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So basically, do you think I did the right thing when she said she wants to be friends? She said she still wants to hangout with me and kiss "if I (as in me) want to" so does that mean I am still friend zoned? I clearly like her, just don't know if what I did was the right thing to this situation. What do you all think?
It sounds like she needs to have it explained that friends don't kiss or have makeout sessions. Ask for clarification: 'Are we "friends'? If so, I don't kiss my friends. Are we dating and in a process going toward bf/gf?" But if she says "yes" to the latter, then you have to decide if you can handle being kiss-zoned until she gets over her trust issues.
How into her are you? What's with this thing of guys counting the number of dates until sex? Everyone's different in that regard, and she explained to you why she wasn't ready yet.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-31-2016 at 01:26 PM..
I didn't want to come off as a tantrum. I figured by saying "just friends" that she was friend zoning me. And once you are there, there's no way out right?
No, your tantrum was in giving her an ultimatum. "Well, I've got a harem-in-waiting and you're gonna have to act fast if you want a piece of this!" That's a sure-fired way to take any chance you may have had and destroy it with expedience.
Stop subscribing to the psycho-babble BS that those who proclaim themselves as "coach" would have you believe. Instead, think for yourself.
I'm not sure she put you in the friend as much as you put yourself there. It's also a mistake to say that you can never graduate from the friend zone.
Having said that, it is likely she doesn't have the capacity for a relationship, at the moment. Kissing is as far as she is willing to go until she finds someone to move her off that spot. In the meantime, she still craves dating and you were there to fill that need. Doesn't make either of you right or wrong, but if you are seeking something more with her, you'll need to understand it won't happen quickly.
If you continue to hang out with her, but eliminate the kissing, I'm willing to say there is a chance it will pay off, as you are showing you care about her, but it would be a very long game. What would have been the right thing to say is, "I like you and want to keep spending time with you, but until you reach a point you are ready for more, maybe our relationship should stay friendly and not necessarily exclusive."
Your response was perfect. Never settle for the "friend zone". Sounds like she just wanted to string you along with kissing so she could get free meals and entertainment.
Your response was perfect. Never settle for the "friend zone". Sounds like she just wanted to string you along with kissing so she could get free meals and entertainment.
So this girl that I have been seeing the last couple of months I think "friend zoned" me. And I do not know if my approach was the correct approach. She was so wishy washy when she said it.
Background: Her and I have been on about 5-6 dates. And the most we have done is kissed each other. This past weekend, I was hoping to escalate it to more than kissing and more intimate, which in the end landed me getting friend zoned. Her and I went to a college campus for Halloween and I got us a hotel room. When we got back, she said she doesn't want to take it any farther right now because she has trouble trusting people and just got out of a two year relationship like 4-5months ago. She said she still wouldn't mind kissing if I wanted to and still wants to hangout with me but as friends until more trust builds. I just said "okay" and went to sleep.
The next day she texted me asking about homework in a class and I answered. I then sent another text basically saying "I am not interested in being just friends, I have out other girls on the back burner for her, and I can not continue hanging out with her outside of class and if she changes her mind, depending where I am at to get a hold of me." (This is the Coach Corey Wayne Approach) She responded saying "So you don't want to hangout with me as a person?" And I said "Not unless it is something more." And the convo ended in her saying "If that's what you want." The only problem is, I see her twice a week in class and one of the days I am her lab partner.
This all went down yesterday and today I saw her in class and she sat next to me like normal and was engaging conversation in me and kept trying to force convo. (Almost acting like nothing has changed but she was talking a lot more than normal)
So basically, do you think I did the right thing when she said she wants to be friends? She said she still wants to hangout with me and kiss "if I (as in me) want to" so does that mean I am still friend zoned? I clearly like her, just don't know if what I did was the right thing to this situation. What do you all think?
Thanks
Ps: I am usually pretty good at reading a woman's attraction level. She would flirt, hit me up to do something occasionally, say like she knew she had a good feeling for a reason when she met me, etc.
5-6 dates in "the last couple of months" doesn't sound like you've been seeing each other often/regularly. Some women need more time to build up intimacy especially if there was a lot of time in between dates. It sounds like she wanted to take it more slowly than you because she didn't feel comfortable yet to take it to the next step. She did mention kissing, that's not really what friends do - so there was attraction there on her part I'm guessing (assuming that she doesn't make out with people she isn't attracted to).
She may have also been a bit nervous because with you having booked a hotel room, there was a clear implication. Are you both quite young? And after you said "okay", was there more kissing or did you just turn around in a huff?
Your texts the next day would have been a complete turn off for me. Not sure if you can salvage it at this point. If I was the girl, I would move on. If sex early on is that important to you (and there is no problem with that!), and she needs more time - just move on because you're not compatible. Pressuring somebody into having sex is not cool.
I think what Ruth said was correct with this particular situation. You needed clarification of what your relationship actually IS going forward. Are you dating with a long view of a relationship, or are you strictly friends and kissing is off the table? I think how you handled the situation is pretty sad and never throw in another person's face that you have other suitors in waiting. That comes off like you can't be trusted.
I can vouch that she's probably confused on what's the best move to make. She obviously likes you, but is terrified of being hurt again, so she wants to feel you out and not cloud her judgment by sleeping with you too soon. You can likely save this, only because you still work in proximity of each other twice a week, but you need to do damage control quickly. You overreacted and she's only trying to guard her heart. Maybe she is and maybe she isn't pinning after her ex, but everyone takes a risk when pursuing a relationship, even if the other person isn't pinning after an ex. There's no guarantees in the game of love.
I think what Ruth said was correct with this particular situation. You needed clarification of what your relationship actually IS going forward. Are you dating with a long view of a relationship, or are you strictly friends and kissing is off the table? I think how you handled the situation is pretty sad and never throw in another person's face that you have other suitors in waiting. That comes off like you can't be trusted.
I can vouch that she's probably confused on what's the best move to make. She obviously likes you, but is terrified of being hurt again, so she wants to feel you out and not cloud her judgment by sleeping with you too soon. You can likely save this, only because you still work in proximity of each other twice a week, but you need to do damage control quickly. You overreacted and she's only trying to guard her heart. Maybe she is and maybe she isn't pinning after her ex, but everyone takes a risk when pursuing a relationship, even if the other person isn't pinning after an ex. There's no guarantees in the game of love.
She still wants to hangout with me and get to know each other slowly. If my response was a huge turn off to you, it seems like she did not take it that way. She approached me in class today and was the one leading the convo and chagning topics of discussion ALOT more than usual. Idk what to do lmao
5-6 dates in "the last couple of months" doesn't sound like you've been seeing each other often/regularly. Some women need more time to build up intimacy especially if there was a lot of time in between dates. It sounds like she wanted to take it more slowly than you because she didn't feel comfortable yet to take it to the next step. She did mention kissing, that's not really what friends do - so there was attraction there on her part I'm guessing (assuming that she doesn't make out with people she isn't attracted to).
She may have also been a bit nervous because with you having booked a hotel room, there was a clear implication. Are you both quite young? And after you said "okay", was there more kissing or did you just turn around in a huff?
Your texts the next day would have been a complete turn off for me. Not sure if you can salvage it at this point. If I was the girl, I would move on. If sex early on is that important to you (and there is no problem with that!), and she needs more time - just move on because you're not compatible. Pressuring somebody into having sex is not cool.
5-6 dates, and seeing each other twice a week in class.. but yea. she didnt seem to take it as a turn off seeing as today in class she acted like nothing happened and was the one that was conversating with me a lot more than usual.
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