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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,146,108 times
Reputation: 40640
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bkcharm
You seem to post comments that are more related to trashing me for having an opinion than related to the actual discussion. You seem like a very angry person that validates themself by trash talking on the Internet.
Surely you don't think having an opinion on one"s peers based on fact is worse than knowingly sleeping with other friends exes then lying about it.
I'm not angry at all. I'm quite well thank you. But if that statement made you feel better, then bravo.
I don't think who friends of friends sleep with, or heck, who my friends sleep with, is any of my damn business unless they decide to share it with me. Just as good fences make good neighbors, good boundaries and respecting them makes for good friendships. I've also learned long ago, as a child, to not but into a significant other's personal relationships with their friends. It is their friendship. Not mine. To do otherwise is creating drama, and well, being a jerk. Having an opinion on a friend of a friend or a friend of a SO is fine, we all have them, most of us learn to keep that opinion to ourselves, where it belongs.
If they are college friends and that relationship has remained intact for a decade following graduation (many college friendships do not, they peter out), then I'd assume that they know one another's behavior quite well. You aren't bringing anything enlightening to the table by "telling" on your girlfriend's friend, most likely, and she's already invested more time in this friendship than she has with you, so I really wouldn't press ending it, as it's not your place. The friend has done nothing to you or your girlfriend, so you really have no beef.
Yep.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
This comment makes me curious and I don't want to jump to conclusions, but is it possible you're jealous of her relationship with this close friend and want to bring them apart?
That's how it reads.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
I don't think I'd want to date anyone who was so close to trashy, immature people.
I still don't understand how you know Mean Friend slept with Other Friend's ex, how you know Other Friend was hurt, how you know Mean Friend lied about it and so on.
If you really think your SO has such terrible judgment, so much so that you feel the need to intervene and exert your will, ill-advisedly, why are you even with her?
+1
First thing I do is check out an SO's close friends and family they are close to.
It just tells you so much about their own emotional maturity.
In broaching friendships , keep an open ear. Casually open the topic and engage her to discuss such antics.
Most relationships can endure open communication. When she finishes her description, maybe then open up on your perception of this persons behavior. Hopefully she'll respect your opinion and if nothing else be a bit Intune for how this reflects on her choice of friends.
I immediately removed myself from a social friend who behaved this way. She was a great example of poor boundaries. My bf at the time was relieved that I made that decision. Gotta say, had he broached this with me earlier, I would have heard him out. would have saved me the humiliation of her drama the next day.
Three things ring true: is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? , in your case it's necessary to be concerned..
She told you, but not your GF? That seems pretty odd. I thought she was your GF's friend? Or is she closer to you? I may have misunderstood that.
Okay, so Other Friend apparently didn't want the ex to sleep with anyone even though they were no longer together (i.e. she was still carrying a torch) though obviously she knew, logically, that he could sleep with whomever he wanted to. He and Mean Friend did it and Mean Friend TRIED NOT to hurt Other Friend (even though, again, it wasn't Other Friend's business whom her EX slept with, that's where the "ex" part comes in). So IOW, Mean Friend got wasted or what-have-you and had a fling, as young people are wont to do, but TRIED TO SPARE OTHER FRIEND'S FEELINGS about it even though it was not up to Other Friend whom her EX slept with.
Sounds like Mean Friend was trying not to be mean.
Other Friend decided Mean Friend was The Devil for daring to sleep with a man who wasn't Other Friend's man, or business, any more, period. So Other Friend went crying to you about how Mean Friend just maliciously hurt her and then LIED about it, the witch.
That's the sort of thing hurt people say, and want to think. They don't want to be logical. They want somebody to be culpable. The thought of the ex sleeping with someone else is terrible. So...place blame. Check...
It wasn't Other Friend's business whom her EX (not current) boyfriend slept with. Mean Friend could have made a better judgment call, surely, but she did sleep with the ex fully knowing he was an ex...she didn't try to "take someone else's man" or anything and who says she wanted to hurt Other Friend? Other Friend says so, right? No kidding.
My take? Stop being such a fidgety gossip pecking around with the girls for juicy details, mind your own business and your own relationship and don't be judge and jury on who is "allowed" to sleep with whom. You don't know the whole story; all you know is what one very hurt girl told you. For all you know SHE'S wrong and Mean Girl didn't actually go all the way with the ex. How do you know? Were you there? No? So then leave this alone. It's gossip. It's unbecoming. Quit that. It's very uncool.
And as for pecking around looking for unsupported gossip with which to tear friends from friends, quit that too, because if anything's going to break you and your GF up, that's what it will almost certainly be. I wouldn't stay with someone that devious and malicious. Don't be the bad guy drumming up stories to support getting between friends. That's not cool and your GF won't like it, I promise you. Honestly, who would?
