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Story of my life- I meet someone I want to know better. I have always been compassionate towards most people, so I try to make the person feel at ease by being understanding, by not pressing their sore buttons. I try to find out more about them, trying to get to know them as a person, and making them feel comfortable with being imperfect. I guess they feel comfortable and at ease with me, and start getting attached. I often hear guys say how easy it is for them to talk to me, to be around me. But with these feelings of ease, they also seem to get comfortable. Maybe too comfortable. So comfortable that they get the perception that I am going to be with them and loyal to them forever (because I don't like to make people jealous on purpose). I notice that they stop trying to impress me, and stop chasing me. I want to feel like I am worth chasing and impressing. Instead they get comfortable with me and fall in love, but in a very secure way. I start feeling taken for granted, and occasionally i even get bored with their laziness to chase and impress. And want to walk away. And they are left confused, and perhaps hurt, although that has never been my intention.
I want someone to realize that me creating a safe space for them to be themselves is not because I'm in love with them, but because that's how I'd like to be treated and because I think that playing games on purpose is stupid.
How do I break the vicious cycle? How do I stay my compassionate self, while not becoming taken for granted? How do I stay both understanding and accepting of imperfections, but also worth chasing and impressing?
As soon as the guy starts farting in front of you, that's where you need to have the "too comfortable" talk. Usually about 1-2 months into the relationship.
As soon as the guy starts farting in front of you, that's where you need to have the "too comfortable" talk. Usually about 1-2 months into the relationship.
What does it mean to have the "too comfortable" talk? I don't like to make demands; I don't like to tell people how I want them to act with me. I want to give them the safe space to show their true colors, so that I can see what they are like at their worst and decide if that works out for me.
What I'm hearing is; "I don't want guys walking all over me, but I don't want to tell them not to walk all over me, cause I want to get to know if he's the kind of guy who will walk all over me."
What I'm hearing is; "I don't want guys walking all over me, but I don't want to tell them not to walk all over me, cause I want to get to know if he's the kind of guy who will walk all over me."
But how can we tell them people what we want them to be and still allow them to be themselves? Do we have the right to demand anything from anyone?
As soon as the guy starts farting in front of you, that's where you need to have the "too comfortable" talk. Usually about 1-2 months into the relationship.
I usually don't crapping myself in front of a SO until six months! I better start making up for lost time!
When you're nice to men, and don't call them out on their bad behaviors, they think you like them and want them, just as they are. There is nothing wrong with what you're doing, but it is interpreted differently in the male mind, usually, than you intend. Most women put up barriers towards men, and they - rightly - interpret that as lack of interest, or rejection. Your compassion is mistaken for romantic and sexual interest, and they they feel that they've already won you over, and don't need to try hard any more.
My wife has often commented on this. She can't be nice to men at work, or she gets hit on. She has to maintain a distant, dismissive attitude, in order to simply do her job without being harassed. She's also noticed that this is especially true in the south - northerners are less likely to misinterpret kindness as "interest."
At what point do you think they should stop chasing you? Never?
What do you do to chase the guy and impress him?
The point to relationships, in part, is to be comfortable around someone.
If you don't like that someone, then it is time to move on.
I'm the opposite of you, guys always knew where the line was.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
35,630 posts, read 17,968,125 times
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marketa, nowhere in this do you say you love or even like the guy.
You make them comfortable and at ease, and as a result of your efforts you'd like for them to chase after you indefinitely.
Do you like these guys?
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