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Don't sweat it. My own mother treated me the same way, his was a runaway train wreck. In laws frequently suck - if you have some you can get along with under any circumstances, count yourself lucky, even if they don't talk to you on the phone or seem interested. In a lot of ways, life is a lot easier if they do ignore you - for one thing, you aren't constantly barraged with how you ought to be raising their grandkids and running commentaries on just what you're doing wrong.
I did luck out for 16 years, at least. We celebrated our 16 wedding anniversary while living with her this summer and she didn't even acknowledge it or remember. That's what makes living across the U.S. from them so easy!
That's funny because my MIL and SIL's used to be the same way when it came to leaving messages or even when I answered the phone. We finally had it with all of them not just for this but for several other reasons and hardly to speak to any of them.
Same with me HIF. Until the last few months, when they called, especially the MIL, she would always ask for me and never asked to speak to her son. I kept the peace in his family, I always reminded DH to call his mother, etc. I don't need pats on the back for doing what was right, but just don't understand the turn around. When we lived with my MIL over the summer before our out of state move, she and my DH fought like cats and dogs and she completely ignored me. The day we left all she said was sorry to me..
I didn't realize that this was a recent thing. Were you living near them before you decided to move? Could she be thinking that the move was your decision? Maybe holding a grudge about it?
I didn't realize that this was a recent thing. Were you living near them before you decided to move? Could she be thinking that the move was your decision? Maybe holding a grudge about it?
Actually, they always lived two hours from us. We needed a place to live to save money to move which was primarily my husband's idea, so we were invited to live with her. It wasn't her house though. It is owned by my SIL and her husband who temporarily live in India for work. We were doing her a favor by keeping an eye on the MIL and she by letting us save rent money. I actually talked about the situation last year, but this message business started when we moved here in Nov. Just don't have the energy for this, so I decided to put my energies where it counts, my own family. Thanks for listening.
My MIL does the same thing. In fact, when we see her in person she asks me questions that require more than just a yes or no answer and when I start to answer her she's already moved on and has started up a conversation with my husband. Now when she asks me a question I answer her with a question. I ask her "do you really want to know?" I just let it go - she's old and I don't have to live near her or see her very often.
Maybe "most" (I wouldn't know), but definatly not all. My husband would be upset. Thankfully, I have a great realtionship with my MIL (perhaps her living 3,000 miles away doesn't hurt either http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y164/canibeyou/citadel.gif (broken link)). My MIL spoke harshly to me once on the phone (when my step-son was in the hospital and I didn't know the address for her to send a card to). My husband called me from work, just to say "Hi" and I told him. Without hesitation, he called her back up and told her she owed me an apology. Which I did get.
Whew... sorry for telling you all that.
Back to the original topic... it'd bother me. Bother me enough to say something to my husband. And since he'd care, he'd in turn do something about it.
Your husbands lack of caring is sad. I mean, if it's important enough for you to say something to him about it, then it should be important enough to him to try and do something about it. That's what it means when we marry and promise to take care of each other.
Hope this can work out for you. I'm always saddend to hear bad MIL stories. I don't see what a MIL treating the woman caring for her son, ever has to gain by not being nice to her.
Last edited by canibeyou; 02-17-2008 at 01:39 AM..
Reason: 'Cuz I'm the Queen of Typos!
Just curious what a normal reaction should be to a SIL and MIL that do not acknowledge my son or myself whenever they leave messages on our home phone. They direct all of their messages to their son/brother (my DH) only. It's also my voice on the answering machine. My DH was in the hospital for a week back in January which was only our second month in a new city/state without any family. Was I expecting too much from them to see how my son and I were doing while going through a health scare like we did?
Back in October my hubby ended up in the trauma center. We've been together since 99, I don't have a relationship with his family (which is very weird to me).. I did the phone calls to his mother / son, grandmother. The grandmother was wonderful; I couldn't get through it without her. His mother / son OTOH, forget it. I actually have a very lengthy post typed out from then, how his sister called me spewing some of the most hurtful things. To this day I am still hurt, there was no apology.
You'd think they would call me for updates since I spoke to him regularly while he was in the ER, then his room. Nope. Not once did any of them call here to see how he (or I) was doing. Having your hubby in a trauma center in another state when you are disabled is the pits.
What I learned.. people stink. I don't know if they even think about these things or if they even realize that things that weren't done hurt me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by puffle
Actually, they always lived two hours from us. We needed a place to live to save money to move which was primarily my husband's idea, so we were invited to live with her. It wasn't her house though. It is owned by my SIL and her husband who temporarily live in India for work. We were doing her a favor by keeping an eye on the MIL and she by letting us save rent money. I actually talked about the situation last year, but this message business started when we moved here in Nov. Just don't have the energy for this, so I decided to put my energies where it counts, my own family. Thanks for listening.
I kind of remember, might go back to see if I can find the post to refresh my memory. Your situation is weird as you had a close relationship before. Is it possible to speak to her to find out why she's like this?
Same with me HIF. Until the last few months, when they called, especially the MIL, she would always ask for me and never asked to speak to her son. I kept the peace in his family, I always reminded DH to call his mother, etc. I don't need pats on the back for doing what was right, but just don't understand the turn around. When we lived with my MIL over the summer before our out of state move, she and my DH fought like cats and dogs and she completely ignored me. The day we left all she said was sorry to me..
Does she blame you for the move away from them? Or perhaps she is jealous that you get along better with her son then she does. With some MILs there is no telling, they have the most bizarre ideas. She may really resent you guys moving away and making your own way in the world. It will make it harder for her to control you and find excuses to over-involve herself in your lives.
I think you hit it on the head LindseyM. I suppose it could be jealousy. Certainly showed her true colors living with her. But could a SIL be jealous too? By the way, my DH knows it wouldn't change a thing talking with his mom. She would just cry and go on about how wonderful she is. Like I said before, time to move on and just focus on my own little family. After all, I get to live in Boston and she has to live in Bakersfield, Ca.!
My MIL does the same thing. In fact, when we see her in person she asks me questions that require more than just a yes or no answer and when I start to answer her she's already moved on and has started up a conversation with my husband. Now when she asks me a question I answer her with a question. I ask her "do you really want to know?" I just let it go - she's old and I don't have to live near her or see her very often.
Do we have the same MIL? She would ask a question but never listened to the answer but instead just talk about herself. She called here last month while my DH was in the hospital to find out how he was..no sooner did I say a few words did she start talking about her own health issues. I had to tell her that right now I only care about what is going on with my husband. I just needed to vent and see if others share my experiences. It's not worth wasting my breath on insincere words on her part. My SIL is a different matter. Thanks everyone.
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). My husband called me from work, just to say "Hi" and I told him. Without hesitation, he called her back up and told her she owed me an apology. Which I did get.
I mean, if it's important enough for you to say something to him about it, then it should be important enough to him to try and do something about it. That's what it means when we marry and promise to take care of each other.
