She does not love me that much and it annoys me. Should I get out of this relationship? (women, single)
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The description can be too long and confused. I wrote many things and many parts of them are subjective. So if you don't want to read it all, please just answer the question in the title.
I have been with this girl for 8 months. We started as friends (I helped her a lot with her studies and she admired and coveted me for being really successful in our field) but there was always something more between us. At some point we were together and were having the best time possible without me proposing to be officially gf bf. I was the one who was a bit in doubt and didn’t want to get committed, but she obviously wanted it. we finally started a committed relationship 3 months ago, and somehow after it our relationship has not been that great anymore. Maybe we just passed the honeymoon phase or maybe she liked the more hard-to-get type of me. I really don’t know. We have never said the “I love you” sentence and we have talked and I know she doesn’t feel that much love. I don’t either, but the fact that she doesn’t really annoys me. I have never been in a relationship like this. It was always the other way around and I was the one who was loved but not feeling similarly that much.
She has broken off with me once but started it again herself and said that she felt a lot of feelings for me after that breakup. I have tried to show that I care about her in actions and compliments. She doesn’t do it often and she says this is the way she generally is. She does like me, expresses admiration, and gets jealous or does sweet things to me sometimes. But I do try much more. I am experiencing some type of depression too and I feel the need to see her or send her messages or do something that makes her like me more. I sometimes feel like asking her whether she loves me or not. The ups and downs of our relationship is really killing me and gives me very depressive feelings. I have a history of depression (or maybe some mild version of borderline disorder). I feel bad many times and I don’t know if breaking up can help me with this, although I would feel awful for some time after a breakup.
I need help
My impression: It seems to me like both of you just don't want to be single and alone but there isn't enough feelings for a relationship (at least from her side). She strings you along to have somebody when she feels lonely.
My impression: It seems to me like both of you just don't want to be single and alone but there isn't enough feelings for a relationship (at least from her side). She strings you along to have somebody when she feels lonely.
This seems like a good interpretation. I have thought about it too. I feel terrible.
The description can be too long and confused. I wrote many things and many parts of them are subjective. So if you don't want to read it all, please just answer the question in the title.
I have been with this girl for 8 months. We started as friends (I helped her a lot with her studies and she admired and coveted me for being really successful in our field) but there was always something more between us. At some point we were together and were having the best time possible without me proposing to be officially gf bf. I was the one who was a bit in doubt and didn’t want to get committed, but she obviously wanted it. we finally started a committed relationship 3 months ago, and somehow after it our relationship has not been that great anymore. Maybe we just passed the honeymoon phase or maybe she liked the more hard-to-get type of me. I really don’t know. We have never said the “I love you” sentence and we have talked and I know she doesn’t feel that much love. I don’t either, but the fact that she doesn’t really annoys me. I have never been in a relationship like this. It was always the other way around and I was the one who was loved but not feeling similarly that much.
She has broken off with me once but started it again herself and said that she felt a lot of feelings for me after that breakup. I have tried to show that I care about her in actions and compliments. She doesn’t do it often and she says this is the way she generally is. She does like me, expresses admiration, and gets jealous or does sweet things to me sometimes. But I do try much more. I am experiencing some type of depression too and I feel the need to see her or send her messages or do something that makes her like me more. I sometimes feel like asking her whether she loves me or not. The ups and downs of our relationship is really killing me and gives me very depressive feelings. I have a history of depression (or maybe some mild version of borderline disorder). I feel bad many times and I don’t know if breaking up can help me with this, although I would feel awful for some time after a breakup.
I need help
I think part of your depression is the hurt pride that she doesn't love you as much as you think she SHOULD. it makes you feel less worthy.
You describe that usually the girls love you more. Sounds like your ego is suffering because of her partial rejection and you wonder why you cannot MAKE her love you (more). So you get pushy, which might withdraw even more.
You are right again. Maybe Im just afraid of a more serious depression after a breakup and sad about all the good memories and mutual interests that we had. I am sure she would have never let it pass if I had been the one who refused to have sex with her the other night. She used to admire me so much that she was shy around me and now she is treating me like this. Im now thinking of having a serious talk about all this with her and let her choose to either uderstand what she is doing and change her behaviour or end things. How does it sound?
no Im not a native American.
You are right again. Maybe Im just afraid of a more serious depression after a breakup and sad about all the good memories and mutual interests that we had. I am sure she would have never let it pass if I had been the one who refused to have sex with her the other night. She used to admire me so much that she was shy around me and now she is treating me like this. Im now thinking of having a serious talk about all this with her and let her choose to either uderstand what she is doing and change her behaviour or end things. How does it sound?
no Im not a native American.
That sounds like a jerk move. Do you actually want a relationship or just to control her and think you can make her admire you more?
The description can be too long and confused. I wrote many things and many parts of them are subjective. So if you don't want to read it all, please just answer the question in the title.
I have been with this girl for 8 months. We started as friends (I helped her a lot with her studies and she admired and coveted me for being really successful in our field) but there was always something more between us. At some point we were together and were having the best time possible without me proposing to be officially gf bf. I was the one who was a bit in doubt and didn’t want to get committed, but she obviously wanted it. we finally started a committed relationship 3 months ago, and somehow after it our relationship has not been that great anymore. Maybe we just passed the honeymoon phase or maybe she liked the more hard-to-get type of me. I really don’t know. We have never said the “I love you” sentence and we have talked and I know she doesn’t feel that much love. I don’t either, but the fact that she doesn’t really annoys me. I have never been in a relationship like this. It was always the other way around and I was the one who was loved but not feeling similarly that much.
She has broken off with me once but started it again herself and said that she felt a lot of feelings for me after that breakup. I have tried to show that I care about her in actions and compliments. She doesn’t do it often and she says this is the way she generally is. She does like me, expresses admiration, and gets jealous or does sweet things to me sometimes. But I do try much more. I am experiencing some type of depression too and I feel the need to see her or send her messages or do something that makes her like me more. I sometimes feel like asking her whether she loves me or not. The ups and downs of our relationship is really killing me and gives me very depressive feelings. I have a history of depression (or maybe some mild version of borderline disorder). I feel bad many times and I don’t know if breaking up can help me with this, although I would feel awful for some time after a breakup.
I need help
This is the downside of being a "challenge". When you start off not really that available to a women (like you did in the beginning when you had doubts), you will mainly attract women who can only really be into you when you are not that available.
As soon as you become more invested, this type of woman is going to start losing interest, as you can see is happening now.
You are right again. Maybe Im just afraid of a more serious depression after a breakup and sad about all the good memories and mutual interests that we had. I am sure she would have never let it pass if I had been the one who refused to have sex with her the other night. She used to admire me so much that she was shy around me and now she is treating me like this.
Yep, and the same thing would have happened with the other girls if you would have become invested in them. When you aren't available yourself, you attract women who only want you when you are not really available. When you finally do get to the point when you think you are emotionally available, they are going to lose interest.
Both people should be equally excited about the other for a relationship to really work. If one person is way more into the other person then it's not going to work or at least not work happily. Most people would be sad if their SO didn't seem as into them as they were into them, not annoyed. Are you sad because you don't feel she likes you as much as YOU like HER, or annoyed because it pricks your ego that she isn't fawning all over you?
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