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So lately, I have been thinking about dating again, but I have a major issue...with myself.
While I consider myself to be a nice, friendly guy that doesn't play games, the one thing that bothers me is that I don't make a lot of money. I have a 4 year degree, but it seems that I always end up jobs that are low paying such as retail.
As of right now, I am currently talking to someone who has a very professional job in their local school district. I am pretty sure that they make around $55k,and I just feel awkward because here I am educated, and for the life of me, I just can't get ahead. I have tried everything: networking, applying for jobs, praying, you name it. This lady seems to like me and I like her, but I worry that I don't pull "enough of my weight" and it makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward.
I feel like in some way this is just a pride issue, and maybe I am totally overthinking this. I have met a few guys that were in my situation, one friend works in a call center making $11/hr while his wife is a nurse. He says he loves it. This situation makes me feel so bad, that sometimes it makes me tear up(when no one is around of course)
Am I just being too hard on myself? I feel like the man should be the breadwinner or at least be equal, I just dont' understand why I can't find a "professional position" somewhere.
My husband makes less then me, does not really bother me or seem to bother him. It think it depends on the people. Both of my parents worked and I have been working since 16 so I never really thought of trying to find someone to support me. A woman looking to not have to work and just be a stay at home type wife might likely be looking for someone with a larger income. It really varies from person to person. I would not like that detour you from dating someone.
I think you have two separate issues....you want to get your career on track. AND you want to date a nice lady. I think you should tackle them separately.
You can't successfully date if you aren't confident about yourself. I feel ya, I've been under employed for years. But I still think I'm a good catch. If the right guy comes along, he won't worry too much about my paycheck. He'll support my efforts.
Shoot...women LOVE to help guys improve themselves. Maybe your lady friend will have some good ideas for you.
I met a fantastic guy...so much fun, loving, caring, smart...he has a crappy income. I'm having some hard talks with myself about just how important his paycheck is to me. I'd feel pretty rotten thinking a guy should be able to support me, and he seems content to live his life as it is. Maybe love and companionship are more important than a big bank account? I earn enough to support myself, so if it doesn't look as if I'll be called upon to support him, maybe things between us will work out.
My husband makes less then me, does not really bother me or seem to bother him. It think it depends on the people. Both of my parents worked and I have been working since 16 so I never really thought of trying to find someone to support me. A woman looking to not have to work and just be a stay at home type wife might likely be looking for someone with a larger income. It really varies from person to person. I would not like that detour you from dating someone.
It isn't just some women who plan to SAH (which I currently do) who would prefer a spouse with a higher income. Many families require a higher, more comfortable single income in order to afford the other spouse staying home. I know of quite a few women who earn well into six figures that expect their spouses to earn a similar or higher salary.
I think you have two separate issues....you want to get your career on track. AND you want to date a nice lady. I think you should tackle them separately.
^^ What she said. This thread should only address the dating issues; not the actual employment search. (OP, you may start a thread in Work & Employment forum/Job Search sub-forum if you want to seek job search advice.)
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Can I ask Rick does state job mean government job?
I ask because here in the uk if you work say for the army, NHS ( health ) fire fighter, or a civil servant job like prison officer, job centre etc you don't earn lots and lots but great benefits and usually get a great lump sum and a pension that covers you for life once you " retire" ...... It's between 22-30 years service.
I think for me it is more important what he thinks about it. Particularly if I were making more. I dated a guy who I made a lot more than. And it was hard for him because he couldn't get me the stuff i got myself. He felt bad. We just had different experiences and in some cases $$$ opens some different doors. He didn't like that he couldn't expose me to this "stuff" that he wanted to do. It was too complicated.
But in practical terms you need to be able to support yourself. Not sure what I would think if I had kids. Then you'd need to make more than I do. It is expensive here and the income required for a decent lifestyle with kids is quite a bit.
Am I just being too hard on myself? I feel like the man should be the breadwinner or at least be equal, I just dont' understand why I can't find a "professional position" somewhere.
I have always earned enough to support myself, so the amount that my partner makes has never been a deal breaker. There have been years that I have made more than my husband and years that he has made more than me, but it doesn't really matter because it all ends up in the same bank account.
What matters more is that we are both contributing an equal effort to our household. I could be happy with a very low earning man that was making a real effort, but not someone that just sat around doing nothing productive while I expended all my effort to support us.
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