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Harry your disappointment about the whole thing sounds like a lot of what I've experienced.
I think the most important thing for OLD is DO NOT put your hopes up for it. Sure have a profile up and actively message people, but do not take it personal when you do not get a response back. The worst thing that can happen is this hurt your confidence in yourself. I came to a realization that this is an outlier generally. I am not that undesirable or ugly as the 1% return message rate would suggest.
This happens to the majority of men on these sites. Don't take it personal.
OLD really isn't the best way to meet people for a potential relationship. The best way is ultimately THROUGH AQUAITANCES/ FRIENDS. So expanding the social circle is the best way.
Internet dating is entirely superficial. I wonder how many women on there are really looking for someone and not just messing around to see what type of attention they can get. It can be VERY RARE to actually strike up a meaningful intelligent conversation with someone, and when you do don't be surprised if you get ghosted after even having a wonderful dialogue back and forth for a while. Really don't tie your lack of success with OLD to your value as a potential partner. That would be a huge mistake and one that I started falling into the trap of.
The best thing to do is GET OUT THERE. Anywhere.. the gym, bar, church.. something where you can interact with people.
I don't think the cold call approach works that well. A much better approach is with developing trust over time.
Thanks for the response/advice
I think it's crappy how Match doesn't differentiate between the paid and free members. I'd only waste my time messaging paid ones if I could.
They can work. That is how I met my wife of 10 years.
The most important thing is the picture. Put a lot of effort of getting one taken. And it is not just you but also your surrounding. What kind of person are you? Make sure the picture's background matches that.
As for the text you put up on your profile, make it very short, like a punch line. Few words but every word matters. Nobody is going to much care about your favorite band or your favorite vacation, just your essence and the essence of what it is you are looking for in the relationship.
Example picture: you are on a motorcycle, with mountains in the background, a lot of sky and sunset coloring everything pink. Dressed neatly, looking the viewer straight in the eye, light mysterious smile. Text below the picture: there is room for two, want a ride?
No. I signed up for Match a couple months ago. I get some views, a few like my pic. I paid money. I can email, but the thing is, if their membership isn't paid, they can't respond. It's a waste of money. When my 6 mos is up, I will cancel.
No. I signed up for Match a couple months ago. I get some views, a few like my pic. I paid money. I can email, but the thing is, if their membership isn't paid, they can't respond. It's a waste of money. When my 6 mos is up, I will cancel.
That sounds awful and the site should be reported.
Oh, pssh. You're being silly. I've gone out with men with a similar look. It's not your looks at all. Have you tried rewriting your profile, perhaps with the intention of attracting a specific type that would be into you and vice versa?
I've tried rewriting my profile dozens of times over the years. Even tried profile prose nicked from guys swore up-and-down worked well for them. I've tried putting what I'm looking for, not putting what I'm looking for, just touching on the important points in-between, etc., etc., etc. I don't think anyone bothers to even read it the vast majority of the time.
Quote:
Do you have a type(s)? Maybe find ways to attract this type of woman? Do you like comics and graphic novels? What about Carl Sagan? Do you have a favorite genre of film and music? I legit searched for phrases/terms and things I like to help narrow my search. I like Neil Gaiman books. I used this for searches, and other interests and details that could help me find good matches. I did a search for "film scores" and "epic music," which is pretty niche, with the hopes of finding others with similar interests. Find ways to narrow down your search or attract the right people to you.
I don't really have a "type" per se. I'm obviously more of a creative type, alternative type, musician type (granted, that's not all I am)... so I guess so I've tended to center my searches around less-conservative, alt type girls as that's who's been interested in me in the past, and then work my way out from that. I've tried to chat up based on musical taste, shows, hobbies, style, foodie stuff, places traveled, sports, career... you name it. I'm telling you, you can't wit your way around ugly.
There seems to be two types of guys who don't want to take any responsibility for changing things. One is the guy who blames women for everything. The other is the one who internalizes everything and blames it on something basic about himself that he cannot change. These are the self-loathers. This guy falls into the second category.
Sounds about right.
Last edited by Mr_Polymath; 07-17-2016 at 06:44 PM..
I think it's crappy how Match doesn't differentiate between the paid and free members. I'd only waste my time messaging paid ones if I could.
I enjoyed the delightful experience of messaging a women (I think) for about two weeks. She sounded very legit and said she was out of the area but would be back soon. We'd message for hours sometimes.
Well near the end of it all, if figure out where she (he?) is is in Africa on some mission trip working for the WHO. It gor really interesting when she made up some story about how the WHO didn't pay her and she needed some money. Immediately the red flags were flying sky high, and I told her no.
It was very sudden, after trust was built, and all of that. I say it could have been a he as for all I know it was. Just another scammer. As I was on the Match site as a paid member.
I have had better success with POF and OK cupid for actually going on real dates. Most of those were disasters though lol. One girl stunk like the trash as I escorted her out of her trailer park home to eat where she ordered 2 entrees. I didn't have the heart to tell her no as she was skinny as a rail.
I am actually successfully talking to a girl I met on POF as of about a week ago. It is a rare occurrence but is happening. She at least can make conversation and responds to a message.
I don't get my hopes up though. I've had situations like this where all is going well and it ends up in ghosting. I never hear from them again. This one sounds interested in me, which again has me thinking I'm about ready to get struck by lightening or something lol.
OLD's lack of success can put a damper on your confidence.. which is not good. Don't let your lack of success get you down. It's an outlier of sorts and just another tool.
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