Meeting my ex next week - do I still have a chance? (dates, girlfriend)

[hudini16]

After reading some of the posts I feel like this is a good place to get some advice. It's my first post so go easy on me

A bit of back story. I broke up with my girlfriend of nine months at the beginning of December last year so it has been nearly 4 months apart. I am the one who asked to split. Tbh I was really stressed with work, I had some personal issues with my brother and I was renovating a house by myself (nightmare) basically it all got too much and I just wanted out. The split was emotional but for the whole of December we were texting back and forth, almost as if nothing had happened. On the 28th December we agreed to meet at her place for a catch up. As soon as I saw her again it hit me. I just thought; what have I done? I truly love this girl, we fell back into laughing and joking and I couldn’t stop smiling. It got to midnight and I thought I should go. I was so close to kissing her but stopped myself. On the drive home I had to pull over because I thought I was going to be sick (dramatic I know)
So, the next day I didn’t know which way to turn. I spoke to some family members and they said you have to tell her how you feel. Instead of going back over there, I wrote a long text telling her how I felt. We had a long back and forth which culminated with us agreeing it was the right thing.

Two days later it all got too much again and I turned up at her house with flowers and told her how I felt to her face. She started crying, we talked (in the street) for a while and I ended up driving home.

For the next month I did what I shouldn’t have done and sent her texts telling her how I felt, that I was thinking about her, sent her messages when something reminded me of her. I couldn’t stop.

Come February and I found out about the no contact rule. I put this into place immediately and started talking to a couple of girls on Tinder. I started to feel a bit better in myself. I went on a few dates but all the while I couldn’t get **** out of my head. I was sitting opposite these girls thinking I wish you were ****.

It had been about a month of no contact and I had tickets to a comedy show. I had mentioned it to **** in December and she said she would come with me so I thought I would ask her. She text me back with a bit of small talk but ultimately said she couldn’t come.

So, we come to now. A few days ago I was thinking about giving it one last shot. She’s a teacher and is off for two weeks at the moment and I had booked some time off work to do some DIY on the house so I knew we were both going to be available.

I sent the following message -

ME - Hey ****, hope your good I’m off all week doing bits and pieces at the house. Can we meet up at a coffee shop for a catch up?
HER - I’m working tomorrow then away with the family until next week. I might be around next week X
ME - Oh yeah, you’re taking your parents and bro away, that’ll be really nice  Next week will be good, let me know when your back and we can arrange something.
ME - Have a good hol
HER - Thanks X

So, she has agreed to meet me. To be honest I was really surprised she got back to me at all, let alone within an hour or so.
I wanted to keep my texts short and sweet because in the past I have been a little ‘wordy’ and I didn’t want to come across as desperate.

She is on holiday now but I will text her next week to arrange something.

I just want to start from scratch with her, being friends just isn’t an option. I’m a completely different person now; my mind set has honestly changed. What I want from life is so different and I want to prove it to her.


So, what do you guys think? Am I setting myself up for a fall? Am I thinking too much into it? I’m not the emotional wreck I was 3 months ago but how should I act when I meet her?

Any help or advice would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading.

[SD4020]

Originally Posted by hudini16

After reading some of the posts I feel like this is a good place to get some advice.
.

OM Gee that is the funniest thing I've ever read here. This is a terrible place.

TL/DR.

But no, no change of getting back together. If you do you're going to face the same issues, even more so.

[BirdieBelle]

In all of that post, one thing became clear: HER feelings are not of the utmost importance to you.

I mean, only once did you even note what HER response was to all this ambivalence.

You broke up with her because you couldn't handle the stress of life, then you spent the next month or so hitting her up any and every time you felt like it. Frankly, that's pretty cruel.

Now you say that after 4 months you're a COMPLETELY different person??

Really, her text sounded like a brush-off. It didn't sound like she was all in. I think you would do well to put yourself in her shoes for once and consider what that's like.

[Katnan]

It sounds to me like all you've done is jerk her around. What is this nonsense about "finding out about the no contact rule? You broke up, but stayed in constant contact with her, then went cold on her for a month. Then you pop up and invite her to go to a show, and now you're back to trying to get together.

She did NOT agree to meet you, she brushed you off politely. How about leaving her alone? If she's interested, she'll contact you.

And how have you changed? What suddenly makes you a different person from a few months ago? I think you should move forward and meet someone new instead of trying to reconnect with someone you dumped, someone who was around for all of your being a emotional wreck. You can't just erase the past, and it sounds like she's moved on.

[hudini16]

Hi guys, thanks for your responses. Tbh, the cold, hard truth is what I need in this situation.

I acted like an idiot, I know that, I guess I was just fed up of everything. We had an argument a few days before breaking up. We didn't talk or text between the fight and breaking up and this led me to my rash decision. I really wish I had taken more time to think things through fully. No excuse I know, but that's what happened.

I really am a different person mentally. I know it sounds stupid but sometimes you really do need something like this to happen to make you realise what you've lost/given up. I just hope it's not too late, which I fear it already is.

If she texts me back once shes back from her holiday I will meet her. I she doesn't then I guess I will try to stop my self from contacting her.....

[RJ312]

Focus on new women.

[hawaiiancoconut]

I doubt, anything has changed in four months; you would like to believe you've learned and changed , but if you're really honest with yourself, you know its not the truth.

Move on, guy.

[reneeh63]

Why do you keep jerking her around? You act as though SOMETHING has changed but you don't say anything about your work or the house, whatever being different...sure doesn't sound like YOU have changed. Things quiet down for you for a minute and you suddenly start to miss her and talk to her again...that is just selfish because the next day it's back to same situation and you forget her again.

Just get your life under control and move on. The time is bad and you don't need to keep messing with her and holding her up when you're not ready for anything.

[ChiGal7]

How did you get that she agreed to meet you based on that text exchange that you posted? Her responses are very short and vague and uninterested. She is probably most likely sick of being jerked around by you but she is too nice of a person to come right out and tell you to get lost. She couldn't possibly sound more uninterested without coming right out and saying the words!

You're totally deluding yourself if you think she wants to see you again, much less get back together. Just because someone is cordial in interacting with you does not mean they want to be involved on any more deeper level than the superficial acquaintance.

You need to accept that she is likely over it, over you, and would likely prefer that you not contact her anymore. And let this be a huge lesson for your future that when life gets hard, you don't just shut down and run away from your partner. You work together to overcome whatever the problems are and always talk through issues before they blow up in your face.

[Londoncowboy30]

I think you might well have gotten back together or had a chance mate during the first period of getting back in contact but you can tell by her texting that she's not as enthusiastic as you would like her to be.

Personally I'm surprised you got this far as you dumped her in the first place, I understand you had this and that going on but you shouldn't have taken your frustrations out on her by dumping her when she's done nothing wrong.

I think this is what's in the back of her mind mate.