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So in the last couple months, I have only been seeing my boyfriend one, maybe two evenings a week. He has been sick this week, so last night, I took the kids to a friends for a sleepover, grabbed his favorite pizza and took him dinner at his house. We ate, chatted then went and laid on his bed to watch tv. As soon as he held me, I drop off into a deep sleep. Like out cold. He held me for 4 hours, until I woke up to come home. I have a dog and can't sleep over the night. Here lately this happens every time I see him. It's no wonder he does not want to come over. He has not said anything, but I feel like a heel. Here he is sick and holding me while I crash.
I know the solution is to sleep next to him more. But I can't solve that on my own. I have always struggled with sleeping by myself. I just don't fall into a deep sleep unless I feel safe and secure. Not even with medication.
I came home last night about 1, and have tossed and turned until I just quit at 7 am. I walk around exhausted. Like more tired than I have ever been. Now don't get me wrong, I am very use to not sleeping, so for me to say I am exhausted, it means I have not slept well in months. Few days of sleepless nights and I am ok.
But I am mad at myself, because I see him 1-2 nights a week, not even all night, and I am wasting them by sleeping in his arms. This has only started since he stopped coming over 4-5 nights a week and sleeping over more often.
Unfortunately tossing a kid, dog or cat in the bed does not work. Some men don't give me the safe and secure feeling either. I have often said, if I had unlimited money, I would hire a man to sleep in my bed all night. Not for sex, but just be the safe body next to me keeping me safe, so I can sleep securely and soundly.
Just venting my frustrations with myself, I don't think there is a resolution.
Needing to sleep next to someone? It is pretty common. I have googled it a lot over the years.
I would say it is ingrained behavior, in my case, specifically having to protect myself at all times. But I was a homeless teenager. I slept with one eye open so to speak and I can't break the habit even now, that I sleep in a safe house with a shotgun next to me.
Part is also my job. I know more things about certain crimes than anyone should know. I can't shut that stuff off easily. I have to feel safe to let my defenses down.
ETA- add in the fact my sons father tried to kill me last fall so he could get custody and stop paying child support...yeah I think it is easy to understand why I feel the need to sleep with one eye open, unless I have someone guarding me.
Last edited by LowonLuck; 03-05-2016 at 06:03 AM..
You have a dog and a shotgun and you don't feel safe ? Do you live in Detroit ? Lol
No Baltimore... Lol
No seriously I live in one of the safest areas in my state. I moved from a house where my ex could easily stalk me last year. Only one thing has happened while at the new house. I had a tree stand up in the woods facing away from the house, and someone turned it to watch the house. He tried killing me a few miles away from the house while I was taking our son to preschool. He is now on a protection order. Gotta love our court system, but that is a whole not her' vent...
WARNING - OP just wants to shoot the $hit....no need for serious remedies, she'll reject them all.
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