Boyfriend has been snapping at me lately? (dating, how to, men)
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I need advice on how to handle this situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for ~10 months and recently I've been picking up on a few small things. When we're on the phone, sometimes he gets really snappy with me. For example, last night we were trying to figure out which weekend we should see each other (we're doing LD right now) and I was being indecisive so he got really curt with me and was like "Ugh just a pick a day it's not that hard" in a really rude, snappy voice. Situations like that have happened a few other times too.
Additionally, when I was with him last weekend in the car he told me to shut up about something I was trying to say and I was really taken aback. During the length of our relationship thus far he's never been rude to me, this kind of behavior is just manifesting itself now and Im starting to wonder if these are red flags I need to pay attention too. I'm definitely not happy when he speaks to me this way. I've also noticed he does not do this with his friends, as far as I can tell, which is an interesting observation.
I'd like to add that I grew up in a family where my Dad was/still is very verbally abusive to my Mom. Because of this I'm really hyperaware of nuances like these and I'm also very sensitive to it. I'm petrified of ending up in a verbally abusive relationship like my mom.
I'd just like to know where to go from here. Right now my boyfriend and I aren't speaking (as of yesterday) and I'd like a good way to approach this.
A guy that tells his partner, someone he is supposed to be in love with in good times and bad, that tells his partner to shut up and also be crabby with her, is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I get it we all have bad days, but that's no excuse to verbally abuse someone no matter how trivial.
Plus you already had issues with this guy before, shouldn't that tell you something? That gut instinct and red flag that tells you this isn't the one?
Like I always say, if you have to come on a forum to ask strangers about your relationship issues and status, you know something is not right.
Not yet but I'm going to after I get some space. He's trying to belittle the problem IMO because he's also ignoring me as if I did something wrong which I really don't understand. I think he thinks I'm overreacting
Not yet but I'm going to after I get some space. He's trying to belittle the problem IMO because he's also ignoring me as if I did something wrong which I really don't understand. I think he thinks I'm overreacting
Be careful about the strategy of "giving space". Given your past with your father verbally abusing your mother, "giving space" is a great way to wait for things to cool off so you don't need to confront and actually take some action. And by confront, I don't mean in an aggressive or nasty way but you do need to say "last week you were very short with me a couple times and another time told me to shut up". And it doesn't matter if he remembers it or not - that's an excuse if he tries to pull it - all that matters is that YOU heard it and you aren't lying about it! So don't let things cool down or you'll be forever waiting to do something.
Of course I agree completely and everyone else would as well but what he's saying is are you in some way provoking him to react this way?.
As per my first post it's still not an excuse and he shouldn't do it but unfortunately not all men are alike on this
I'm really not. I have a very passive, non-confrontational personality. I HATE being scolded or yelled at and virtually never do it to other people, especially not to my boyfriend. This may sound weird but when he gets snappy with me I feel embarrassed. It's like an instant reaction of embarrassment. I feel like a little kid or something. Idk it's just not ok
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