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Yes. I was raised by one the best damn sociopathic, dysphunctional people in the free world; with that wealth of seconhand experience, and inherent distrust of people, no one gets past my radar.
No one is going to admit to being a bad judge of character and open themselves up to criticism OP.
I'll be the first! I am a terrible judge of character. I immediately like everyone I meet. And yes, it gets me burned sometimes. It takes time for me to learn what someone is really like and even then I tend to want to think the best of them. That's why it always took me a few dates to figure out if a guy was a bad character. That is easy to figure out although it takes me a few dates. It was those middle of the road but leaning towards bad that took me too much time and ended up with me getting hurt. I get to that danger zone where I figure out he's no good, but I have feelings. I listen to others in those times because their judgement is clearer than mine which are muddled with feelings.
But I survived and kept trying and I ended up with an amazing and wonderful man. And that's not just my opinion, everyone I've met thinks highly of him. My friends, my relatives, his peers, his family. Even his ex wife likes him.
Back to social (judge of character outside of dating). I have the luxury of taking my time socially. So there I rarely get burned. But you know what, to brag a little this weakness of mine is a strength. My attitude towards others and liking them when I meet them, I'm well liked in return and because I see the best in people. It's lead to me being an asset where I work because "difficult" customers like me and respond to me. And personally, I tend to think life is better and and I'm happy. And this all leads to my life being pretty stress free.
I know this is a weakness of mine though. So while still friendly and likeable, I also tend to be a bit more cautious. Experience taught me that.
I like to think that I'm a good judge of character but, like BellaLind, I have been fooled. At a previous job, I sat next to a man whom I really liked. He was smart, funny, hardworking, clean-cut and an all around goody-two-shoes type of person. I was stunned when he was escorted out the office one day by the FBI. Besides being a hardened criminal (embezzlement, fraud, tax evasion) I learned afterwards that not only did he had a serious drug problem, but he also had a wife and two children that I never once heard him mention.
I sat next to this guy every day at work for two years and I had no clue whatsoever.
I'll be the first! I am a terrible judge of character. I immediately like everyone I meet. And yes, it gets me burned sometimes. It takes time for me to learn what someone is really like and even then I tend to want to think the best of them. That's why it always took me a few dates to figure out if a guy was a bad character. That is easy to figure out although it takes me a few dates. It was those middle of the road but leaning towards bad that took me too much time and ended up with me getting hurt. I get to that danger zone where I figure out he's no good, but I have feelings. I listen to others in those times because their judgement is clearer than mine which are muddled with feelings.
But I survived and kept trying and I ended up with an amazing and wonderful man. And that's not just my opinion, everyone I've met thinks highly of him. My friends, my relatives, his peers, his family. Even his ex wife likes him.
Back to social (judge of character outside of dating). I have the luxury of taking my time socially. So there I rarely get burned. But you know what, to brag a little this weakness of mine is a strength. My attitude towards others and liking them when I meet them, I'm well liked in return and because I see the best in people. It's lead to me being an asset where I work because "difficult" customers like me and respond to me. And personally, I tend to think life is better and and I'm happy. And this all leads to my life being pretty stress free.
I know this is a weakness of mine though. So while still friendly and likeable, I also tend to be a bit more cautious. Experience taught me that.
I always try to like everyone. Sometimes it doesn't happen. But I had to condition myself not to trust everyone you meet. Being friendly and putting trust in everyone's hands are different things. You can still think the guy is a dirtbag, but still be friendly.
It's easy for me to speculate and assume I'm a good judge of character when I'm home alone with my thoughts, but when I'm out and around people I can be pretty naive.
I live in area with a lot of new mental illnesses. I can state without hesitation, some of these formerly 'good ones' have even snapped. See your next 'catch' bugging strangers, decide if these are your kind of values, you want to deal with a mental illness or time to break it off. Would check this out before I gave man access to your house as gets really expensive if he turns out to be stalker, vandal or thief. Better to use his pad until you have spent enough time out to see if you want to deal with him long-term.
Some jobs will get you in trouble for keeping a crazy or rude date for events. If events are your business, he can be a deal buster for some unless he brings in your clientele with his connections.
I really don't want to deal with one of these 'personality problem' type but this is really just what is left here as business situation is terrible here. Have to keep your mouth shut with a 'nice guy' so you don't get eaten by the predators...Can be helpful to latch onto the aggressive/rude ones with connections but 'you earn every penny of it' as the wife of some of these say.
Also have to know the ones who mistreat people are 'conditional' people who will break it off with you over any kind of stressor, crisis, etc. So, you need to be able to support yourself.
Bad character is really easy to pick out if it is really bad. People with bad character can be darn good at hiding it for awhile. Especially people who are crazy; they know something is not right with themselves, so they copy acceptable behavior without understanding it and they can't maintain for long.
Because I am a landlord, I meet all sorts of charming people whom I like on sight. Then I run their credit report and their criminal background and find out who is behind the curtain. So, yeah, I might go to drink a beer with them and have a good time, but I would never do anything financial with them or anything where I would have to depend upon them, even for small things, let alone major life issues.
Any time a person is exceptionally charming, it raises warning flags for me. perhaps, over time, it will turn out that they are nice people who happen to be charming. But most often, they are con artists who are turning on the charm in order to get something.
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