Boyfriend has been snapping at me lately? (girlfriend, advice, looking)
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Not yet but I'm going to after I get some space. He's trying to belittle the problem IMO because he's also ignoring me as if I did something wrong which I really don't understand. I think he thinks I'm overreacting
Simple solution here:
Find someone who treats you like you want to be treated. Obviously this guy isn't it.
I'm really not. I have a very passive, non-confrontational personality. I HATE being scolded or yelled at and virtually never do it to other people, especially not to my boyfriend. This may sound weird but when he gets snappy with me I feel embarrassed. It's like an instant reaction of embarrassment. I feel like a little kid or something. Idk it's just not ok
I'm the actually the very same
But does he have any stress outside of your relationship? I ask because hopefully it's just a blip ( as you've said he's never be rude before ).
I made the mistake of being impatient with my wife, then gf, when we were younger in our relationship. We were both in our early 20's and there were times when I was impatient with her, especially when I thought she was being "indecisive" about certain things. I'm lucky, DAMN lucky, that she told me straight out that I was pissing her the F$&@ off, AND that she gave me a chance to mature and correct this problem. There were times where she got testy with me as well. The fact is that couples are going have disagreements and spats from time to time. It's pretty hard to have a relationship where no one EVER says anything that they have to apologize for later. But, the most important thing is at the end of the day you MUST respect each other. He MUST respect you in this relationship for it to be a healthy one.
You may have been dating for 10 months, but imagine 10 years of being treated like crap if he doesn't repect you as his gf and potential wife/SO! Put your foot down, if you feel disrespected! Let him know what he said and how he said it when you felt he talked down to you. Give him, if you see potential in him, a chance to mature and correct his errors after you have made him aware of them. And, if he doesn't change, drop him like a hot plate! You must communicate your dissatisfactions for them to be understood and corrected.
In the OP's previous thread, multiple people advised her to work on her self esteem type issues.
I wonder if she ever took that to heart, because it seems as if this latest thread is an extension of that.
Instead of confronting her boyfriend (and I don't mean arguing, but raising the issue), she would rather take the verbal abuse and be silent about it. Very common I think among women with self esteem issues in abusive/potentially abusive relationships.
That is why the OP seems more comfortable venting out her anxieties and fears on this forum, than actually discussing with him.
I know the OP will ignore what I state, but that's not my concern. I'm putting it out there for others that this is no way a normal 'relationship' at all. These things start 'small' and eventually escalate.
But the victim so badly wants to make sense of the behavior that he or she doesn’t put an end to it, instead continuing to search for explanations of what could have caused the abuser to treat him or her that way. The victim thinks that perhaps something about his or her behavior made it the case that they deserved to be treated badly.
Because the victim does not yet fully grasp the idea of verbal abuse—abuse at a purely verbal or mental level—he or she thinks that the abuser’s maltreatment must have a rational explanation.
So, the victim confronts the behavior, not the way he or she ought to confront this behavior, but the way he or she ought to confront rational behavior. The victim asks for an explanation, asks for examples of the generalizations made by the abuser, and asks the abuser to make sense of the abuse.
But the victim is losing. Abusers—verbal, and emotional abusers included—do not act rationally. Asking them for a reason or trying to reason with them is pointless. They have no good reasons for behaving the way they do. They will respond with more abuse.
You cannot reason with an abuser.
Not yet but I'm going to after I get some space. He's trying to belittle the problem IMO because he's also ignoring me as if I did something wrong which I really don't understand. I think he thinks I'm overreacting
You teach a person how to treat you....If you are silent when he is rude expect more of the same.
Its not your fault, he is in control of his mouth, but don't allow this sort of thing or it will get even worse with time
In the OP's previous thread, multiple people advised her to work on her self esteem type issues.
I wonder if she ever took that to heart, because it seems as if this latest thread is an extension of that.
Instead of confronting her boyfriend (and I don't mean arguing, but raising the issue), she would rather take the verbal abuse and be silent about it. Very common I think among women with self esteem issues in abusive/potentially abusive relationships.
That is why the OP seems more comfortable venting out her anxieties and fears on this forum, than actually discussing with him.
I know the OP will ignore what I state, but that's not my concern. I'm putting it out there for others that this is no way a normal 'relationship' at all. These things start 'small' and eventually escalate.
I know it's easy to make broad assumptions because you don't know me personally or my relationship to it's full extent, but trust me when I say that I have absolutely no issue confronting my boyfriend. Every issue I've ever had we've been able to communicate it and work on it together, including the ones from my past posts.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melflower
I know it's easy to make broad assumptions because you don't know me personally or my relationship to it's full extent, but trust me when I say that I have absolutely no issue confronting my boyfriend. Every issue I've ever had we've been able to communicate it and work on it together, including the ones from my past posts.
Then talk to him about this issue. One would think that would be the first step. Always.
For example, last night we were trying to figure out which weekend we should see each other (we're doing LD right now) and I was being indecisive so he got really curt with me and was like "Ugh just a pick a day it's not that hard" in a really rude, snappy voice.
Not to justify his testy attitude, but indecisiveness is a huge turnoff. He does sound like he's tiring of you and it's causing his moodiness. Long distance relationships are tricky to begin with and he may be looking for a way out.
Last edited by 1986pacecar; 07-11-2016 at 11:07 AM..
Not to justify his testy attitude, but indecisiveness is a huge turnoff. He does sound like he's tiring of you and it's causing his moodiness. Long distance relationships are tricky to begin with and he way be looking for a way out.
This.
OP, in your ideal world, how would you have liked him to respond to your indecisiveness on this issue? Would you have been ok with him making the decision for the two of you?
It sounds to me like he may not know how to best deal with you- and he's frustrated by it.
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