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...an investment of time, energy, money, and your heart. It's a risk and a gamble, and it is the process you go through when you're looking for a romantic relationship with someone. There isn't a way around this, there isn't a screening method that will provide you with a guarantee. You will get hurt, you will hurt someone else. You will experience joy and happiness. You will have to make compromises and sacrifices because it's about two people, not just you.
Why do some think there's a way around having to participate in the dating process to reach your goals and desires?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
...an investment of time, energy, money, and your heart. It's a risk and a gamble, and it is the process you go through when you're looking for a romantic relationship with someone. There isn't a way around this, there isn't a screening method that will provide you with a guarantee. You will get hurt, you will hurt someone else. You will experience joy and happiness. You will have to make compromises and sacrifices because it's about two people, not just you.
Why do some think there's a way around having to participate in the dating process to reach your goals and desires?
I think you are directing this at me in some sense. I know the dating process is a necessary evil. I am not as stupid as some here think I am. I am just trying to mitigate the risk I have to take NOT eliminate it.
They don't want to risk waking up one day and realize they "wasted" their life on someone who was only going to break their heart. They don't want to deal with pain of a love lost. They also have an unrealistic belief that love is all kittens and rainbows. Love is not always fine dining, movies, dancing, romantic walks in the park, there are hardships. Almost everyone wants what they see in movies but that's not real. Love in reality is very different.
In life, there are going to be a lot of failures, disappointments, suffering, sadness, and sorrow. But there is a choice. You either suffer through that and make the best of it, or become an angry spiteful person. They need to learn to accept the good around them. Be kind to themselves and others. There is no limit on bad or good things in life.
...an investment of time, energy, money, and your heart. It's a risk and a gamble, and it is the process you go through when you're looking for a romantic relationship with someone. There isn't a way around this, there isn't a screening method that will provide you with a guarantee. You will get hurt, you will hurt someone else. You will experience joy and happiness. You will have to make compromises and sacrifices because it's about two people, not just you.
Why do some think there's a way around having to participate in the dating process to reach your goals and desires?
I think it feels like harder work than it should be. I'm not sure where that feeling comes from, but you see it all over these pages and walking around in flesh and blood life all the time. That commercial with the easy button really taps into a pretty normal human desire. And then other media portray even difficult relationships as leading to a happy result most of the time, and far more often or more quickly than they do in fact.
I think it feels like harder work than it should be. I'm not sure where that feeling comes from, but you see it all over these pages and walking around in flesh and blood life all the time. That commercial with the easy button really taps into a pretty normal human desire. And then other media portray even difficult relationships as leading to a happy result most of the time, and far more often or more quickly than they do in fact.
Why do some think there's a way around having to participate in the dating process to reach your goals and desires?
I think depending on your life stage and social surroundings "the dating process" varies greatly. And many people do actually find people very easily in a friendly setting and just "click".
Just like many people have a natural knack for a marketable skill and "go through the motions" and get a job at a big company getting paid for said skill.
While others find out by trial and error what their skills are.
Dating for most really seems to be trial and error. Sometimes success is found in early trials.
People witness this success in others and think optimistically think it will apply to them. However most people eventually do find fulfillment for some amount of time or find another way to be content. It's natural for humans to express discontent about their situations
(By the way all humans are extraordinary optimists, different post, haha)
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Well, as I've said before, I can't really support dating as commonly practiced. I have had many, many negative experiences with having feelings for people and not a single positive one. I just want to get to know someone for a while on a platonic basis, so I know them and trust them. This whole thing with going into a romantic situation with someone I don't know and for whom I have no romantic feelings just makes no sense to me. More power to you if it works for you but it is not something in which I am interested.
Well, as I've said before, I can't really support dating as commonly practiced. I have had many, many negative experiences with having feelings for people and not a single positive one. I just want to get to know someone for a while on a platonic basis, so I know them and trust them. This whole thing with going into a romantic situation with someone I don't know and for whom I have no romantic feelings just makes no sense to me. More power to you if it works for you but it is not something in which I am interested.
Except that that's the way it works for most people. Dating, as is, isn't always a slam dunk, but it pays off often enough that it satisfies the dating public's expectations and makes the romantic/sexual connections that they want. Your preferred way is not what people expect and it doesn't work, even for you.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 03-16-2016 at 09:10 AM..
Dating also involves a lot of feeling and emotion. It's not always logical, not about return on investment, cost benefit analysis, etc.
It's not a transaction, it's an emotional connection between two people, and it seems the other person's feelings aren't often taken into consideration when you read posts here. So many are all about you and what you want and what you can "get". That's why I think many are not having success, if you're not looking for that partner to share a dating/relationship experience with, no matter how it turns out.
It's not a transaction, it's an emotional connection between two people, and it seems the other person's feelings aren't often taken into consideration when you read posts here. So many are all about you and what you want and what you can "get". That's why I think many are not having success, if you're not looking for that partner to share a dating/relationship experience with, no matter how it turns out.
Something I've been thinking about, too, is people's perceptions of themselves with regard to dating success. We've had many threads just in the past month where people will say that they have no luck dating because others think that they're ugly or everyone is mean or shallow. When you ask these people what, exactly, they do and say, it's obvious that it's their behavior that is what is hindering them. Not to get too Mean Girl about it, but it's not that people aren't attracted to them because they're ugly, it's because they come across as weird (and not the interesting good kind of weird) and uncomfortable, and that's what's off-putting to their target demographic.
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