Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
She is, of course, absolutely right. Daughter might not have the body type of mom. However, even if they don't have the same body type, daughters often pick up many of the same habits, attitudes, and behaviors of their mothers. So seeing what mom is like is still a great window on the future, even if one is tall and the other is short. Even someone with a skinny body type can end up pretty fat, if they eat too much, don't exercise or are alcoholics. So daughter might not be near as overweight as mom, but she could still end up being a pretty big woman. The opposite is also true. I know of a woman who was 350 lbs, but her mother was thin.
Yeah, all of these hopeless, mindless women. So incapable of actively choosing not to repeat the cycle of dysfunction and addictive, unhealthy behavior
You assume wrong, if I get married, I get married. If I don't, I don't. Marriage isn't a goal, its a result, a result of two people deciding they want marriage for themselves. One person doesn't decide to get married.
About half of the weddings I've been to in my life started as hook ups /ONS that never ended. None of those have ended in divorce. The some that started slowly (started as friends) did end as divorce, and in the end the lack of passion killed it. They were compatible as friends, but not as lovers. Sexual compatibility and chemistry are critical.
Well, I guess we hang out in different crowds then. Because I haven't met anyone that it is successfully married that jumped into sex right away (at least none that are close enough to me where I could actually analyze their marriage). All of my married friends are professionals.
The people that I know that had casual sex right away usually had problems down the road that prevented them from getting married.
I'm really trying to think of a married couple that I know that hooked up first and I can't think of anyone.
Quote:
But I hope what you are doing works for you. I tried the move slow and getting to know someone before jumping into bed thing, several times when I was a kid. It resulted in nice platonic dating relationships. One I almost married !
It seems like you're thinking in extremes: "Sex right away or you are friendzoned". It really isn't that way even based on my own experience.
I'm not saying that I won't make a move or kiss them on the first or second date. I am saying that I don't think it's appropriate to sleep with them that early. Huge difference between what I'm saying and what you seem to think I'm saying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLind
I agree with everything you say except I will add one thing. A woman doesn't always take after her mom, she could take after her dad and the women on the dad's side of the family. If mom is thin in middle and older age, but a woman follows the paternal side when it comes to body shape, then you are in for a surprise. I'm basing this off my own family. There are women who have very hourglass shapes with Apple shaped daughters, but then the grand daughters are shaped like grandmom.
Agreed. I have not found this to be true.
Quote:
If also say the divorce and criminal activity apply only as an indicator if she is close to that side of the family. I have an aunt and uncle with kids who are a mess. Arrested often, dropouts, etc. But no one in the family has had nothing to do with them for years. They kind of cut themselves out of the family years ago.
Agreed. This is situational and is not something I would use to pass judgment on someone. I believe that people should be held responsible for their own actions, not for that of their family. As long as they're not in close contact with these individuals, it's a non-issue for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CosmoStars
Well there's no way your goin to find out.
Unless they tell you directly.
Somethings are better left unsaid
One of my very successfully married friends told me that there are ways that I can tell. I'm not sure what he meant by that, but I will ask him sometime. I know his wife VERY well (she was my supervisor in the military) and he's married to a great woman. He has the kind of relationship that I want. So if he says something, I listen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rent.in.nyc
Armsman, I totally agree with you and you are soooo right. This is the right way to do it, do not change!
If somebody sleeps with somebody he/she should NOT meet and see other people. And one should only sleep with one person in the same time period, not with several alternately.
Thanks. I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie
Women have a good reason to be cautious and going slow with men. Men are much stronger than women and can overpower them in most cases, or at least inflict serious bodily harm. They'll want to go slower before they trust you when not in public. Women are also more cautious because men in some cases portray themselves as something they are not. The reality though, is that men should also be more cautious, especially if they're getting married. Some men have gotten surprises after they got married.
Definitely true. I feel like I'm being very cautious. I think this is the benefit of waiting until you are a bit older to settle down. I've done and seen a lot. I know many of the potential pitfalls. Of course, I'm sure there are more out there that I don't know about as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rent.in.nyc
Men OR women should NOT sleep with 2 different partners in the same time period!