Your not talking to the GF about this directly and automatically assuming you'll look "culpable" only adds to the whole sneakiness factor. I just don't know...everyone seems to think Mean Girl has some growing up to do and your GF has some growing up to do and so on...but all I see is ONE GUY who seems to like drama, goes on hearsay and tries to tear friends apart...who's the one who needs to grow up here? Just think about what I'm saying and take a step back from the drama. It's not doing you any good. If you can't just be straight up with your own GF, she's not the one who's immature but she IS keeping bad company, that I'll agree with.
You just have no place to dictate who your SO chooses to have as a friend.
This person has been in your SO's life much longer than you have. If you really think your SO has such terrible judgment, so much so that you feel the need to intervene and exert your will, ill-advisedly, why are you even with her?
A few months ago we were at a family party and my girlfriends friend tagged along. She proceeded to get blackout drunk and made a fool of herself. Dancing with family members, making out with random guys and generally talking inappropriate drunk nonsense.
At first I wanted to brush it off as a one time thing, but I recently found out that she also slept with another friends exboyfriend (while sober) even though the friend was still clearly not over the breakup.
Should I tell my girlfriend about this and how I really feel about it? She doesn't know about her sleeping with the other guy. Part of me wants to tell her about this so she knows who her friend really is and I can protect her from this person, but part of me doesn't want to damage the close relationship that my girlfriend and this other person have. What would you do?
I would keep it to your self and mind your own business on this.
She told you, but not your GF? That seems pretty odd. I thought she was your GF's friend? Or is she closer to you? I may have misunderstood that.
Okay, so Other Friend apparently didn't want the ex to sleep with anyone even though they were no longer together (i.e. she was still carrying a torch) though obviously she knew, logically, that he could sleep with whomever he wanted to. He and Mean Friend did it and Mean Friend TRIED NOT to hurt Other Friend (even though, again, it wasn't Other Friend's business whom her EX slept with, that's where the "ex" part comes in). So IOW, Mean Friend got wasted or what-have-you and had a fling, as young people are wont to do, but TRIED TO SPARE OTHER FRIEND'S FEELINGS about it even though it was not up to Other Friend whom her EX slept with.
Sounds like Mean Friend was trying not to be mean.
Other Friend decided Mean Friend was The Devil for daring to sleep with a man who wasn't Other Friend's man, or business, any more, period. So Other Friend went crying to you about how Mean Friend just maliciously hurt her and then LIED about it, the witch.
That's the sort of thing hurt people say, and want to think. They don't want to be logical. They want somebody to be culpable. The thought of the ex sleeping with someone else is terrible. So...place blame. Check...
It wasn't Other Friend's business whom her EX (not current) boyfriend slept with. Mean Friend could have made a better judgment call, surely, but she did sleep with the ex fully knowing he was an ex...she didn't try to "take someone else's man" or anything and who says she wanted to hurt Other Friend? Other Friend says so, right? No kidding.
My take? Stop being such a fidgety gossip pecking around with the girls for juicy details, mind your own business and your own relationship and don't be judge and jury on who is "allowed" to sleep with whom. You don't know the whole story; all you know is what one very hurt girl told you. For all you know SHE'S wrong and Mean Girl didn't actually go all the way with the ex. How do you know? Were you there? No? So then leave this alone. It's gossip. It's unbecoming. Quit that. It's very uncool.
And as for pecking around looking for unsupported gossip with which to tear friends from friends, quit that too, because if anything's going to break you and your GF up, that's what it will almost certainly be. I wouldn't stay with someone that devious and malicious. Don't be the bad guy drumming up stories to support getting between friends. That's not cool and your GF won't like it, I promise you. Honestly, who would?
Your not talking to the GF about this directly and automatically assuming you'll look "culpable" only adds to the whole sneakiness factor. I just don't know...everyone seems to think Mean Girl has some growing up to do and your GF has some growing up to do and so on...but all I see is ONE GUY who seems to like drama, goes on hearsay and tries to tear friends apart...who's the one who needs to grow up here? Just think about what I'm saying and take a step back from the drama. It's not doing you any good. If you can't just be straight up with your own GF, she's not the one who's immature but she IS keeping bad company, that I'll agree with.
The guy is the one that told me. It's not hearsay, he has no reason to lie to me. This was after the mean girl had a long talk with other friend about the situation. It's this type of shady behavior that I don't want my girlfriend to be a victim of.
Again, to clarify, they are all friends from college. Other girl is closer to my gf than mean girl. I have information that they don't, and I don't want to cause drama but I also don't want this to happen to my gf when I saw clear warning signs. The original question was should I bring this up when my gf asks why I don't like the mean friend, because obviously I don't want my gf to get stabbed in the back like other friend was. And I'm not going to pretend like the mean friend is a saint and I approve of her.
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