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Since it comes down to the individual female, I don't know how helpful it will be to know how some view this and you won't know until you experience it. For me, I find I have more of an interest in the person, than what he makes. I feel that if he can manage and takes care of his responsibilities, that is what matters. I think it is best if what one does is hopefully satisfying, despite what their income is.
OP I think you'll find that a man making a decent amount of money is very important to the majority of women that are in the 55k range. You'd want to be around their level economically in the same social economic status, or else in time you will most likely be resented while she secretly will be open to other men.
While you need a good job, you can't be married to it. So that leaves out a lot of management jobs that pay in this range. Having a degree in this day and age is no big deal really. I have two degrees. One in business management and the other in Nutrition Science. I just stepped down from a management position, and am looking to go back to school for a technical skill.
So lately, I have been thinking about dating again, but I have a major issue...with myself.
While I consider myself to be a nice, friendly guy that doesn't play games, the one thing that bothers me is that I don't make a lot of money. I have a 4 year degree, but it seems that I always end up jobs that are low paying such as retail.
As of right now, I am currently talking to someone who has a very professional job in their local school district. I am pretty sure that they make around $55k,and I just feel awkward because here I am educated, and for the life of me, I just can't get ahead. I have tried everything: networking, applying for jobs, praying, you name it. This lady seems to like me and I like her, but I worry that I don't pull "enough of my weight" and it makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward.
I feel like in some way this is just a pride issue, and maybe I am totally overthinking this. I have met a few guys that were in my situation, one friend works in a call center making $11/hr while his wife is a nurse. He says he loves it. This situation makes me feel so bad, that sometimes it makes me tear up(when no one is around of course)
Am I just being too hard on myself? I feel like the man should be the breadwinner or at least be equal, I just dont' understand why I can't find a "professional position" somewhere.
Mod comment, June 1, 9:05 CDT -- People, this thread quickly turned into a combination Relationships and Work/Employment thread.This thread should only address the dating issues; not the actual employment search. (OP, you may start a thread in Work & Employment forum/Job Search sub-forum if you want to seek job search advice.)
You are thinking too much about the job and not enough about the relationship.
You are not giving any woman a chance to get to know you and decide if she wants to stay with you or not.
Go out, date and see what happens, women surprise more than one every day.
You are thinking too much about the job and not enough about the relationship.
You are not giving any woman a chance to get to know you and decide if she wants to stay with you or not.
Go out, date and see what happens, women surprise more than one every day.
Exactly. You never know what might happen over the course of a relationship. I know several couples where one was the primary breadwinner for a while and then fortunes changed and the other became the primary breadwinner. One has to look at the person as a whole to determine whether he is a good match. Does he have a good work ethic? Are his spending habits smart/responsible? Will he stick around at a job long enough to move up and/or pick jobs with good growth potential? Those are far more important than how much he makes right now at this second.
I'd much rather go out with a guy who makes $45K at a stable job with great benefits and good growth potential who also has responsible spending habits than date a guy who is making $100K at a startup that might be gone tomorrow and is spending like he makes $200K.
What matters more is that we are both contributing an equal effort to our household. I could be happy with a very low earning man that was making a real effort, but not someone that just sat around doing nothing productive while I expended all my effort to support us.
This is how I feel as well. I normally out earned my ex (both of them). The amount of his check wasn't and issue as he was working his way up and doing as well as he could given the economic climate in our location. During the last few years of our marriage he just quit caring, quit jobs, rode out unemployment. In effect did not even try live up to his potential or act as an equal participate in our marriage. There is a difference.
For me a relationship isnt about the amount of money someone makes.
I have always earned enough to support myself, so the amount that my partner makes has never been a deal breaker. There have been years that I have made more than my husband and years that he has made more than me, but it doesn't really matter because it all ends up in the same bank account.
What matters more is that we are both contributing an equal effort to our household. I could be happy with a very low earning man that was making a real effort, but not someone that just sat around doing nothing productive while I expended all my effort to support us.
Ditto. What matter is that he makes an honest living and is a productive member if society. Personally, I never really had aspirations for particular lifestyle (house in the 'burbs, minivan, SAH with the kids, nice vacations**); all I really care about is stability and living within our means.
My viewpoint when dating was always that as long as a man made enough money to support himself, he was fine. A problem did arise for me years ago when I was making around $80K and began dating a guy who was unemployed. He eventually got a job making around $35-40K while we were together. For me, this was no problem. I was happy to pay for a lot of the things we did together, because I wanted to do them and wanted to do them with him, and I was able to easily foot the bill. He, however, had the same (antiquated, IMO) notion about needing, as a man, to be the breadwinner or at least contribute equally. This probably never would have happened as I was 7 years older than him and further along in my career, while he was making a career change to a new field and needed to get in at a more entry level role. I just wanted him to be happy in his work. This was not the issue that caused our split, but it did cause problems because he was uncomfortable with it and I probably was not as sensitive to the issue as I should have been.
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