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I find it hard to believe that you have found 100 women online that you have significant compatibilities with and none have responded. There is likely much more to the story.
I don't find it far fetched. Same EXACT experience here... except it's thousands at this point, not hundreds.
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Women read this as "no fatties" just fyi.
Likely. I don't put it. I just don't message/reply to obese women. I don't even mind "cute chubby" or a little thick on a girl.
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And now you've probably reduced your dating pool by half. Most women over 30 are going to have children. Further, even if they don't have children they will see your attitude as a negative. Also, there may be women in their 40s who have older teenagers or grown children which you might "consider" but they would write you off for a negative attitude toward other people's kids. I know I would.
I don't mention that either. Just set my profile to 'Doesn't have kids', and filter my searches to women who don't have them. There's still plenty of options.
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Women send "Hi" messages because men do it ALL the time, so why can't we?
Well, I'm not "men", I'm an individual that doesn't send BS messages. Garbage in, garbage out. Doesn't matter if you're man, woman, or Martian.
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And no one said anything about multi page sonnets, and no one ever has, but so many of you guys jump to this conclusion when women say they want a message that shows you actually read our profile. I never said that, no one has ever said that. Some of us even put that right in our profile and still get "Hey" messages. Not our fault if guys can't read.
I do consise + topical; maybe some humor; generally inquire about something. Three/four sentence-ish. And I can (and do) read perfectly fine. Doesn't make a difference.
I got back into dating when I was 45. It was a fantastic age to be dating. I quickly learned not to make initial contact on OLD; it was better to have a good profile and photos and let women initiate. Over the course of about a year, there were some weeks I didn't meet someone new, but others where I met two or three - but hundreds more were not worth meeting. I had several short relationships, one that could have become long term, and also met my wife who is as perfect a match as I can imagine.
I ignored message that just said "Hi" or "How are you" unless there was a good profile behind it. I was fit, and asked for the same in my profile. I was clear about what I sought in terms of values and beliefs - not that anyone paid attention to that, it seemed. I was also specific that I wanted to date women with children who were at least a certain age (close to my own child). I got contacts from a surprising number of women who had no children, and/or had never been married - but the one who best matched had children (in the age range I specified). I didn't need a lot of potential mates - I just needed one great match, and found her.
Are you kidding? 40's is the golden age for most reasonably attractive, successful men out there...
This. OP, get out into your community and meet people. Get involved in activities, groups, clubs. Be patient; don't expect overnight results. Just circulate--put yourself out there. Chat, mix, mingle. Give it time and see what happens.
I do send specific messages with content from their profile and specifically along our shared common interests. I don't even contact women I am not compatible with.. why would I? As for attractiveness, I am not going for the 9s or even the 8s. These are in my opinion decent looking but average and based on the attractive women I have been with in the past I know I should be be able to attract at least some of them.
As for deterioration of looks, I don't think it's that significant. I'm 40 not 60 LOL! And if you keep yourself up you don't decline that rapidly.
As for the statement that women don't tolerate BS, well I don't either. Plenty of women have ridiculous amounts of baggage and yes, I don't want to deal with it... here are my basic criteria (I am ALL these things myself so I am not asking for something that I am NOT!!):
- decent looks (average is fine with me, i'm not looking for a supermodel!)
- reasonably fit and takes care of their health (I am physically active and want to share that, I think it's super important, a partner who does not take care of their health brings you down as well)
- no emotional issues (NPD, BPD, Bi-Polar, CPD, Abandonment disorder or any of the other diagnoses), I am not a psychologist or psychotherapist and can't take care of or deal with these issues.
- financially stable, should not be broke or have large debts that they can't reasonably repay and have some savings and live within their means, if you are not doing this in your 30s then you have serious financial literacy issues.
- No children (I don't want to support other people's kids and deal with another man in the picture...sorry, this is a non-negotiable)
- have a non-superficial interest that they are passionate about. I am not compatible with people who's major interest is watching a reality show on TV or going to the mall and shopping.
- Be compassionate, kind, empathetic, patient, loyal and relationship-oriented (values fidelity). I think these are basic traits that are expected so nothing surprising here.
If you look at my list above I am looking for substance and not superficiality that most people on these online sites are looking for.
I do get a few messages from women but have not had any messages from anyone that I have anything in common with. Virtually all the messages I got from women were "Hi!" which I find ironic because so many women complain that men send them short messages.
I see nothing wrong with a short message with a few lines pertaining to some content in their profile that you connect with. If a woman expects multi-page sonnets specifically tailored to her as a first message she is delusional and that would reek of a huge sense of entitlement.
My goodness. At 40 you have over twice the requirements for women than I had at 50 after having survived a divorce that ended a marriage of 25 years. Quite frankly, in sum it all sounds very controlling. Have you published it and had any takers yet?
My goodness. At 40 you have over twice the requirements for women than I had at 50 after having survived a divorce that ended a marriage of 25 years. Quite frankly, in sum it all sounds very controlling. Have you published it and had any takers yet?
I, personally agree with his take on it as long as he brings something similar to the table. It doesn't sound controlling at all.
I quickly learned not to make initial contact on OLD; it was better to have a good profile and photos and let women initiate..
This ^ is my rule #1.
#2 - Don't write more than a few sentences about yourself... This probably only works for guys who don't have a long check list.. I personally don't care if she has kids, is college educated, went thru a nasty divorce, has a big ol' butt etc.. I'll decide if those things are a deal breaker after I've met her.
Aren't there plenty of available 40+ year old women you can date? Or are you still going for 22 year olds (then I would agree it's a bit too late for that)?
It is over after 40. I got divorced at 40 and the whole decade has sucked for dating. I'm also in good shape. Online dating doesn't work for men our age.
I got back into dating when I was 45. It was a fantastic age to be dating. I quickly learned not to make initial contact on OLD; it was better to have a good profile and photos and let women initiate. Over the course of about a year, there were some weeks I didn't meet someone new, but others where I met two or three - but hundreds more were not worth meeting. I had several short relationships, one that could have become long term, and also met my wife who is as perfect a match as I can imagine.
I ignored message that just said "Hi" or "How are you" unless there was a good profile behind it. I was fit, and asked for the same in my profile. I was clear about what I sought in terms of values and beliefs - not that anyone paid attention to that, it seemed. I was also specific that I wanted to date women with children who were at least a certain age (close to my own child). I got contacts from a surprising number of women who had no children, and/or had never been married - but the one who best matched had children (in the age range I specified). I didn't need a lot of potential mates - I just needed one great match, and found her.
You must have lived in a fantastic city for dating, like NYC.
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I'll look forward to that starting next year, because it suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks right now.
