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I'm calling the state to let them know that my husband insisted on watching Ancient Aliens EVEN THOUGH we could have recorded it on our TWC and EVEN THOUGH My Big, Fat Fabulous Life had already started so I was only going to be able to record part of it and had to ultimately go back and re-watch with the "previously, on My Big Fat Fabulous Life..." part cut off.
I mean if I don't let them know, who will?
Hopefully they'll hand me some alimony over this.
I told my sister I'd let her big fat fabulous hounds out while she's on vacation. I wanted to start drinking already, but it's a 10 mile drive, better to be safe than sorry. I think the State has a plan for displaced drinkers, where I can get alimony for the hours I will miss. I just gotta call the State Alimony number-- there's only one, and they always answer. I'll give them a head's up on your incoming call as well.
40 pages of worthless prattling later and this guy is still probably in more trouble than he realizes.
12 years into the marriage. The kids are long out of diapers and on the verge of being able to fend for themselves most of the day. Yeah, she's checking out of this marriage all right, and is just waiting for you to get angry enough at her to make the whole thing "your fault" so she can collect her alimony and child support so she can live comfortably off your largess without actually having to put up with you.
Yes, it's going to be expensive. Do yourself a huge favor and don't get married again. No need for it. You've already got the kids. Chalk it up to the bumpy road of life. You don't want to grow old with this woman anyway.
You like to judge, huh? Nice how you rationalize YOUR absence from your kids, but are so quick to think the worst of this mom. How convenient.
I'm not defending the wife's emotional withdrawal from her family. But she's going shopping with friends, for crying out loud. There are much worse things she could be doing. From what the OP has told us, she's not out doing crack or coming home drunk. She's not flying to Vegas for regular weekend trips. She's not fu**ing other men. She's shopping.
It's ALWAYS, ALWAYS WOMEN who are the worst judges of other women. For some reason, tearing other women apart allows them to feel better about themselves, their own choices, their own shortcomings (we all have them), and their own transgressions (because Judge Queens haven't always been perfect. Not by a long shot). Heck, they'll LOOK for things to criticize other women about.
You never see men doing the same to other men. Men respect themselves and each other more than to stoop to the level of Judge Queens. No, the "at least *I* don't do X like SHE does!!" thing is the sole domain of (some) women.
I didn't neglect my kids. I worked to support them. You know, like fathers do. I was there for my kids when I was home. According to the OP this woman is choosing to not spend time with her kids. She'd rather shop with friends. If this were a once in a while I need a break thing I doubt he'd be complaining about it here. It sounds chronic. This isn't an issue of tearing other women apart. It's pointing out the obvious. This woman is checking out. She's checked out of the marriage and of motherhood. She's positioning herself to move on. There is something very wrong when you aren't spending time with your kids especially when you're a SAHM. What's the point of SAH if you're not taking care of the kids?
And you're wrong. Men do harp on men who don't live up to their role as fathers. Just not usually on bulletin boards from what I've seen. My dh has a lot to say about fathers who aren't there for their families. Most men do but men tend to talk about such things less than women do. We are more verbal.
$40K and what was the median income in Boston again...?
Telling us "staying at home is worth about $12K" is pure delirium. It's not just day care costs, for most working people they don't just magically show up, and then go home.
Does anyone who is saying "its $12K for child care, that's all your saving..." have any idea how much money (some of us) spend on clothes to look professional at work? Or even a uniform? Shoes!
• Eating lunch away from home
• Sometimes eating breakfast away from home
• Sometimes dinner …
• Coffee fund / drinks at my desk
• Drinks to de-stress and network after work
• Invited to way more weddings, showers, bachelorette parties, social events I would avoid paying anything towards if I was at home making up Barbie adventures for free
• I occasionally buy things from co-workers children who are always selling things
• I have to provide transportation away from home even if that didn’t include
• gas maintenance
• auto cost/ lease or payments and
• insurance, it would instead include
• bus or train fare and leaving earlier / arriving home later due to following someone else’s schedule thus including resulting in
• longer day care usage
• By not including my income at tax time we saved the family quite a bit of money in taxes
• By staying home I save more money on groceries and things for the home because I could have more time to do better price comparison, not just pick up whatever because I’m zombying around after work and someone forgot dinner or garbage bags.
I'm thinking this now is more like an average of $500+ a week, which is over $30K, which is the median income of where again?
I'm getting ready to "call the State about this".
SAH is worth what it would cost to replace what the SAHM does. There were only two bills for us because I worked. Day care and our housekeeper. Total cost about $320/week for two kids cared for and a clean house. So in my case SAH would be worth about $15k. However, I would hope that SAH isn't about money. Who cares what the costs of a SAHM's labor is? Isn't SAH about having a lifestyle you want for your family? Yes money is important but as long as you're not asking your family to do without who cares what you do? I would have had to have asked my family to sacrifice financially if I had SAH and what kind of mother would I be if I did that?
Agreed. Everyone's got their priorities, if you choose to have kids they should come first. I will never look back on those 10 years I stayed at home w/my daughter and think: "Gee, I wish I wouldn'tve spent so much time with that kid."
I was really lucky, and I know it.
It costs $1500 per month per child for middle quality day care in my area. For us, double (minus 10% discount) for twins. I've seen numbers go as high as $2000 per month per child in some (generally more affluent) areas.
No.. we don't have extended family in the area to assist.
Agreed. Everyone's got their priorities, if you choose to have kids they should come first. I will never look back on those 10 years I stayed at home w/my daughter and think: "Gee, I wish I wouldn'tve spent so much time with that kid."
I was really lucky, and I know it.
It costs $1500 per month per child for middle quality day care in my area. For us, double (minus 10% discount) for twins. I've seen numbers go as high as $2000 per month per child in some (generally more affluent) areas.
No.. we don't have extended family in the area to assist.
ugh....
What is day care? Is that for toddlers or after school?
Thank you
But either way that's extremely high compared to here.... I suspect you can send kids to private schools for that kinda money.
What is day care? Is that for toddlers or after school?
Thank you
But either way that's extremely high compared to here.... I suspect you can send kids to private schools for that kinda money.
From birth to 5 years of age (age cut off is in October). In some places, it goes on to age 6 because kindergarten is 1/2 day only.
Even after they enter public school, there is also after school care. This is due to children getting off earlier than the typical work day. My eldest gets off the bus at 3:30pm. My wife is SAHM so we take in some of the children in the neighborhood to help neighbors save some money. If not, they would pay approximately $400/per month per child for after school care that goes until 6-7pm.
Child care went through some heavy regulation a decade or so ago. On one hand it is good for the children's well being. On the other hand the regulations put into place requirements (such as college degrees, certifications, a teacher on staff..etc) that ended up rising the cost of day care. On top of that, children are not allowed home alone until age of 13... again drove child care up. When I was child, my father said that daycare was subsidized to the point it was free for some lower income families. I was a latchkey kid since the age of 8 or 9, which is illegal now and can get parents into major trouble if reported.
I see it more as an evolution as people were just fighting with each other about what a SAHP should and should not do. We're now putting actual monetary values on the work a SAHP does based on average childcare costs. It's not insignificant, especially considering the OP's children were also home schooled up until recently. Even that would be around a $20K a year expense for tuition/after school care. With transportation to/from work and afterschool care, I'm guessing it would probably require a salary of at least $40K to break even on sending two children to private school/after school care.
Exactly.
Childcare costs have EVERYthing to do with the feasibility of returning to work after having children and with opting for or against stay-at-home parenting.
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