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While I'm sensitive to the wife's fears with her brother's death, it should not hold OP back from pursuing something that means a lot to him. If the OP wanted a Camaro to ride, I would not find that much safer than a motorcycle. You only live once and why live at all if you fear death so much you won't do things you desire?
I agree. All of these folks who don't ride are the ones who love to post their fear factor stories.
I have so many wonderful stories to share that I can't relate to any of these fear monger stories. It does not compute at all. I have only known one rider that died. He was on the East Bay Bridge and he was speeding way over the speed limit on a Super Sport bike. He was an ex Super Sport racer and one of the coolest humans I have ever met. His speed was the factor. Most death accidents that occur on a motorcycle are due to the motorcyclists speed.
Most motorcycle crashes could be avoided by the rider. I know it's true because of my personal experience riding.
Also if I do have an unforeseeable event on my bike that results in my death...I could not think of a better way to go. Die while your in a good place mentally and doing something that brings you so much joy, is a much better way to go, than wasting away in a hospital death bed or hospice.
The OP should experience riding if that is one of his loves. He can also one day brag like I am about having 40 years of happy good riding stories.
I don't think City-Data is the right forum to present the "pros and cons" of riding a motorcycle. There are many haunting, beautiful, poetic essays on the sheer joy and ecstasy of RIDING on other forums: ADVrider, Thumpertalk, some others. The only possible analogy I can think of is like "horse people talking about their horses" - if I had to explain, you just wouldn't understand.
Aside from drunk, inattentive, careless, moronic and downright homicidal car drivers, there are plenty of classes of motorcyclists who are their own worst enemy:
A) Harley/Cruiser riders who think it's a good idea to ride their black and chrome monster TO A BAR/festival and then drive home drunk
B) Sport Bike riders who overestimate their own skill/ability and experience and ride a 1000cc rocket bike into their own crypt. Single line summary on the police report: ("failed to negotiate a turn at excessive rate of speed")
C) Dirt Bike riders who attempt to defy the laws of gravity and physics in their own way
Your wife is perfectly within her rights to object, as you ARE the productive engine which fuels her and your childrens economic and emotional well-being. If you were suddenly dead and gone, that would ruin their whole [everything]. Sizable life insurance policy is as much your responsibility as a full-face helmet & $1,000 dollars in other protective gear.
When you get done checking off the activities that are "too dangerous" and can result in death or paralysis - be that ESPN X-Games high adrenaline stuff like base jumping, hang gliding, street luge, bungee jumping, white water rafting - don't overlook some seemingly more mellow stuff like horseback riding, rollerskating without a helmet, or a slip in the bathtub. I have a friend-of-a-friend who DIED rollerblading.
Therefore "commuting to work" and "filling that prescript for tramadol or oxycodone" are statistically about the worst things you could do today.
So each of decides what is an acceptable risk, and what is reasonable training/education and mental prep for the situation.
I always thought it was Plato (but its not, after googling) who said: There are three kinds of Men - the Living, the Dead, and those that Sail the Seas. I think those of us who ride the iron horse are closer in spirit to the ancient mariner.
And it is a path I freely choose, and wouldn't have it any other way.
As a (female) rider myself, I can understand the OP's concerns.
My partner isn't happy with my choice of transport (I have a car too), and is always nervous when I commute to and from work (she has a tracker on me so she can see exactly where I am on the road).
However, she has never given me the final ultimatum of "is it me or the bike?" trope, because she probably realises I love motorcycle riding, and the freedom it brings.
That said, if she did throw that question my way at some future juncture, I would probably acquiesce to her wishes because I wouldn't want to her to suffer psychological pain if anything did happen to me while on 2 wheels.
I don't think City-Data is the right forum to present the "pros and cons" of riding a motorcycle.
I think it's a great place to discuss our experiences of riding. The only bad thing I am finding about this post is that no one here but maybe one other poster and myself have ever ridden.
I agree that this is not the place to be discussing it in a negative light if you are not an experienced rider, and especially if you have never ridden.
As a (female) rider myself, I can understand the OP's concerns.
My partner isn't happy with my choice of transport (I have a car too), and is always nervous when I commute to and from work (she has a tracker on me so she can see exactly where I am on the road).
However, she has never given me the final ultimatum of "is it me or the bike?" trope, because she probably realises I love motorcycle riding, and the freedom it brings.
That said, if she did throw that question my way at some future juncture, I would probably acquiesce to her wishes because I wouldn't want to her to suffer psychological pain if anything did happen to me while on 2 wheels.
Tough call.
As much as you love riding you would give it up and actually think that you would not end up resenting her over it? Or miss it every-time you see someone out there enjoying a lovely day on their bike?
The only thing I can try to relate as far as a loved one relationship goes. My mother. My mother was 100% supportive of me wanting to ride at the age of 8. I am so thankful that I did not have a mother who was constantly worrying and nagging me about it.
