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Here I am once again asking for your kind help (I sure look like a heck of a neurotic at this stage ha).
Back in early 2015, I moved to a different country for work. At the time, I was very much caught up with someone I had dated the year before and was not even envisioning dating as an option in my life. I became pretty much closed off. I had no interest in men or dating. I was in pain, so I wanted nothing to do with men altogether.
On my first day at that new job, I was having lunch and spotted this guy (against my will). I was intrigued because he seemed very different from the rest of the people working there (his attire caught my attention). I didn't think much of it. He saw me on the very same day and started a conversation. After that day, he would often come up to me to talk or make silly (and sometimes salacious) jokes which at the time, I thought weren't funny in all honesty. I was attracted to him, but I have a strict policy against dating people in the workplace. It's a major no-no. Hence, despite the attraction on both ends, nothing happened. He asked me to hang out after work a couple of times and I turned him down each time.
I was rather cold and defensive around him which he didn't seem to mind, until I pushed it too far one day. Looking back, I'm embarrassed, but then again, he came across a bit strong. It also didn't help that he was a few years younger.
He left the company shortly after and I more or less regretted the way I treated him. I moved to another country a little bit after and told myself if we ever were to be in the same city again, I'd try and reconnect because I actually liked him. Forgot about him. That was about a year ago. Then, I started thinking of him again in January, had the whole "I should have given him a shot. He's the one that got away ... if only we were in the same city" kind of mindset. He was haunting my thoughts for whatever reason, but since he was in a different country, I just dismissed these thoughts.
Fast forward, I just found out he just moved to where I am currently located (that's so random, I can't even believe it myself). It's his first time over here, different country to him hours away from his home country. We're friends on Facebook, but we don't talk. I'd like to reconnect but I don't know how. After all, I was slightly cold though we got along, we (I) sometimes bickered.
I should also add that he is still single.
His birthday is coming up. Would this be a good idea to initate contact again?
Thanks guys!
Last edited by LostinPhilly; 07-01-2016 at 09:38 AM..
Why not? What do you have to lose? You may start by sending him a note, including much of what you have mentioned in your post. At that point, let him take the next step.
Here is what I would write him on his birthday (you mentioned it coming up soon):
Happy birthday [Former coworker], hope your day is an indulgent one. I noticed you're around my neck of the woods now - maybe I can buy you a drink to celebrate your birthday (and to make up for my defensive behavior towards you back when we both worked at [former employer]). What do you say?
You have nothing to lose by connecting now, outside of the work environment. Good luck!
Call him up and ask him out for drinks. I would not mention your standoffish behavior. Instead just say, I always enjoyed talking with you when we worked together. Just focus on the positive and see what happens!
Here is what I would write him on his birthday (you mentioned it coming up soon):
Happy birthday [Former coworker], hope your day is an indulgent one. I noticed you're around my neck of the woods now - maybe I can buy you a drink to celebrate your birthday (and to make up for my defensive behavior towards you back when we both worked at [former employer]). What do you say?
You have nothing to lose by connecting now, outside of the work environment. Good luck!
I actually think that meeting outside of the work environment is even better. That's what I told my friend last year when she urged me to give him a chance even if we worked together. I told her that if we one day have to chance to meet outside of work, I'd go for it. It's always a bit awkward at work, especially when other people try to get involved in your business, like other coworkers did back then.
I probably won't write about the defensive part because it's a bit too much since we haven't spoken in a year, but I will definitely write the rest.
Fingers crossed, he'll want to cease the chance! Either way, I'm sure I will bump into him at some point.
The soul mate who I let get away was someone I had worked with previously. My problem was not that I failed to reconnect. I did reconnect. My problem was that I lost my nerve after reconnecting. I was in an on again, off again go nowhere relationship at the time. My stupid guilt overcame me and I let her go. She's still unmarried to this day, as far as I can tell.
The soul mate who I let get away was someone I had worked with previously. My problem was not that I failed to reconnect. I did reconnect. My problem was that I lost my nerve after reconnecting. I was in an on again, off again go nowhere relationship at the time. My stupid guilt overcame me and I let her go. She's still unmarried to this day, as far as I can tell.
Are you saying I'm making a bad move? I don't understand the moral the story here?
The only reason why I was defensive is because I was in pain at the time and it was awkward since we worked together. I'm sure things would have been different if we had met outside of work and I had already healed from that painful past encounter. I however instantly recognized he was a great guy, I just didn't allow myself to go there. The circumstances weren't right.
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