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No, no, intellectual is good! Depends on the lady, but then, you're looking for similar, one can assume.
Not really. While I don't want dumb, most of my girlfriends have been about average / maybe a bit below average. Two were going to college when I was with them, but I've never had a college graduate girlfriend. I never really thought about it, but maybe I'm not good enough for educated and/or professional women either... despite being an educated professional myself. You guys are really working to kill what's left of my self esteem here, LOL! Let's see what else we can dig up.
Ultimately, though, I think it's far more important to be open minded than simply book smart... that only goes so far, IME. Your worldview and knowledge will grow either way if you continuously learn, explore, and experience things. There have been a number of PhD's that I've worked with that are head-scratchingly naive/ignorant outside of their chosen professions. Then again, one of my best friends who's an anthropologist and lifelong academic is the smartest, most worldly, and abstract thinker I know. YMMV, I guess.
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You're in Phx? Is it more traditional there, or something? People get married young? What about all the suburbs, Tempe, etc.? Are there no singles groups of any sort? No singles hiking (fall is great weather for that), meetups, nothing? Buddhist/Taoist/Zen groups? (Forgive me if I've asked you this stuff before.)
There's a lot of traditional burbs type families around, yes... but downtown (RoRo, in particular) is more artsy/gentrifying, and Tempe is more driven by the college crowd. It's really tough because I don't really have any friends in either crowd. I go by myself a bit, but it gets old. I'd rather be at shows where I'm there for an actual reason other than, "There might be single women here".
Meetup groups are terrible here (they were way better back in Portland). I go (again) when it's something I'm interested in, but single, eligible women aren't exactly a thing... at all. They seem really cliquey, too. The singles-specific groups are all empty nesters. My mom would fit in perfectly. I tend to stick out like a store thumb. I went to a few. Enough to know my alt dreamgirl probably isn't cruising them.
Last edited by Mr_Polymath; 10-27-2016 at 11:22 PM..
Good point... I should have just put 25-35 in the title. Not able to change that now. Talking specifically about that age bracket of middle age folks.
It sounds like you're still mis-labeling 25-35 as "middle aged". By most definitions middle age starts at 40 or 45. By no definition (that I've ever seen or read, anyway) does it start before 35. 25-35 is young adulthood. Hell, the younger end of that is arguably still adolescence by some definitions.
To answer your question, though: No. Dating as a man for me got easier in my 30's, and has continued to get easier into my 40's. It was tough at times in my 20's, but that didn't have anything to do with single mothers-- It had to do with people (me as well as the women I dated) still being in the process of growing up, not having our careers or lives in order, playing games, not being sure of what we wanted in life and relationships, etc.
Also, in my 20's it seemed women all wanted the hot guy at the bar or the buff guy at the beach, which was definitely not me. In my 30's and 40's it seems women (even the hot ones) want a stable guy with an interesting job/hobbies who is a good listener and likes to laugh, travel, and do fun things with them. That *is* me. Perhaps for some studly-looking jock type guys who have little else going for them, dating gets harder as they get older, but I think for us normal guys it gets easier.
Good point... I should have just put 25-35 in the title. Not able to change that now. Talking specifically about that age bracket of middle age folks.
In what universe is "25-35" middle age?
In my personal experience, 25-35 were my peak dating years.
I think that anyone 25-35 who is "launched", on a successful career trajectory, and who has an active/interesting life is going to have no problem attracting women. In particular, single professional women in their early 30's with a ticking biological clock. If you fit the "good husband prospect" profile, pretty much any early 30's woman is going to give it a shot.
If you don't fit that "good husband prospect", then yeah, many women looking to date grown-up and launched men in that age bracket won't have any interest at all.
In my personal experience, 25-35 were my peak dating years.
I think that anyone 25-35 who is "launched", on a successful career trajectory, and who has an active/interesting life is going to have no problem attracting women. In particular, single professional women in their early 30's with a ticking biological clock. If you fit the "good husband prospect" profile, pretty much any early 30's woman is going to give it a shot.
If you don't fit that "good husband prospect", then yeah, many women looking to date grown-up and launched men in that age bracket won't have any interest at all.
Why is everyone so hung up on definitions here? I specified the age bracket, what that age group is called is not the point of the discussion.. For crying out loud
As to what you are saying about successful people... I don't know. I am probably as stable as they come as far as my job/lifestyle. I went out to a few dates and those few women I was interested in seeing again decided to look elsewhere. Its a crapshoot, what can I say.
But I was also talking about the process of getting dates to begin with. 80% of the time its like you're trying to talk to a wall. Unless they have kids, in that case most of the women answer much more frequently. What does that tell me? That childless women can afford to be highly selective because they have way more options.
Why is everyone so hung up on definitions here? I specified the age bracket, what that age group is called is not the point of the discussion.. For crying out loud
As to what you are saying about successful people... I don't know. I am probably as stable as they come as far as my job/lifestyle. I went out to a few dates and those few women I was interested in seeing again decided to look elsewhere. Its a crapshoot, what can I say.
But I was also talking about the process of getting dates to begin with. 80% of the time its like you're trying to talk to a wall. Unless they have kids, in that case most of the women answer much more frequently. What does that tell me? That childless women can afford to be highly selective because they have way more options.
