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It's not all gloom and doom. There are wonderful things about being a parent...or at least I think so. I think so because I WANTED to be a parent. Someone who doesn't want to be a parent doesn't think so, or else realizes there are wonderful moments but these wouldn't make up for the drawbacks.
OR realizes that they want a different life sentence/journey.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
It is a personal decision and nobody can say the decision for yes or no, is right or wrong.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,701 posts, read 41,775,771 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1986pacecar
First off, I can't believe I'm replying to this inane, likely made up thread, but how can you say her feelings are completely wrong? They're her feelings so it really isn't up to you to say they're wrong. It's how she feels, just like you feel the opposite. Who is right and who is wrong depends on your own perspective. Also, keep in mind this is the OPs version of it and I have a feeling 99% of it is fantasy.
Let's see: she would force her husband to have 10 kids or else. She calls a lack of desire on the OPs part to parent selfish because his GF didn't agree, when it is a massive life decision.
i asked my ex if this was the hardest decision she has ever had to make. i told her it was the hardest decision i have ever had to make and live with ie to choose not to go down the parent route with her and as a cost end up losing her.
i was agonised but in the end chose not to.
she did not give me a clear cut answer, she just said she was very upset at our split.
Good for you that you wanted that lifestyle...it's not for everyone and those who do not value that lifestyle should not be demonized for it. Just because others don't want kids does not mean they have poor values.
Good thing I've never made that accusation!
Quote:
Child-free people also have great values...so what if they are different from yours?
Eh. Being child-free doesn't imply "great" values, anymore than having children does.
Hello, once you are a parent, you are a parent for life, that is technically a life sentence. Parenting is great for others, sure as hell not for me. I'm self-aware to know this.
I know all this. But the key word was AWFUL life sentence. I don't understand putting such a negative spin on bringing a life (that most likely shares your own DNA) into the world. I can't wrap my head around why child free people are so hung up on acting like children ruin everyone's lives. You were children once too..
Down syndome comes with so many potential physiological developmental issues that it's one genetic disorder that can be observable via ultrasound. While ultrasound alone doesn't definitively ID Down syndrome (only chormosomal screening can detect the status of the 21st chromosome), second trimester ultrasound scans are used to view various physiological soft markers that are common predictors of Down syndrome. They include: absent or small nose bone, dilated brain ventricles, mild kidney swelling, bright spots in the heart,'bright' bowels, shortening of arm bones or femur, an abnormal artery to the upper extremities, and increased thickness of the back of the neck (nuchal fold measurements).
None of those markers in isolation is a flag for Down syndrome; many of them being present is a stronger marker. When my son was in utero, we already knew from genetic screening that he did not have Down syndrome, but a later second trimester scan showed the bright spot in the heart marker. By the next ultrasound, it was gone.
Genetic screening isn't actually foolproof, either, in terms of 100% IDing issues.
I have heard of people whose ultrasound(s) did not show markers (nuchal fold, for example) and therefore, they did not have the amnio, as they had no reason to suspect an issue.
Not correcting you - I have special needs children but you as a special needs teacher have almost certainly seen many more special needs people than I have. I'm just pointing out that even where an actually verifiable genetic condition can be verified (i.e. Trisomy 21 - the extra 21st chromosome is either there or it isn't, leaving aside mosaicism but that one is a stretch so I'll leave that alone), if it isn't a concern either due to ultrasound or other reasons (for example, doctors usually suggest amnio to AMA mothers), the parent might very well not know until birth that the child has DS.
And I agree that genetic screening isn't actually foolproof, not only because it can't eliminate every single genetic possibility but due to lab error and other factors. I'm all for science and progression in this area but there are no promises. There are no guarantees. There just aren't. Anyone who is relying on gurantees to get them a "healthy" child are rolling the dice. ANY of us who have children are rolling the dice despite our best efforts. We need to really be into this, or we need to not do it...IMO.
It's the other side to the coin of being a parent is one of the most important things an adult can do and its part of "real" adulthood, which many people share. They're both extreme statements of valid points.
It's also also highly individual. Parenting may well end up being the most important thing I ever do as an adult. Time will tell. If it's true, whether or not it's "extreme" is really kind of immaterial.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,012,374 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shimmy00
I know all this. But the key word was AWFUL life sentence. I don't understand putting such a negative spin on bringing a life (that most likely shares your own DNA) into the world. I can't wrap my head around why child free people are so hung up on acting like children ruin everyone's lives. You were children once too..
Why do parents so often acting like children are the light of the world and bring joy to everyone's life and day?
Again, other side of the same coin.
And yeah, I was a child once. So? I couldn't wait until I wasn't a child. Didn't enjoy it at all. Being an adult is MUCH MUCH better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
It's also also highly individual. Parenting may well end up being the most important thing I ever do as an adult. Time will tell. If it's true, whether or not it's "extreme" is really kind of immaterial.
It may well be, and if so, that's awesome.
But my point in saying it was "extreme" wasn't to say it was wrong, it was just the opposite of "having children being the worst thing I ever did" crowd. They're both extremes, and while in some cases it might be accurate, I think in most cases its just a way to make a point / stress a point.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,701 posts, read 41,775,771 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shimmy00
I know all this. But the key word was AWFUL life sentence. I don't understand putting such a negative spin on bringing a life (that most likely shares your own DNA) into the world. I can't wrap my head around why child free people are so hung up on acting like children ruin everyone's lives. You were children once too..
I was also a cashier but I don't want to experience that again either in any form or fashion.
Children will change your life. Bottom line. Some are cool with that, Childfree folks don't want to make that change.
Fine then I will take your word for it.
and yes I agree.
You should not have kids just to keep a woman around OP.
Having kids is a big serious deal its life changing but for crisis sake do not ever have kids if you really don't want them.
I don't know why people here are still encouraging for OP to have kids thou this is not good to do.
If OP does not want kids respect his decision
That's not what is being done. I don't advocate for anyone to have kids who doesn't want them. What wasn't totally clear when I first posted was whether or not he himself knew for sure that he didn't want them.
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