You have to break it off with one and THEN sleep with the other one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rent.in.nyc
Anyways, this never ends well, one of the three will get hurt.
How can somebody sleep with somebody today and tomorrow meet somebody else for dinner and maybe sleep with him/her, too?
??????
As you see there are still decent people in this world.
I agree. I think it's highly inappropriate and reflects poorly on that person's character. I do not do these things and I am simply holding women to the same standard that I hold myself to. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion.
I have been single all my life and most of that, dateless. Hence, I've built up a way of life, of what I do, how I have fun, how I feel.
Now, there is another in my life that I have fun with. Even if I might desire to spend every waking moment with them, there is still the built up "infrastructure" that demands attention.
There is no objective answer to your question, OP. Don't overthink this.
Heck...it's not unusual for the SAME person to move slowly in one (potential) relationship...and then move much faster after meeting the next guy, because the dynamics are different from one encounter to the next.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by armsman
Well, I guess we hang out in different crowds then. Because I haven't met anyone that it is successfully married that jumped into sex right away (at least none that are close enough to me where I could actually analyze their marriage). All of my married friends are professionals.
As are mine. Doctors, professors, lawyers, CPAS, Engineers, etc. What does that have to do with anything? Are you trying to say something that this indicates the quality of the person? I seriously hope you weren't going there, for your own good.
I suspect, actually I know, in lots of cases people don't reveal they actually went home together on the first date, or first meeting, to those in their lives that are judgmental. People tell different things to different people and definitely withhold major parts of their lives to the judgemental sect.
As are mine. Doctors, professors, lawyers, CPAS, Engineers, etc. What does that have to do with anything?
From what I've seen, professionals are less likely to engage in this kind of behavior. They tend to be more responsible on average (obviously, this is not true for everyone).
Quote:
Are you trying to say something that this indicates the quality of the person?
This type of behavior, to me, suggests poor decision making, focus on the wrong things, and an inability to delay gratification.
For example, I know a girl that I was talking to back in college (nothing ever happened, but we stayed in touch). She was normal at the time, all the way up until she had a fiancee. He cheated on her. That sucks, but what's worse is her response to the situation. She started sleeping around A LOT, got into massive debt, then got into a long-term relationship with a girl. (She's a doctor too. I could just imagine the havoc she was reaping at work).
Well, surprise surprise, none of that worked out. Then, she tried to date me. Clearly, she does not make very good decisions and is not mentally equipped to deal with challenges in life (I was cheated on my a long term girlfriend too....that didn't make me sleep around, get into debt, and change my sexual orientation).
Quote:
I seriously hope you weren't going there, for your own good.
I was going there and I suspect that it actually will be for my own good.
Quote:
I suspect, actually I know, in lots of cases people don't reveal they actually went home together on the first date, or first meeting, to those in their lives that are judgmental. People tell different things to different people and definitely withhold major parts of their lives to the judgemental sect.
Well, this may be true of people that you know. But it's not true for people that I know. I have reasons for knowing this beyond the scope of this thread.
But, seriously, who am I going to believe? My closest friends who are currently in successful marriages who also tend to be very honest with me (and some of whom I actually witnessed the courting process) or some random guy on an anonymous internet forum that readily admits that he's in his 40s and has never been married.
No offense, but you're clearly not someone that should be giving advice on this particular topic because you don't have the slightest idea on how to have a successful marriage (and neither do I, which is why I take advice from people that are currently in one).
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by armsman
From what I've seen, professionals are less likely to engage in this kind of behavior. They tend to be more responsible on average (obviously, this is not true for everyone).
Horsebleep, and there is nothing "irresponsible" about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by armsman
For example, I know a girl that I was talking to back in college (nothing ever happened, but we stayed in touch). She was normal at the time, all the way up until she had a fiancee. He cheated on her. That sucks, but what's worse is her response to the situation. She started sleeping around A LOT, got into massive debt, then got into a long-term relationship with a girl. (She's a doctor too. I could just imagine the havoc she was reaping at work).
