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Hence why I've set some boundaries in my personal life. With women I really liked, and I felt they felt the same about me, sex wasn't the issue. We both wanted that. They'd just flame out.
For the time being, I'm on a vow of celibacy until I can meet someone who I believe there's a future with. It hasn't been completely horrible so far, which has been great.
That's great to hear!
There is so much focus on sexual compatibility when the other areas of compatibility are of equal and, many times, greater importance than sex.
There is no need to have sex on a first date, no harm in taking time to get to know someone. You may discover you really aren't compatible and shouldn't be having sex with them in the first place, just for the sake of having sex.
Oh, I get that. Dating around is pricey. I am focusing on one person now, but quite honestly it is hard from having 4-5 dates a week and having sex multiple times a week to going back to trying to schedule 1 or 2 dates a week (last week 3, this week none) and one overnight a week. It's a challenge. I think the potential with this person is totally worth it (it takes a lot of looking around to find someone you're interested in having a relationship with that is interested in having one with you too), and I'm saving money, but yeah, its not the easiest switch to flip.
I stopped reading your post after reading the bolded comment. That's why you make an investment in a person, because you feel the potential is totally worth it. Sure you may miss sleeping around, but there's a reason you're putting all your eggs in one basket with this woman. She's worth sacrificing good sex with other women, because she brings that emotional aspect that you're really after. Physical is great, but I really need and want that emotional part.
There is so much focus on sexual compatibility when the other areas of compatibility are of equal and, many times, greater importance than sex.
There is no need to have sex on a first date, no harm in taking time to get to know someone. You may discover you really aren't compatible and shouldn't be having sex with them in the first place, just for the sake of having sex.
With my flame out a couple months ago. It wasn't about sex at all with her. She was absolutely gorgeous and she took the lead on the sexual part, I just followed her commands. When it's someone I really like, it's not having sex just to have sex. I can't say the same thing about FWBs I had in the past, but I also knew there was no future there either. I just recently decided to shut everything down and work on me. It's been hard at times, because I always avoided loneliness by calling or texting a woman to keep me company (sexually or not). Now, it's just me, myself, and I.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
I stopped reading your post after reading the bolded comment. That's why you make an investment in a person, because you feel the potential is totally worth it. Sure you may miss sleeping around, but there's a reason you're putting all your eggs in one basket with this woman. She's worth sacrificing good sex with other women, because she brings that emotional aspect that you're really after. Physical is great, but I really need and want that emotional part.
Yeah, I'm not sure if the emotional will be there, its only 6-7 weeks in, but we have an uncommon overlap of interests, several of our first dates were 12-16 hrs, and not just partying and sexing, but hiking, great conversations, etc. So, we will see. The scheduling part has sucked it recently though with my travel, and her event schedule, etc. Anyway, you (or I) have to take a chance on love... or I do to get what I want.
With my flame out a couple months ago. It wasn't about sex at all with her. She was absolutely gorgeous and she took the lead on the sexual part, I just followed her commands. When it's someone I really like, it's not having sex just to have sex. I can't say the same thing about FWBs I had in the past, but I also knew there was no future there either. I just recently decided to shut everything down and work on me. It's been hard at times, because I always avoided loneliness by calling or texting a woman to keep me company (sexually or not). Now, it's just me, myself, and I.
That's a different animal, ain't it. True solitude. High Lonesome. Just you and the wind. Gets a guy to thinking. When you're in that place, you can hear the voices from every single encounter you've ever had the pleasure of experiencing. Plus a few others. It can be hard to come back down from there sometimes. Especially if you went there because of hurt. Coming down means it might happen again.
But come down we must, and will. Usually when you're not looking to.
That's a different animal, ain't it. True solitude. High Lonesome. Just you and the wind. Gets a guy to thinking. When you're in that place, you can hear the voices from every single encounter you've ever had the pleasure of experiencing. Plus a few others. It can be hard to come back down from there sometimes. Especially if you went there because of hurt. Coming down means it might happen again.
But come down we must, and will. Usually when you're not looking to.
I don't mind the coming back down to earth part. I'm just ready to do it with the right person, and not someone that's going to be here today, gone tomorrow. There's something about long-term commitment that my friends have that really seems to make them happy. Even though they have arguments like everyone else, at the end of the day, they're a team. I miss the team aspect of a relationship. Not just me living my life and her living her life, but our lives intertwining together.
I don't mind the coming back down to earth part. I'm just ready to do it with the right person, and not someone that's going to be here today, gone tomorrow. There's something about long-term commitment that my friends have that really seems to make them happy. Even though they have arguments like everyone else, at the end of the day, they're a team. I miss the team aspect of a relationship. Not just me living my life and her living her life, but our lives intertwining together.
There is something to be said for real committment. I love it, and I love her. Even when we disagree, or she's mad at me for leaving the toilet seat up..again, lol. She's beautiful when she's mad. Her eyes flash, her cheeks flush, I swear, her hair stand up with static electricity. She's so tiny, when her hackles are up , its quite a sight, and the disagreement or infraction will just disappear because I can't resist her, and can't help but smile, even laugh. Shes my best friend, playmate, lover, support system, and everything to me.
You'll find what you're looking for, just remember, a person who's looking for something doesn't travel very fast.
That feeling when sex/hooking up has lost its luster, any one else know how this feel?
For me, its not so much the lost of luster, but the time and effort put into hooking up.
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She's so tiny, when her hackles are up , its quite a sight, and the disagreement or infraction will just disappear because I can't resist her, and can't help but smile, even laugh. Shes my best friend, playmate, lover, support system, and everything to me. 
That feeling when sex/hooking up has lost its luster, any one else know how this feel?
