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Guy D: Now he is the one that cut me off. We first started talking on Thursday, but really started talking on Friday. He wanted to meet me on Saturday, but I told him I already had plans (the truth). I told him that it would be better to meet next weekend, as this weekend was pretty packed, that I could do the following Friday, Saturday or Sunday. He said he wanted to meet during the week that waiting a week is too long. I told him the weekdays are also tough for me because I work in PR, we have a online commercial rolling out this week and my weeknight schedule can be very unpredictable. So he continued to push for the weeknights, and I hesitantly agreed to Monday (yesterday) to meet. Before I got out of work, my mom called me she needed me over because a pipe busted in her house, and she needed my help, so I rescheduled with him for today (Tuesday). Low and behold a deadline has been put on me and I have to work tonight since they made some major changes to the commercial and will probably have to work til 11pm. So I told him the situation, apologized that I had to reschedule again and I said we should just plan for this weekend, because my weeknights are pretty shot. I gave him options for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
It bothered him and he told me he is going to move on because I am too complicated to schedule and he didn't want to reschedule a third time. Now I completely understand from his perspective that its seems flaky and fishy, but I did warn him that weeknights are not good for me and I gave him ample alternative dates. Also, what I noticed about Guy C and Guy D, is they also want to move a little too fast. Guy C wanted to meet the next day, after less than 24 hours of meeting online and then before I even ever met him he wanted me to hang out with him and his friends at a bar. I felt like it was a bit pushy.
Guy D also similar. Less than 24 hours of talking and meeting each other online he wanted to meet the next day. What they both have in common though is that if you don't have a wide open schedule for them it seems to bother them. It's not that I am not trying, I give them ample options, but sorry if it's my best friend's 30th bday (who I have known since I was 7) vs. my second date with you, I am gonna pick my best friend. And the thing is if I say I can't do one day for our date I give them like 3-4 other dates that I CAN! It's not like I say "Sorry it's my friends bday" and then just drop out. I give them other options for dates to meet. It seems like both Guy C and Guy D want me to drop everything for them, yet we barely know each other. I'll drop important plans with other people once I get to Date #3 with you. But if we are on date #1, I am sorry my family and friends come first and if you don't get that you won't ever get me then. They are a little too intense methinks.
^ I have to be honest, UC...if I'd received that kind of runaround I'd cut the person off too. It would seem either like a lot of game-playing, or like he wasn't into me in the slightest.
And can I be yet a bit more honest? You DO seem complicated. You seem to really obsess over each and every interaction, much less date. Can't you just relax, enjoy the process and go out when you can, and otherwise, "Sorry, no, weekends are better, call me when you're free some weekend"?
Dating is supposed to be fun. If it isn't fun you don't go out on the date. End of story, no need to analyze every interaction. You both feel it, or you don't. Something feels "off," you don't go.
^ I have to be honest, UC...if I'd received that kind of runaround I'd cut the person off too. It would seem either like a lot of game-playing, or like he wasn't into me in the slightest.
And can I be honest? You DO seem complicated. You seem to really obsess over each and every interaction, much less date. Can't you just relax, enjoy the process and go out when you can, and otherwise, "Sorry, no, weekends are better, call me when you're free some weekend"?
Thanks for the feedback and you might be right. I can see how the runaround might be a turn off, so I think from now on I will just stick to dates I am 100% completely open and really don't forsee anything getting in the way (birthdays or work). So I think I will reserve the dates for weekends, and not go beyond that and make it clear to them. I do understand Guy D as that was a bit much rescheduling (even though I warned him). Guy C I wasn't giving him the runaround though.
This is all new territory for me so I am learning a lot. Little by little I am getting a better grasp.
I think that it is harder for members of the LGBT community to find partners because the community is smaller. The stigmas and additional hassles that LGBT face can make dating more...frustrating. For that reason, I would be more patient and keep trying. As some other people said, I would not obsess over every interaction you are having with these guys. If it feels "off" or it isn't flowing well, I'd just let it go.
If it was me, I'd date as many guys as I possibly could and not take it too seriously . If it is meant to be, I think it will become apparent if it is, the more guys that you go out with.
Guy D: Now he is the one that cut me off. We first started talking on Thursday, but really started talking on Friday. He wanted to meet me on Saturday, but I told him I already had plans (the truth). I told him that it would be better to meet next weekend, as this weekend was pretty packed, that I could do the following Friday, Saturday or Sunday. He said he wanted to meet during the week that waiting a week is too long. I told him the weekdays are also tough for me because I work in PR, we have a online commercial rolling out this week and my weeknight schedule can be very unpredictable. So he continued to push for the weeknights, and I hesitantly agreed to Monday (yesterday) to meet. Before I got out of work, my mom called me she needed me over because a pipe busted in her house, and she needed my help, so I rescheduled with him for today (Tuesday). Low and behold a deadline has been put on me and I have to work tonight since they made some major changes to the commercial and will probably have to work til 11pm. So I told him the situation, apologized that I had to reschedule again and I said we should just plan for this weekend, because my weeknights are pretty shot. I gave him options for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
It bothered him and he told me he is going to move on because I am too complicated to schedule and he didn't want to reschedule a third time. Now I completely understand from his perspective that its seems flaky and fishy, but I did warn him that weeknights are not good for me and I gave him ample alternative dates. Also, what I noticed about Guy C and Guy D, is they also want to move a little too fast. Guy C wanted to meet the next day, after less than 24 hours of meeting online and then before I even ever met him he wanted me to hang out with him and his friends at a bar. I felt like it was a bit pushy.
Guy D also similar. Less than 24 hours of talking and meeting each other online he wanted to meet the next day. What they both have in common though is that if you don't have a wide open schedule for them it seems to bother them. It's not that I am not trying, I give them ample options, but sorry if it's my best friend's 30th bday (who I have known since I was 7) vs. my second date with you, I am gonna pick my best friend. And the thing is if I say I can't do one day for our date I give them like 3-4 other dates that I CAN! It's not like I say "Sorry it's my friends bday" and then just drop out. I give them other options for dates to meet. It seems like both Guy C and Guy D want me to drop everything for them, yet we barely know each other. I'll drop important plans with other people once I get to Date #3 with you. But if we are on date #1, I am sorry my family and friends come first and if you don't get that you won't ever get me then. They are a little too intense methinks.
I don't blame guy D either, too much rescheduling. Also I never plan something a week out with a person I never met. The flake rate at that many days passed is extremely high. And guys know that. That's why they push for ASAP meetings
I don't blame guy D either, too much rescheduling. Also I never plan something a week out with a person I never met. The flake rate at that many days passed is extremely high. And guys know that. That's why they push for ASAP meetings
Thanks for that insight. I'm still learning so I appreciate it.
I think that it is harder for members of the LGBT community to find partners because the community is smaller. The stigmas and additional hassles that LGBT face can make dating more...frustrating. For that reason, I would be more patient and keep trying. As some other people said, I would not obsess over every interaction you are having with these guys. If it feels "off" or it isn't flowing well, I'd just let it go.
If it was me, I'd date as many guys as I possibly could and not take it too seriously . If it is meant to be, I think it will become apparent if it is, the more guys that you go out with.
It depends on where you live. My city has a huge gay population.
It depends on where you live. My city has a huge gay population.
And I think that is part of the problem. I am in Chicago and the LGBT community is huge. The problem is since guys think with their penises, and there are so many options here in Chicago, it seems like no one really wants to settle down. Too many options here for many people. Unfortunately I am not like that .
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. If it is meant to be, I think it will become apparent if it is, the more guys that you go out with.
. I live in the Midwest..the community is a little "quiet" here to say the least...
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