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She's my sister so it is my business...I care whether some lazy bum is mooching off of her.....she's told me many times she's not happy with the situation....so before you open your ugly mouth and make a stupid remark you don't know the whole situation....your probably one of those lazy bums that mooches off people to that's why you are defending it....
Quote:
Originally Posted by reen79
doesn't want to work anymore....and my sister seems to be ok with this....I mean wtf? its her life so I cant really say anything about it..
Apparently you can have it both ways when it suits your desire to meddle? Tend to your cats woman...
OK, I apologize for calling you obtuse. Oops. And snarky. Sincerely. I suspected that you wanted her to come out and just say it, and my "rhetorical" remark was along the same lines. She knows his income, she knew it when they married, and it's not realistic that it would have changed significantly in 2 years. Her shock is with how she actually feels about it. I strongly suspect that it's killing her lady boner for the guy, which is quite common when women earn more than the men they're with. Even women who are quite liberal frequently have expectations about what it is to be a man, and income is a big part of that. And men are just as quick to buy into this, perhaps more so because so many men see earning $$$ as a way to improve their "market value".
It's built into our biology. This is why the OP and other women will have problems being with someone earning less.
Men are built biologically for the workforce. You can work us 7 days a week. No man is getting pregnant. We're physically stronger which is better suited for manual labor. I couldn't tell you the number of times I as a manager that dealt with staffing had to deal with call offs due to baby issues (baby sitters, kids sick, etc.) By far more staffing issues with women.
Women are built biologically for giving birth and providing for children. They have mammary glands to feed infants, etc.. Research shows that infants especially interact different with their mothers than their fathers. There's a bond there that's unique and critical for healthy growth.
The point is we're built for these roles to have a healthy family unit, which is destroyed in our culture.
The reason why being we are now a healthcare/service-based economy. These jobs have a majority of women working in the workforce. At the last healthcare facility I worked at, our of 160 so employees a whole 5 of us were men. So we see more men going into these professions traditionally held in majority by women (ie Nursing, Physical Therapy, etc..)
So there is an imbalance currently in out society where women are making more than their husband. The result is a broken family unit. Women losing respect for their husbands due to financial issues. So they go solo, hire someone to watch the kids, etc.. A man becomes a distant third priority in their life.
The result is the kids we see now in the public schools.
No matter what anyone claims, a woman will always eventually resent their husband/SO eventually not making as much if not more than they are. Women's rights and all this talk of "equality" doesn't mean that this role has changed for a man.
my sister and her husband are like this....she makes way more than him and actually has a career.....he works but has never actually had a career or a good paying job with good benefits and never has goals to better himself...now he's pushing 54 with no retirement at all and now saying his body hurts and doesn't want to work anymore....and my sister seems to be ok with this....I mean wtf? its her life so I cant really say anything about it..but it bothers me to hear about it....she has always paid the majority of the bills and the fact that she's willing to do the majority of all the hard work and put all the stress on herself really annoys me.....he needs to stop depending on her and be a man....its to the point where he has already cut his hours at work...to now completely wanting to quit....they have one daughter but she's 14 so no reason for him to be a stay at home dad....I think it really does bother her that he is not stable. She's a really devout Christian that doesn't believe in divorce or anything like that..so she's doing all she can to work it out..but I feel bad for her because she's my sister and I don't want any man taking advantage of her..I think sometimes love is blind....
It has nothing to do with stability, he's just being lazy. As stated it's extremely normal for the woman to make more than the man in this day and age. It's just that in this situation the guy is acting like a 75 year old man. Some men just aren't career guys they would rather dabble in multiple fields and be a jack of all trades instead of doing the same stupid boring thing their entire life. just like some women aren't career women.
I for one believe that monogamy is unnatural for humans. However, what has made humans so successful on this planet is the ability to progress beyond what is imprinted in our biology... to further ourselves. I don't believe that destroys but instead builds... constructs... enhances.. and most importantly adapts to changing times/needs.
I see equalizing of gender roles as a good thing.. not a bad one. In my field of expertise, it brings to the workforce a larger brain share from which to tap. In nursing, it brings males into the workforce that have the ability to quickly and safely transport/transfer patients... and to contribute to care.
What is damaging to our society are the people who are so set in their views and perceptions as to inhibit progress. They are simply excuses for the status quo.
It's built into our biology. This is why the OP and other women will have problems being with someone earning less.
Men are built biologically for the workforce. You can work us 7 days a week. No man is getting pregnant. We're physically stronger which is better suited for manual labor. I couldn't tell you the number of times I as a manager that dealt with staffing had to deal with call offs due to baby issues (baby sitters, kids sick, etc.) By far more staffing issues with women.
Women are built biologically for giving birth and providing for children. They have mammary glands to feed infants, etc.. Research shows that infants especially interact different with their mothers than their fathers. There's a bond there that's unique and critical for healthy growth.
The point is we're built for these roles to have a healthy family unit, which is destroyed in our culture.
