnt 18, he's 46. He can make his own decisions. If he's not happy with how things are, what does that have to do with you???
Please, let me clarify something. He does care about her autistic son. They do have a bond so please don't say he is not concerned about him. I just think that my brother thought that the amt of sex they were having during the dating time was going to be the same during the marriage time. My other brothers and sisters all have said that he's a slack parent and not willing to step up to the plate with his son. He just doesn't see it. My brother is just so focused on the sex until he's not attending to the other needs in the marriage. They are on two totally different pages. They do not watch TV together cause he doesn't like what she watches and vice versa. I've dated people before and we've had different tastes when it comes to TV but if I want her to watch one of my shows I must be willing to watch one of hers.
You've answered your own question, here. You can't get him to understand what marriages are about, because he's always focused narrowly, and on the wrong thing. He has a lot of maturing to do, and you can't make him do that. It's a growth process he needs to go through. The best you can do is suggest individual counseling for him, which would fall flat.
It's shameful that he never took that autistic child into account. It should be obvious to him that without help caring for the special-needs kid, his wife will be stressed and her focus and energy will be on her son. Since they're both working (right?), he should consider paying for a part-time caregiver. It sounds like he doesn't love the boy, hasn't accepted him as his own, and only regards him as something to be managed or disposed of in some way, through parents or other outside care. That's very unfair to the child.
Your brother sounds doomed to go through life with one divorce after another, never realizing that he's the common denominator.
Some people should not be married. Clearly the brother is one of them.
As for the kid, I'm thoroughly confused. In the op, it's stated that the "kids are gone", but apparently there's an autistic kid in the mix (and the wife focuses on taking care of him, not the family unit).
Otherwise, OP... You need to start recognizing that your brother isn't really looking for advice, but is looking to rag on his wife. The fact that he's disappointed that the counselor won't tell who's right and wrong speaks volumes. You have your idea what constitute a marriage, your brother sees differently. Not really your responsibility to "show him the way". Unless you want to sit and listen to drivel, tell your brother to deal with his problem and shut the door.
Some people should not be married. Clearly the brother is one of them.
As for the kid, I'm thoroughly confused. In the op, it's stated that the "kids are gone", but apparently there's an autistic kid in the mix (and the wife focuses on taking care of him, not the family unit).
Otherwise, OP... You need to start recognizing that your brother isn't really looking for advice, but is looking to rag on his wife. The fact that he's disappointed that the counselor won't tell who's right and wrong speaks volumes. You have your idea what constitute a marriage, your brother sees differently. Not really your responsibility to "show him the way". Unless you want to sit and listen to drivel, tell your brother to deal with his problem and shut the door.
This is coming from a third party, not even one of the people involved, so I am 100% sure we arent even getting the right story about the husband, much less the wife.
Its an issue between those two. OP needs to mind his own business and let those two work it out.
This is coming from a third party, not even one of the people involved, so I am 100% sure we aren't even getting the right story about the husband, much less the wife.
Its an issue between those two. OP needs to mind his own business and let those two work it out.
So, to sum it all up, they are at a stalemate: he's being a ****head because he's not getting laid... and yet a good part of the reason he's not getting laid is because he's being a ****head. And neither one is able to communicate like grownups and solve their own problems.
So, to sum it all up, they are at a stalemate: he's being a ****head because he's not getting laid... and yet a good part of the reason he's not getting laid is because he's being a ****head. And neither one is able to communicate like grownups and solve their own problems.
Was there evidence that he was a ****head before the sex stopped? He's handling his situation poorly, but being vexed about your partner in a monogamous relationship having almost no interest in sex seems normal, man or woman.
Was there evidence that he was a ****head before the sex stopped? He's handling his situation poorly, but being vexed about your partner in a monogamous relationship having almost no interest in sex seems normal, man or woman.
Only he and his wife know what the true catalyst is; we're left to speculate with a secondhand version of the story. Personally, I'd be pretty ****ty to be around too, if my spouse treated sex like an arduous chore that must only be endured during a specific window of time.
Please, let me clarify something. He does care about her autistic son. They do have a bond so please don't say he is not concerned about him. I just think that my brother thought that the amt of sex they were having during the dating time was going to be the same during the marriage time. My other brothers and sisters all have said that he's a slack parent and not willing to step up to the plate with his son. He just doesn't see it. My brother is just so focused on the sex until he's not attending to the other needs in the marriage. They are on two totally different pages. They do not watch TV together cause he doesn't like what she watches and vice versa. I've dated people before and we've had different tastes when it comes to TV but if I want her to watch one of my shows I must be willing to watch one of hers.
What other needs? Thanks for the clarification regarding the autistic son. As you can see, people here feel there's important info that's not included in the OP and subsequent posts, so it's hard to gauge the situation accurately.
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