Is dating for men dead after 40? (young, sex, affair, mature)

[Mikelee81]

Originally Posted by k374

Recently single so back on OKCupid... I know online dating is bad for men but I recall I had much better luck last time I was on the site (in my late 30s)... i'm 42 and have not had much luck in 6 mos. Been on 1 date and sent around 100 messages, got around 5 responses!!! Although I am getting a lot of profile likes nobody responds.

In contrast in my 30s, I had several dates and had 3 serious relationships in the last decade of online dating.

My physical appearance is infact better now, i'm fitter.. so i'm guessing age?

I just was on a date with a girl I met at an open mic night.

We talked about OLD for a bit and both agreed that it's not a desirable medium to meet people. This could be the case for older people, but not people that are younger.


So the issue is get out there and meet people. Get involved in activities where there are other women around, single or not. Many times people meet through friends.


I recommend just putting the brakes on OLD altogether. I honestly believe that women view men that use OLD as more undesirable from the beginning. Guilty until proven innocent. There's something "wrong" with you. You must lack natural social skills, traits of attraction, etc.

I've completely discontinued all of my OLD profiles. For those that know me on here, that's some what of a miracle. lol

I've finally after years of being on it and seeing the disappointing results, have thrown in the towel.

And I've never been happier. I plan on getting more involved in the local music scene, get set up more bands, and meet more beautiful women in real life.

Much much nicer outcome.

[VanMarlton]

I actually keep hearing from everyone that 40+ men have an upper hand in dating simply because women vastly outnumber men later in life. There is this inverse relationship (allegedly).

[Mikelee81]

Originally Posted by VanMarlton

I actually keep hearing from everyone that 40+ men have an upper hand in dating simply because women vastly outnumber men later in life. There is this inverse relationship (allegedly).

I don't think men are dropping dead at 40 to account for the increased in availability. I don't think you'd see this happen until one gets into their 60s IMO.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by VanMarlton

I actually keep hearing from everyone that 40+ men have an upper hand in dating simply because women vastly outnumber men later in life. There is this inverse relationship (allegedly).

I think it's more like 50+. There aren't that many men dropping dead in their 40's.
I read an article by a guy who had a blast dating at 50. He was amazed that women who wouldn't have given him the time of day when he was younger were open to dating him at 50. He said he dated a beauty queen, a corporate CEO, and a variety of accomplished women. He said the only criterion they seemed to have for their dates was that they be alive and breathing. While that sounds like an exaggeration, it indicates that the OP shouldn't have too much trouble, even in the 40's. But it depends on the 40-something, and what he's looking for. I've run into 40-somethings who dress and talk like big teenagers. That's not everyone's cup of tea.

[37 Pieces of Flair]

Originally Posted by VanMarlton

I actually keep hearing from everyone that 40+ men have an upper hand in dating simply because women vastly outnumber men later in life. There is this inverse relationship (allegedly).

You don't really see this phenomenon until you get into your 60's. The 40-something singles scene, at least in my neck of the woods, is still very much a sausage fest.

[VanMarlton]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

I think it's more like 50+. There aren't that many men dropping dead in their 40's.
I read an article by a guy who had a blast dating at 50. He was amazed that women who wouldn't have given him the time of day when he was younger were open to dating him at 50. He said he dated a beauty queen, a corporate CEO, and a variety of accomplished women. He said the only criterion they seemed to have for their dates was that they be alive and breathing. While that sounds like an exaggeration, it indicates that the OP shouldn't have too much trouble, even in the 40's. But it depends on the 40-something, and what he's looking for. I've run into 40-somethings who dress and talk like big teenagers. That's not everyone's cup of tea.

Yes, that is probably more correct. I suppose mid-40's is when things are kinda starting to turn around for some men and probably mostly due to the fact that women over 40 are also much less picky, have more realistic expectations and maybe don't have as many options as they did in mid 20's (for various reasons). So to address the threads main question, dating is not so bad for men over 40, generally speaking.

[chiluvr1228]

Originally Posted by MoonBeam33

100 messages? Containing what kind of content? 100 "Hi, how are you?" or "Your beautiful" (yes, I misspelled that because that's what we get) messages will get you nowhere. Are you just spamming everyone with a cute photo, or are you actually reading the complete profile and sending messages with substance?

I'm going to give it to you straight - women in their late 30's and above have zero tolerance for BS and are not going to respond to "Hey, what's up?" Women in this age range who are looking for a serious relationship will read your profile very carefully, and if there are any red flags, inklings of you looking just for fun, bad answers to OKC questions, etc. they will skip you no matter how cute you are.

You got that right. I joined OKCupid this weekend because I've been pressured by family & friends to start dating again. I'm not impressed with a quick message saying "hi pretty - how's it going?" I've had 10 messages all with variations on the same message. You can tell some of them don't even bother to read your profile. I was going to meet one for coffee until I read his response to some of the questions. Complete turn-off.


I'm not a social butterfly so I don't go many places to meet guys. I met a guy about 6 months ago who seemed nice, he sold my son his car but the first thing he asked me when we were alone is "have you ever slept with a black guy"? Is this really all there is in the 50-60 range?


I thought I would try OLD again as I had some luck a few years back. I think I will stick with Christian Mingle or one of the pay sites. There seems to be a better quality of men on those.


Funny after 4 years I still see some of the same guys on OKCupid.

[TabulaRasa]

A very select group of people are going to consider 40s "later in life."

[Atlguy39]

Well, I'm an introvert, and a shy one at that. I feel like both work against me. I force myself to go out, however. For example, I went out Friday to a meetup group and a buddy joined me (with his date). Stayed for about 2 hours, but had he not been there, wouldn't have lasted an hour. I just have a hard time meeting new people in a loud bar, which is where this meetup was. Saturday night I went out alone and went to a couple of bars. The first one was fairly quiet and all couples. Had one drink and left. The next was louder and crowded and I felt so self conscious standing there alone with a beer in my hand. Total time out: 1 1/2 hours. I was sorry I went out at all.

As for online dating, have any other guys noticed all the con artists posing as women on Match? I'm just done and think I'll follow Mikee's lead and delete all profiles.

As unfortunate as it is, I've come to the conclusion that unless I can get out of my current city (and I use that term loosely) I will be single. It sucks because I'm not getting any younger and dreams of a family are passing me by. I spoke with a good friend about this over the weekend and he agrees that its 85-90% where I live. I tried to take responsibility by saying I need a different personality, but he mostly disagreed. I just don't know anymore.

[timberline742]

I just turned forty
Is it too late to find love?
Magic eight ball = yes