The reason why being we are now a healthcare/service-based economy. These jobs have a majority of women working in the workforce. At the last healthcare facility I worked at, our of 160 so employees a whole 5 of us were men. So we see more men going into these professions traditionally held in majority by women (ie Nursing, Physical Therapy, etc..)
So there is an imbalance currently in out society where women are making more than their husband. The result is a broken family unit. Women losing respect for their husbands due to financial issues. So they go solo, hire someone to watch the kids, etc.. A man becomes a distant third priority in their life.
The result is the kids we see now in the public schools.
No matter what anyone claims, a woman will always eventually resent their husband/SO eventually not making as much if not more than they are. Women's rights and all this talk of "equality" doesn't mean that this role has changed for a man.
I think you made some good points, but what are women who earn a decent salary supposed to do? I'm not rich, but if I only dated men who earned more than me, I'd be eliminating a lot of people.
I think you made some good points, but what are women who earn a decent salary supposed to do? I'm not rich, but if I only dated men who earned more than me, I'd be eliminating a lot of people.
Adapt your views and perceptions of gender roles in the family... embrace it. There are men out there who are the same. My neighbors across the street are one such example. The father is a laid back figure while the mother is a type A personality type. She pursued career and earns a good living. He was the SAHF for 5 years and now has re-entered the work force. It works for them... I believe the mother still is the stronger earner while the son has a stronger bond with the father.
PS> One of the things that is rarely discussed when it come to SAHF / SAHM is that it is easier for a woman to re-enter the work force. This is especially true with professions that are majority female (nursing example) as they were encouraged to accommodate for mothers re-entering work. The SAHF across the street had much difficulty re-entering the workforce after being out for 5 years to raise his son (his profession is majority male workforce).
It's built into our biology. This is why the OP and other women will have problems being with someone earning less.
Men are built biologically for the workforce. You can work us 7 days a week. No man is getting pregnant. We're physically stronger which is better suited for manual labor. I couldn't tell you the number of times I as a manager that dealt with staffing had to deal with call offs due to baby issues (baby sitters, kids sick, etc.) By far more staffing issues with women.
Women are built biologically for giving birth and providing for children. They have mammary glands to feed infants, etc.. Research shows that infants especially interact different with their mothers than their fathers. There's a bond there that's unique and critical for healthy growth.
The point is we're built for these roles to have a healthy family unit, which is destroyed in our culture.
The reason why being we are now a healthcare/service-based economy. These jobs have a majority of women working in the workforce. At the last healthcare facility I worked at, our of 160 so employees a whole 5 of us were men. So we see more men going into these professions traditionally held in majority by women (ie Nursing, Physical Therapy, etc..)
So there is an imbalance currently in out society where women are making more than their husband. The result is a broken family unit. Women losing respect for their husbands due to financial issues. So they go solo, hire someone to watch the kids, etc.. A man becomes a distant third priority in their life.
The result is the kids we see now in the public schools.
No matter what anyone claims, a woman will always eventually resent their husband/SO eventually not making as much if not more than they are. Women's rights and all this talk of "equality" doesn't mean that this role has changed for a man.
This is some serious 1955 drivel right here.... and there's a lot of women in unhappy relationships because they were brainwashed to think this way.
When I look at all of the relationships I've analyzed in the past 20 years the ones where the woman made more actually have a higher success rate and happiness level. Because these women looked for true love. The success rate is actually higher in relationships where the woman makes more.
The high divorce rate was created due to women ending up with guys they are not actually compatible with or attracted to just because they were brainwashed with the 1955 bull$%^& that the guy has to make more than her.
The women that have seen the light find true happiness because they aren't tied down with age old outdated theories from the caveman era.
I think you made some good points, but what are women who earn a decent salary supposed to do? I'm not rich, but if I only dated men who earned more than me, I'd be eliminating a lot of people.
Make sure that your man/relationship is your first priority, not a distant third as Mike's post suggests. The rest will work itself out.
Ok I am over that feeling I had yesterday. Thanks everyone for your comments. Some of you gave me something to think about & others reconfirmed why I choose this path. Just to clarify few things:
No I don't wish nor do I ever question if 'i can do better'. I am happy with him but like all couple we have several differences, one of the major difference is our spending ideology. I am naturally frugal and never felt the need to "show off" to world. While he is a dreamer and a classic "show off" in my opinion. But he doesn't act on his crazy dream unless I support it.
To some the separate finance might sound crazy but it works. We have "dont ask, dont tell' attitude. So he is just as free to do what he wants with his income as I am with mine. It works both way, not just to my advantage.
I'm the saver in my relationship and though we make practically the same, I still get tired ALWAYS being the "good one". We share some expenses but are mostly separate. It's just that the more HE spends the more I feel like I have to scrimp on mine to make up for it. It's not fun at all...and sometimes I'd like him to grow up a little so I could go a little crazy sometimes! But in the end, either you're compatible or not and people don't change, so...yeah.
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