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Thank you for all your quick replies!! Super. I would definitiely not say that I do not love him, my day to day life is great with him and we are always cuddling and kissing, I love being in his company and really respect him as a person.
There are certain drawbacks to our Relationship namely that I moved to a different country where i knew noone for him so thats pretty hard. And I dont think its specifically wedding nerves as I felt like this even before. A few months ago I got really upset and let it all burst out that I was worried and that I just had a feeling like its not right (which is the same feeling as now). He asked me to explain more but I just couldnt, beyond "it doesnt feel 100% right" Ihad nothing.... I do admit that I am less sttracted to him than before and have noticed a big drop in my sex drive over the last 6 months or so....(so now you have all the info).
JerZ I totally get yor point. This is why i'm so tawn up, I feel like I should be in it 100% and that its really not ok if I'm not...hence my panic. I am not one to go into marriage with my get out of jail free (aka divorce) card in th bank of my mind.
Am going to speak to him about it tonight, but its hard when I dont know and cant really explain why i am feeling the way I am. Wish me luck! I'll keep you updated.
And please keep coming with the advice I need as much as I can get...
How old are you? Have you had other bfs before him? Do you have friends?
Remember that things are NEVER going to be perfect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConeyGirl52
Nothing in life is 100% perfect.
I just wanted to point out that OP didn't say the relationship isn't 100% perfect but that it doesn't feel "100% right". There is a big difference. I do believe that when you marry someone, it should feel 100% right.
Listen to your gut, OP. I don't think this is cold feet or fear of commitment since you were feeling this way before he proposed. It's going to be a tough conversation but you need to talk to him about this. Whether it's ending the engagement or taking a break to reassess your feelings.
I'm 27 and I've been in serious relationships in the past but this is the first time I have lived with a boyfriend. Yes I have lots of friends, all my best friends are back in my home country, but I also have some good friends where I live now too.
I don't think I'm living in complete dreamland, we do argue occasionally and he is irritating at times (but hey, who isn't!) and we have different opinions about trivial stuff, but I wouldnt at all say that was a problem or detrimental to our relationship.
I came clean and told him I was having doubts and we both got really upset...I tried to explain as best I could, but it's not easy to describe when I have can't explian why im feeling like this. He was devostated and now I feel like a b**** but I know i couldnt have keep this to myself, it wouldnt be right. At least he knows where I am at and we can take it from there.
The more I think about it the more I dont want to imagine my life without him, but if this feeling persists I think I will have to call it off, I dont want to repress my emotions then end up regretting it further down the line when there are bigger things at stake like a mariage and children. I think i need to give it a bit of time to see what my gut tells me after some serious reflection
I'm 27 and I've been in serious relationships in the past but this is the first time I have lived with a boyfriend. Yes I have lots of friends, all my best friends are back in my home country, but I also have some good friends where I live now too.
I don't think I'm living in complete dreamland, we do argue occasionally and he is irritating at times (but hey, who isn't!) and we have different opinions about trivial stuff, but I wouldnt at all say that was a problem or detrimental to our relationship.
I came clean and told him I was having doubts and we both got really upset...I tried to explain as best I could, but it's not easy to describe when I have can't explian why im feeling like this. He was devostated and now I feel like a b**** but I know i couldnt have keep this to myself, it wouldnt be right. At least he knows where I am at and we can take it from there.
The more I think about it the more I dont want to imagine my life without him, but if this feeling persists I think I will have to call it off, I dont want to repress my emotions then end up regretting it further down the line when there are bigger things at stake like a mariage and children. I think i need to give it a bit of time to see what my gut tells me after some serious reflection
You might have blown it. Sometimes it's better to keep your neuroses to yourself.
I'm 27 and I've been in serious relationships in the past but this is the first time I have lived with a boyfriend. Yes I have lots of friends, all my best friends are back in my home country, but I also have some good friends where I live now too.
I don't think I'm living in complete dreamland, we do argue occasionally and he is irritating at times (but hey, who isn't!) and we have different opinions about trivial stuff, but I wouldnt at all say that was a problem or detrimental to our relationship.
I came clean and told him I was having doubts and we both got really upset...I tried to explain as best I could, but it's not easy to describe when I have can't explian why im feeling like this. He was devostated and now I feel like a b**** but I know i couldnt have keep this to myself, it wouldnt be right. At least he knows where I am at and we can take it from there.
The more I think about it the more I dont want to imagine my life without him, but if this feeling persists I think I will have to call it off, I dont want to repress my emotions then end up regretting it further down the line when there are bigger things at stake like a mariage and children. I think i need to give it a bit of time to see what my gut tells me after some serious reflection
hmmmm. What country are you from and how is the culture there regarding marriage in general?
I know tons of people will disagree with me on here and say they were 100% certain and this/that, but I don't think anyone is ever 100% certain. I would say if you're 90-95% sure - then that's more realistic. It's hard to be 100% certain on anyone besides yourself... and look, the divorce rate is pretty high and maybe you haven't weathered many storms together yet to know what the other person is truly made out of yet. So.... if you expect it to be 100%, maybe nothing ever will feel 100% especially to someone who is neurotic and overthinks things like this.
You know what?
My gut told me the very same thing when I was engaged. I got married anyway. Not long after, I so regretted it! Constant fighting and arguing...five years later, we were divorced.
I was already divorced when I met the perfect man. He kept asking me to marry him and I said NO at first. I didn't want to do that again EVER.
He persisted, I said yes to shut him up. Two days later I had a ring on my finger and I said WTH did I do.
I married him 9 months after I met him. I was still apprehensive on our wedding day and nearly backed out. The only reason I could justify not marring him was just the fear of it. What if this one fails like the last?
You can't live in a world of what if's. The bottom line is that I was madly in love with him, so I did it. That was almost 31 years ago and he is still the one great love of my life.
It was the best thing I ever did and I'm glad I went with the bottom line instead of the what if's.
You'll figure it out dear one. Just don't let the fear guide you. Listen to your heart instead.
if you are even asking this question on this forum you should NOT be even thinking of marriage. To marry someone you better be 1000% sure it is what you want to do, even the slightest doubt that they are the person who is meant to be your soulmate and you should not do it.
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