Funny story. When I was in my late 30's I had not ridden for awhile. My partner knew how much I missed it and loved it. He surprised me with a set of bikes...my bike was a heavy bike and I was accustomed to riding an enduro when I first learned how to ride. The bike he bought me was a street cruiser bike. We rode all the way out to the boonies to visit his dad on our first ride. I was not comfortable with the bike since I had never had a bike so heavy.
When we left his dads house on a heavily graveled road as the sun was setting and darkness was upon us. I lost control on the gravel at a low speed and I dropped my bike. Gas started poring out of the gas tank and I tried to pick the bike up but I could not get it all the way up. His uncle and him were running down the dirt road to help me as I stood there mortified and did not want to ride it back to our house 50 miles away. As his uncle and him were picking up my bike, I called my mom in tears and told her I was afraid of the bike.
Her words of advice were. Now now calm down..you will be fine, you will be out there scraping your peg on those curves in no time! Don't be afraid daughter, you know how much you love riding! Mama know best sometimes! I hung up and we made it back home in one piece. I became a master on that bike. She was right!
Then I moved to CA and brought this bike with me but soon traded it in for a Sport Touring bike. Night and day difference in how a cruiser and a Sport Touring bike handles. I feel much more in control in the Sport Touring bike. It's much more nimble and it has better throttle control and braking.
Gota to love a mom like that!
It makes all the difference in the world when your loved ones support what you love to do.
I have been thinking for a long time about getting one, not to do anything crazy or like that but I think it would still be fun and convenient to save on gas car payment etc.
The thing is my wife is really against it because a few years ago her brother died on one. Whenever I have brought the subject up she always says absolutely not.
Get a new wife.
You can't live life in fear. If it is something you would enjoy, then go for it. Maybe she would find she could also enjoy riding.
It seems like many believe more in "I" in a relationship than "us".
If you talk to your S.O. about something like a motorcycle, and you or your S.O. had family who died on one, then the decision isn't just about motorcycles. I said it in my previous post, that a relationship is full of tiny to big sacrifices. I don't care how much you love or want something. If you're on that bridge of difference with your S.O., and that person has a past that creates what you may think is an irrational fear, it's real to your S.O.
So riding is fun, great, whatever. Same as a runner's high, or cycling, or something else. Plenty of fun things in life we want to do. And if buying a motorcycle isn't a financial burden and isn't about money, then it's a desire that can be had.
The ball is in your court. You decide what's more important in a particular situation - "I" or "us". I'm sorry, but to just say go for it because you've always wanted it, ignoring the honest and real fears of others (especially your spouse) is quite selfish in a relationship. Maybe it will take months if not years of discussing it, but until you get some sort of "OK", reluctant or not, just going forward with it without that is basically a middle finger to the relationship. If you love the idea of a motorcycle over your wife, do it and see where the chips fall. I for one would not want to lay a hurt on my wife for something materialistic.
Last edited by metalmancpa; 06-14-2016 at 07:18 AM..
It seems like many believe more in "I" in a relationship than "us".
If you talk to your S.O. about something like a motorcycle, and you or your S.O. had family who died on one, then the decision isn't just about motorcycles. I said it in my previous post, that a relationship is full of tiny to big sacrifices. I don't care how much you love or want something. If you're on that bridge of difference with your S.O., and that person has a past that creates what you may think is an irrational fear, it's real to your S.O.
So riding is fun, great, whatever. Same as a runner's high, or cycling, or something else. Plenty of fun things in life we want to do. And if buying a motorcycle isn't a financial burden isn't about money, then it's a desire that can be had.
The ball is in your court. You decide what's more important in a particular situation - "I" or "us". I'm sorry, but to just say go for it because you've always wanted it, ignoring the honest and real fears of others (especially your spouse) is quite selfish in a relationship. Maybe it will take months if not years of discussing it, but until you get some sort of "OK", reluctant or not, just going forward with it without that is basically a middle finger to the relationship. If you love the idea of a motorcycle over your wife, do it and see where the chips fall. I for one would not want to lay a hurt on my wife for something materialistic.
Excellent post. This is the heart of the matter. Figuring out those times when the WE trumps the I. This is also why so many struggle with relationships I think. We are a selfish society in general.
They have a hard time putting others first. This is one of those cases. They wife isn't trying to be spiteful or controlling. She has a deep seated fear based on a very real situation. Maybe in time she will heal. But the question is what is more important to the OP his wife and relationship or the fun and thrill of a motorcycle. Answer that question and you know what to do.
This reminds me of the hair cutting thread actually. It's the same thing. A woman asked her husband about getting her hair cut short and he said he wouldn't like it. She did it anyway and now he's upset. In that case she disregarded her husband's feelings and look how hurt and upset he was. This would be the same.
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Mama know best sometimes! I hung up and we made it back home in one piece. I became a master on that bike. She was right! 
