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Oh, I'm positive this is what happened to me with the person I was seeing just before I started seeing the man who is now my husband. He even used that exact phrase, how weird. (Although I guess it's a pretty common phrase..) He (the ex) seemed to be treating me SO badly and basically picking fights. He actually said to me, "You'd never have the guts to break up with me." I am certain that was a taunt and he was the one wishing he had the guts to do so. So I put him out of his misery by being the bad guy, the breaker-upper. I replied, "Actually, I do, so...let's break up."
He acted smug about it, I'm SURE that's exactly what he wanted, in fact just before that my son who was fixing his computer found loads of personal ad photos on the dude's computer so he obviously wanted to have some unhindered fun, but weirdly, he then came crying back three months later and wouldn't leave me alone for two years after that. He'd just keep checking in periodically to try to convince me that I still wanted to be with him. My announcing my marriage didn't dissuade him...what eventually did, was my saying "You called at a bad time, my maternity leave starts tomorrow and I'm too busy to talk with anyone today." Shocked hangup and I never heard from him again.
Oh, I'm positive this is what happened to me with the person I was seeing just before I started seeing the man who is now my husband. He even used that exact phrase, how weird. (Although I guess it's a pretty common phrase..) He (the ex) seemed to be treating me SO badly and basically picking fights. He actually said to me, "You'd never have the guts to break up with me." I am certain that was a taunt and he was the one wishing he had the guts to do so. So I put him out of his misery by being the bad guy, the breaker-upper. I replied, "Actually, I do, so...let's break up."
He acted smug about it, I'm SURE that's exactly what he wanted, in fact just before that my son who was fixing his computer found loads of personal ad photos on the dude's computer so he obviously wanted to have some unhindered fun, but weirdly, he then came crying back three months later and wouldn't leave me alone for two years after that. He'd just keep checking in periodically to try to convince me that I still wanted to be with him. My announcing my marriage didn't dissuade him...what eventually did, was my saying "You called at a bad time, my maternity leave starts tomorrow and I'm too busy to talk with anyone today." Shocked hangup and I never heard from him again.
Ha ha, well...I mean some people just don't want to be the bad guy. I think maybe he was afraid I'd burst into tears and make him feel bad or something? LOL! But actually I can kind of see that, though I don't approve of not just being an adult and ending it. I can see that some people may be afraid of feeling bad for doing the breaking up.
Yes, he called THE day before 12-year-old C was born which was the day before my maternity leave.
I don't know why the marriage part didn't phase him but having a child did, LOL. I guess it's no big deal to try to get a girl back if she's married but if she's 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant, OH WELL THEN FORGET IT...
LOL!!!
So OP, that's my answer to your question...from my perspective, if the person obviously doesn't want to be with me, why prolong the pain for both of us and wait for him to finally not be able to stand it any more? I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me. I don't care that he's too scared to do it, I'm not going to keep myself in misery just to prove a point. I'm going to jet.
Have any of you ever been in a relationship with someone that just couldn't bring themselves to break up with you? They kept making excuses about hanging out, talking on the phone, or even being intimate with you, pushing you to the point of where your so mad, that you end up breaking up with them, but they never had the guts to bring it up and tell you it just wasn't working out? What did you do in this situation and what do you think about people who do this sort of thing?
I dated someone for 17 months and we had problems, but he wouldn't break up with me so I had to be the one to do it. I guess he had his reasons for not breaking up with me, but I'm not sure what they were or how long things would've gone on if I hadn't ended things.
They do it so they don't have to be the bad guy - they make YOU the bad guy. That way they can tell everyone that you broke up with them. It's immaturity and cowardice at it's best.
Aren't you and your BF on a break that you initiated and aren't you the one who withheld intimacy? And now you want him back?
It sounds like he's already moving on. You should do the same.
The break I initiated is no longer active. That break was March 9th through March 25th. So the break period is over. Him and I did get together on March 25th, talked things over. Since then him and I have taken some time to ourselves to focus on own issues, family problems, and saving up to hang out and do things in the future.
The break I initiated is no longer active. That break was March 9th through March 25th. So the break period is over. Him and I did get together on March 25th, talked things over. Since then him and I have taken some time to ourselves to focus on own issues, family problems, and saving up to hang out and do things in the future.
So he still isn't coming back to you AND you're wondering whether he just doesn't have the guts to break up with you, you have stated that he doesn't text, email, call, video chat - that he says he'll do those things but he doesn't, that when the two of you do talk you fight and you're still insisting your "break is over" (no longer active) and are thinking the two of you are getting back together?
You aren't. Give up on this and find someone new.
NOBODY "takes time off to focus on (his or her) own issues" in lieu of trying to keep up a relationship that they want. "Stuff" happens all the time in every single person's life, including deep, difficult stuff and "family issues." When a person wants to be with you he will turn to you for comfort and input, not avoid you, if he wants to be with you in a relationship capacity. (Ever hear people who say adversity/hard times brought them closer?)
He is using this as an excuse to keep putting distance between you and yes, it's because he doesn't want to be the bad guy and actually break up with you. He's hoping you'll take a hint. Unfortunately, he didn't really call that one very accurately.
And not for nothing, but if I see "him and I" one more time I may be forced to gouge out my own eyes with a jagged spork. I'm not the grammar Nazi around here and overall I dislike seeing people do this but for the love of God. You've been corrected on that approximately ten thousand times so far. I mean sweet cheeses.
Okay, whew. Anyway. Time to move on from this association. (It's really not a relationship anymore.) He is giving you nothing, nada...not even anything to hope for. Yes, he wishes you'd be the bad guy and do the breaking up. Yes, he's just quickly nodding and yessing you when you ask pointed questions about the relationship so the conversation can be over already and he can slip quietly away. No, he's not coming back. Move on.
That's been me. Not proud of it. I always hope the other person would get tired of my BS and leave me. I just can't seem to leave people even if I want to. :/
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My announcing my marriage didn't dissuade him...what eventually did, was my saying "You called at a bad time, my maternity leave starts tomorrow and I'm too busy to talk with anyone today." Shocked hangup and I never heard from him again.
LOL!!!
