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Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 26 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,361,544 times
Reputation: 5382
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I dated a guy and broke up with him after a few months. He was a low-gradw hoarder. There's 5 stages of a hoarder. Stage 1 is mild while stage 5 is extreme. He falls in between 2 and 3. He kept his living room/kitchen area somewhat tidy. Only because his roommate keeps up on the housework. Then eventually he showed me his bedroom.... It looked like a tornado went through it. You couldn't walk into the room without stepping on trash. It was absolutely cluttered with garbage that needed to be thrown out. He also had 3 huge bookcases filled with mostly books. Hs bathroom was a disaster with papers and junk laying all over.
In the beginning, I mentioned why not hire someone to clean the mess up. He responded that he will clean it up himself. I was like okay.... And on a few occasions, I made comments about getting the mess cleaned up and even mentioned his landlord might fine him seeing the mess as a health/safety hazard. After him telling me that the "spare bedroom" was worse, I ran for the hills. I never looked in that "spare bedroom". I took his word for it and decided to end things with him.
I don't mind a little clutter here and there. There's a difference between a home that's lived in or looks like absolute chaos
Last edited by HappyFarm34; 08-07-2016 at 07:35 PM..
He also had 3 huge bookcases filled with mostly books.
Why would it be shocking that someone keeps books in their bookcases? This one I don't get. I've seen homes where an entire huge wall of a hallway or living room is full of books. That's fairly normal. Trash and papers everywhere--that's another matter. I wouldn't call it hoarding, though. Hoarding is when someone goes to yard sales or junk yards or flea markets, and brings home more and more stuff, often collecting variations of the same items that they fixate on. They consider the piles of stuff to be a valuable "collection", and they're obsessive-compulsive about adding to it. It's a form of OCD.
Your ex-guy is just disorganized and undisciplined; he's messy. He's not a hoarder.
Only ones that had overflowing wardrobes and shoe racks if that counts?
Hmmmmmm.................
...........................so an actress, a dancer is seen as a hoarder? I mean, we have outfits and accessories galore and when I move into my ranch house, I will probably dedicate a closet to such. Talking with a girl friend right now, as it would be, about shopping for our mermaid tails together. In my master bedroom closet, that's where oodles and oodles of my boots will go.
Rather concerned, though, that having book shelves loaded with books is seen as hoarding.
While there are those that are pictured on TV, I suppose that it comes down how we define it in our minds to whether the date is it or not.
Basically and overall, if we see things in our dates that we don't like, however we wish to call it, that will probably be the deal breaker.
I used to watch the show 'Hoarders' all the time. Some people hoard trash and they do tend to have trash everywhere. Some of them are about collecting things of value, or garage sale finds but they don't deal with them. They go into ignore mode.
I actually watched that show a lot because I was trying to lose the hoarder mentality. I am not a big hoarder but I was a baby hoarder. I had tendencies.
It did help me recognize the distorted thinking, where objects represent memories or parts of yourself, and parting with them is painful. Most hoarders plan to rehome their items, but they never do. They can't throw things away.
I learned that it is ok to throw things away because it is better then holding onto them to wait until the time comes when you are going to take them to the donation center. That time never comes and the items are not in great shape and maybe nobody else wants them. Hoarders also tend to think that their trash is treasures.
A lot of the people would go into hoarder mode after a loss, such as a death. It is a coping mechanism, or that is how it starts out.
Would I date a hoarder? Maybe, but I would have to really like him and I would make him watch 'Hoarders'.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 26 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,361,544 times
Reputation: 5382
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx
I don't mind if A woman is a hoarder as long as she treated me good and was faithful, if it was too bad I would just hang with her at my place.
Casual dating maybe. Serious relationship, no way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Why would it be shocking that someone keeps books in their bookcases? This one I don't get. I've seen homes where an entire huge wall of a hallway or living room is full of books. That's fairly normal. Trash and papers everywhere--that's another matter. I wouldn't call it hoarding, though. Hoarding is when someone goes to yard sales or junk yards or flea markets, and brings home more and more stuff, often collecting variations of the same items that they fixate on. They consider the piles of stuff to be a valuable "collection", and they're obsessive-compulsive about adding to it. It's a form of OCD.
Your ex-guy is just disorganized and undisciplined; he's messy. He's not a hoarder.
The 3 bookcases wouldn't of look so bad if his room was kept tidy. He told me that the 3rd bedroom was a complete disaster because there was no shelves to put things on. I didn't take a peek so can't describe what it really looked like. In his bedroom, he had trash bags full of stuff laying around that needed to be thrown out. The carpet could barely be seen because it was so littered with papers, plastic bottles, dirty laundry, magazines and junk laying around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
The purpose of a bookcase IS to hold books. That should not have shocked you...
True. Although the bookshelves no longer have any more space for books, so any more books he bought would be placed in a pile somewhere
...........................so an actress, a dancer is seen as a hoarder? I mean, we have outfits and accessories galore and when I move into my ranch house, I will probably dedicate a closet to such. Talking with a girl friend right now, as it would be, about shopping for our mermaid tails together. In my master bedroom closet, that's where oodles and oodles of my boots will go.
Rather concerned, though, that having book shelves loaded with books is seen as hoarding.
While there are those that are pictured on TV, I suppose that it comes down how we define it in our minds to whether the date is it or not.
Basically and overall, if we see things in our dates that we don't like, however we wish to call it, that will probably be the deal breaker.
It was tongue in cheek and a joke
Of course it's not hoarding, It came to mind as my ex was a stereotypical lady and had a mountain of clothes, shoes, handbags etc
And NO I'm pretty certain that a book rack won't be considered clutter
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You couldn't walk into the room without stepping on trash. It was absolutely cluttered with garbage that needed to be thrown out. He also had 3 huge bookcases filled with mostly books. 
Hs bathroom was a disaster with papers and junk laying all over. 