Or maybe the women with children have always been more friendly, outgoing, and open to men... which is why they married early and had children in the first place. Not saying women without kids are mean or anything (with me I was just very shy and kept to myself and got few dates until I came out of my shell), but I'm saying like a lot of things that involve the complexity of human relationships, there is probably a lot more to it than simple options.
Most people over 30 have been married and/or have kids already. Hence, the "baggage".
I've found many middle aged men online dating sites were looking to date much younger women, who were not interested. 50 year old men whose age cutoff for a woman was 30. Not totally realistic.
I disagree completely that dating is hard for men in the 25-35 age range. In fact, I think that this is a age range where it is fairly easy to form meaningful relationships.
Under 25, dating is based to a large extent on the fact that both men and women are less experienced and somewhat dumb when it comes to relationships. When I was in college and in my early twenties, I had very little filter in terms of what women I dated: I would make a pass at many many women and the ones that reciprocated would be the ones that I dated, usually for very short periods of time. I was never very invested in any relationships because I was always thinking about the next one. I thought that the path to successful dating was impressing women, which I now know to be very backwards. I also thought that the act of going on dates was a means to an end, and I didn't really enjoy the dating process unless it lead to physical gratification at the end. The women I met were pretty much determined by my circumstances: in college I mostly dated the women I met in my classes and on my track team, as a YP I dated other YP's in my social circle, etc. It wasn't until I was in my mid twenties that I realized that I could be more intentional about the women I met my being more thoughtful about the types of activities and commitments that I spent my time on. The idea of compatibility and aligned values became more important, and relationships became much more rewarding.
When I was an early 30's divorcee, getting dates was incredibly easy: as in shooting fish in a barrel easy, and I am not rich or really good looking or anything and I never even tried online dating. There was a period of time when I was separated but before my divorce was officially final where I seemed to meet several women every week without even trying, and I started actually enjoying going out with a date, regardless of what happened afterwards or whether I saw her again. I could see how a guy could enjoy this lifestyle for decades, but then I met my wife and the rest, they say, is history, and I don't have any regrets.
I am 37 and happily married now, so I don't plan on seeing what dating is like in my 40's or 50's, but I would imagine that it follows a similar trajectory: men and women both have a much better idea of what they want and how to get it.
Why is everyone so hung up on definitions here? I specified the age bracket, what that age group is called is not the point of the discussion.. For crying out loud
As to what you are saying about successful people... I don't know. I am probably as stable as they come as far as my job/lifestyle. I went out to a few dates and those few women I was interested in seeing again decided to look elsewhere. Its a crapshoot, what can I say.
But I was also talking about the process of getting dates to begin with. 80% of the time its like you're trying to talk to a wall. Unless they have kids, in that case most of the women answer much more frequently. What does that tell me? That childless women can afford to be highly selective because they have way more options.
I had plenty options as a woman with children. More positive or successful experiences than my ex-husband, or any man I dated. Far more. I was highly selective when it came to serious dating/LTR search.
And while friendly, I didn't just engage in small talk with random dudes in-person. I don't like small talk, and wasn't interested in meeting potential dates this way.
When I was an early 30's divorcee, getting dates was incredibly easy: as in shooting fish in a barrel easy, and I am not rich or really good looking or anything and I never even tried online dating. There was a period of time when I was separated but before my divorce was officially final where I seemed to meet several women every week without even trying, and I started actually enjoying going out with a date, regardless of what happened afterwards or whether I saw her again. I could see how a guy could enjoy this lifestyle for decades, but then I met my wife and the rest, they say, is history, and I don't have any regrets.
I am 37 and happily married now, so I don't plan on seeing what dating is like in my 40's or 50's, but I would imagine that it follows a similar trajectory: men and women both have a much better idea of what they want and how to get it.
This completely mystifies me. Are you sure we are living on the same planet?
This completely mystifies me. Are you sure we are living on the same planet?
I guess it could be the fact that I live in the international metropolis that is Cincinnati, Ohio - "The heart of it all"- where single women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. If not, it could also be that I am associated with the chick-magnet profession of bioanalytical chemistry. Nothing gets the ladies in a romantic mood like some discussions on the uses of inductively coupled plasmas for atomic spectroscopy. If those things can't explain it, then certainly my female-dominated hobbies of home-brewing, historical firearms collecting, and pipe smoking can surely explain our different perceptions of dating. What woman isn't enthralled with the prospects of examining the barrel wear on a rusted 1944 Jungle Carbine while enjoying a pint of nitro tapped homemade stout and the pungent smell of English Cavendish.
Seriously I can't see where you are coming from at all. My early thirties were a time when I had far more options for dating than I had time to actually go on dates, and my single friends had very similar experiences. The guys I know who are still single now in their mid-to-late thirties are still going on several dates every week. The only sexually frustrated guys who can't get a date that I ever see on a regular basis are my 20ish aged college students who are still figuring out how to talk to women.
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Depends on the lady, but then, you're looking for similar, one can assume.
I never really thought about it, but maybe I'm not good enough for educated and/or professional women either... despite being an educated professional myself. 
You guys are really working to kill what's left of my self esteem here, LOL! Let's see what else we can dig up. 
There have been a number of PhD's that I've worked with that are head-scratchingly naive/ignorant outside of their chosen professions. Then again, one of my best friends who's an anthropologist and lifelong academic is the smartest, most worldly, and abstract thinker I know. YMMV, I guess. 
