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For the d-bags: If I were his gf I would have heard "My love for you is slipping because you have messy hair and some extra pounds. The fact you are loyal, loving, and great to be around means zero...because I don't want to bang you as much as before. Your value is in how much sexual attraction I have for you... not of your character and how good you are to me." That and she already was feeling upset about the changes she was going through, just...wow.
And some ppl here are telling her how manipulative and unstable she is. Just, wow.
Just wow. You like to insult people and always assume the worst what someone comes to you with a concern...
For the d-bags: If I were his gf I would have heard "My love for you is slipping because you have messy hair and some extra pounds. The fact you are loyal, loving, and great to be around means zero...because I don't want to bang you as much as before. Your value is in how much sexual attraction I have for you... not of your character and how good you are to me." That and she already was feeling upset about the changes she was going through, just...wow.
And some ppl here are telling her how manipulative and unstable she is. Just, wow.
Women are constantly reminded culturally we have sexual value and nothing else...then our beloved only solidifies that. Just...wow.
If you all want a loyal life partner and children with that partner you will have to get over yourselves.
For all of those people who think he shouldn't have said anything, what do you think he should have done? Lied? Just gone on and continued to not be attracted to her? Broken up with her?
If she were to accept my apology, I would stop focusing on the weight/looks and focus more on understanding her, making her feel less stressed, and being healthier together. In other words, I would focus on the root of why things may have changed in the first place, and work together with her to make these things better. If that's a wrong approach, let me know.
I 100% think this is the right approach. I wish you luck in this. You seem like a good guy and I think you misspoke in your initial conversation with her and are paying too high a price for it. I know you will be very hurt if she decides to end the relationship because of this but remember that if this happens, it says more about her than it does about you.
I wouldn't say that, no. I think in large part, I've taken for granted all of the truly amazing things about our relationship. Now that we are potentially on the brink, I am seeing all of these things and realizing that my love for her is about far more than looks alone.
If she were to accept my apology, I would stop focusing on the weight/looks and focus more on understanding her, making her feel less stressed, and being healthier together. In other words, I would focus on the root of why things may have changed in the first place, and work together with her to make these things better. If that's a wrong approach, let me know.
What is amazing about a woman who is so insecure that she can't stand to hear what her partner is feeling about something that she can change?
What is so amazing about a woman who asks you what is on your mind and then needs to take a break when you tell her?
What is so amazing about a woman who can't even talk about something that is important in a relationship, the attraction of one partner for another?
What is so amazing about a women who gaslights you and tries to put this issue on your shoulders?
What is so amazing about a woman who will probably just continue to put on more and more weight and take less and less care of herself?
What is amazing about a woman who is so insecure that she can't stand to hear what her partner is feeling about something that she can change?
What is so amazing about a woman who asks you what is on your mind and then needs to take a break when you tell her?
What is so amazing about a woman who can't even talk about something that is important in a relationship, the attraction of one partner for another?
What is so amazing about a women who gaslights you and tries to put this issue on your shoulders?
What is so amazing about a woman who will probably just continue to put on more and more weight and take less and less care of herself?
Why do you assume she will "just continue to put on more and more weight?" You actually believe she just does this to be lazy? Again, I don't know many women who just decide to gain a lot of weight and stop taking care of themselves because they don't feel like it anymore and want to take advantage of their "man." But it is what happens to people with anxiety and depression. I do think she overreacted with the one-week break thing, which I consider immature, but OP has the right to try to see it through his own way.
I see what you're saying, but I guess the difference here is that I'd be happy to make my gf happier if she wanted me to wear a certain type of shoes (assuming they're not ridiculous) or shirt, or whatever. And if she said I'd be sexier if I had a six pack, you can bet your *** I'd work hard to attain one if I knew it made her more sexually attracted to me AND I loved the girl.
This is the way that a caring partner thinks.
At the very least, a caring partner listens to what the other person has to say and doesn't gaslight him to try to make him feel as if his feelings are wrong.
Why do you assume she will "just continue to put on more and more weight?" You actually believe she just does this to be lazy? Again, I don't know many women who just decide to gain a lot of weight and stop taking care of themselves because they don't feel like it anymore and want to take advantage of their "man." But it is what happens to people with anxiety and depression. I do think she overreacted with the one-week break thing, which I consider immature, but OP has the right to try to see it through his own way.
People who refuse to look at negative things that they are doing, but instead gaslight others who point these things out, almost always continue to do those negative things.
I wouldn't say that, no. I think in large part, I've taken for granted all of the truly amazing things about our relationship. Now that we are potentially on the brink, I am seeing all of these things and realizing that my love for her is about far more than looks alone.
If she were to accept my apology, I would stop focusing on the weight/looks and focus more on understanding her, making her feel less stressed, and being healthier together. In other words, I would focus on the root of why things may have changed in the first place, and work together with her to make these things better. If that's a wrong approach, let me know.
That's not necessarily a bad approach. However, it only works if she is willing to listen to the hard facts of what she is doing and how you are feeling about it.
You are dating. Part of dating is figuring out if you are compatible in the long run. If her value system says it is OK to let herself go just because she is stressed, but you believe the opposite, then you are probably not compatible.
If she thinks it is not OK to tell your partner when something about them bothers you, but you feel the opposite, then you probably are not compatible.
Dating is about figuring this stuff out and then ending things if you figure out you are not compatible.
At the very least, a caring partner listens to what the other person has to say and doesn't gaslight him to try to make him feel as if his feelings are wrong.
Exactly. If the gf cared about him, her first reaction would of been one of gratitude for him wanted her to be healthy, instead of taking a break to do god knows what.
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