She was probably in her 20s. She's a kid.
And her work was probably fine. Oh, and nice to imply that getting into a relationship with a woman is a negative. Lovely.
Quote:
Originally Posted by armsman
No offense, but you're clearly not someone that should be giving advice on this particular topic because you don't have the slightest idea on how to have a successful marriage (and neither do I, which is why I take advice from people that are currently in one).
Do what you want. I'll give advice on what I want to give advice on, choose to listen or not. I do know how to avoid unsuccessful marriages, which is the biggest thing one can learn. I was engaged, I've been in numerous LTRs, I avoided marriages that would have ended. That is success. Much more of a success than getting married and having it end.
Often the most successful relationships are those that are short lived. When people mature they know when to end things before they've gotten really bad. That's a positive: realizing this isn't going to work out, and end it before there is a lots of pain and investing in something that isn't going to work. There are many of 3-6 mo relationships that are 1000000X more successful than 15 year marriages.
Horsebleep, and there is nothing "irresponsible" about it.
It absolutely is irresponsible. At worst, you are risking exposure to STDs and possible unplanned pregnancy. At best, you will be wasting time and, very likely, money.
Quote:
She was probably in her 20s. She's a kid.
And her work was probably fine. Oh, and nice to imply that getting into a relationship with a woman is a negative. Lovely.
It's a negative in this particular situation. I'm looking for someone that is emotionally and mentally stable. This one ain't it.
Also, to make this completely clear, I have nothing against the LGBT community. However, I simply do not personally want to get involved with someone that can't make up their mind in regards to their sexuality. It's my preference. Sue me.
Quote:
Do what you want. I'll give advice on what I want to give advice on, choose to listen or not. I do know how to avoid unsuccessful marriages, which is the biggest thing one can learn. I was engaged, I've been in numerous LTRs, I avoided marriages that would have ended. That is success. Much more of a success than getting married and having it end.
Often the most successful relationships are those that are short lived. When people mature they know when to end things before they've gotten really bad. That's a positive: realizing this isn't going to work out, and end it before there is a lots of pain and investing in something that isn't going to work. There are many of 3-6 mo relationships that are 1000000X more successful than 15 year marriages.
I would not consider you to be successful at all. Frankly, it sounds like you waste a lot of time.
Well, I guess we hang out in different crowds then. Because I haven't met anyone that it is successfully married that jumped into sex right away (at least none that are close enough to me where I could actually analyze their marriage). All of my married friends are professionals.
The people that I know that had casual sex right away usually had problems down the road that prevented them from getting married.
I'm really trying to think of a married couple that I know that hooked up first and I can't think of anyone.
It seems like you're thinking in extremes: "Sex right away or you are friendzoned". It really isn't that way even based on my own experience.
I'm not saying that I won't make a move or kiss them on the first or second date. I am saying that I don't think it's appropriate to sleep with them that early. Huge difference between what I'm saying and what you seem to think I'm saying.
Agreed. I have not found this to be true.
Agreed. This is situational and is not something I would use to pass judgment on someone. I believe that people should be held responsible for their own actions, not for that of their family. As long as they're not in close contact with these individuals, it's a non-issue for me.
One of my very successfully married friends told me that there are ways that I can tell. I'm not sure what he meant by that, but I will ask him sometime. I know his wife VERY well (she was my supervisor in the military) and he's married to a great woman. He has the kind of relationship that I want. So if he says something, I listen.
Thanks. I agree.
Definitely true. I feel like I'm being very cautious. I think this is the benefit of waiting until you are a bit older to settle down. I've done and seen a lot. I know many of the potential pitfalls. Of course, I'm sure there are more out there that I don't know about as well.
I agree. I think it's highly inappropriate and reflects poorly on that person's character. I do not do these things and I am simply holding women to the same standard that I hold myself to. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion.
Im replyin only to the bold but it sounds like you are just looking for trouble and looking for ways to dismiss men
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
