Maybe my boyfriend loves his female friends more than he loves me (dating, wife)
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Hi, there!
I've been in this relationship for a year and a half and my boyfriend has many close female friends that have been in his life for like 15, 16 years (he is 37, I am 30). I never challenged these relationships and always let him spend as much time as he wanted texting them, confiding and so on, I never cared, I never even checked on his phone, even though I got really annoyed by the silent time we spent together side by side, he texting his friends and me trying to get some attention (modern days).
One of these friends is an attractive woman every man looks at as she goes by and she lives in another city; I know how gorgeous she is and my boyfriend once commented that, too (you know she is a beautiful woman, he told me). Lucky her (maybe).
In late July we flew to her city and I had the chance to meet her. Ok. Nice person, we got along.
I noticed how lovingly he glanced at her, but I didn't care, maybe it was on my mind, after all they have been friends for more than a decade.
I could also realize the much he despised her then-boyfriend, staring evil at him and saying on his back he was bad to her.
Two weeks ago they broke up and I invited her to come visit us and stay at my house if she wanted, after all I liked her. Two days after my offer - breaking news:
My boyfriend told me he offered to pay her the plane tickets and told me the fare was around $300 for a last minute trip in the continental country where we live.
She is not in need for money and that was totally unnecessary. She already had my apartment all for her own and she has like, a job, so really, man? She pays her bills as much as I do.
He taking the care to buy her the tickets bruised my feelings because he never gave me any gift more valuable than a scarf (I mean it!) and we had just come back from an Eurotrip that had cost me a lot (and we split the costs even, as it seems fair). All that said (and he never paid me any romantic dinner), I came to consider how worthy I may be on his eyes. Ok we live in the 21st century, men and women earn their livings but why does a man think a female friend more worthy an expensive consideration than his girlfriend?
Ok, call me jealous, call me mean, call me less atractive, but is there any way I could address this different treatment between me (the alleged girlfriend and future spouse) and the innocent friend without losing my dignity? If so, please tell me how.
By the way, the female friend noticed the awkward situation and gave up coming.
[quote=Pitt Chick;46239121]What did he say when you said all that to him?[/QUOTE
He said that he did so because she was a friend from many years and that he had also paid her ticket three years ago when she had broken up with another dude and decided to come to the city. She was important and I shouldn't try to get in between. His ex was also jealous of his friends. The answer didn't make much sense to me. You paid once you always pay? Worse.
He said that he did so because she was a friend from many years and that he had also paid her ticket three years ago when she had broken up with another dude and decided to come to the city. She was important and I shouldn't try to get in between. His ex was also jealous of his friends. The answer didn't make much sense to me. You paid once you always pay? Worse.
Then there you go! You know where she stands with him.
Can you deal with that or not?
At age 37, he is not going to change. She will always be in his life; she is important to him.
So you have to decide if this is a deal-breaker or not!
Hi, there!
I've been in this relationship for a year and a half and my boyfriend has many close female friends that have been in his life for like 15, 16 years (he is 37, I am 30). I never challenged these relationships and always let him spend as much time as he wanted texting them, confiding and so on, I never cared, I never even checked on his phone, even though I got really annoyed by the silent time we spent together side by side, he texting his friends and me trying to get some attention (modern days).
One of these friends is an attractive woman every man looks at as she goes by and she lives in another city; I know how gorgeous she is and my boyfriend once commented that, too (you know she is a beautiful woman, he told me). Lucky her (maybe).
In late July we flew to her city and I had the chance to meet her. Ok. Nice person, we got along.
I noticed how lovingly he glanced at her, but I didn't care, maybe it was on my mind, after all they have been friends for more than a decade.
I could also realize the much he despised her then-boyfriend, staring evil at him and saying on his back he was bad to her.
Two weeks ago they broke up and I invited her to come visit us and stay at my house if she wanted, after all I liked her. Two days after my offer - breaking news:
My boyfriend told me he offered to pay her the plane tickets and told me the fare was around $300 for a last minute trip in the continental country where we live.
She is not in need for money and that was totally unnecessary. She already had my apartment all for her own and she has like, a job, so really, man? She pays her bills as much as I do.
He taking the care to buy her the tickets bruised my feelings because he never gave me any gift more valuable than a scarf (I mean it!) and we had just come back from an Eurotrip that had cost me a lot (and we split the costs even, as it seems fair). All that said (and he never paid me any romantic dinner), I came to consider how worthy I may be on his eyes. Ok we live in the 21st century, men and women earn their livings but why does a man think a female friend more worthy an expensive consideration than his girlfriend?
Ok, call me jealous, call me mean, call me less atractive, but is there any way I could address this different treatment between me (the alleged girlfriend and future spouse) and the innocent friend without losing my dignity? If so, please tell me how.
By the way, the female friend noticed the awkward situation and gave up coming.
You cannot address it with dignity because something is wrong here. You just need to address it and I can almost guarantee you, he won't respond with dignity. Just as he has already making that false accusation you are getting in between them. Them? They are a couple now? Why isn't it the three of you? those words explain it all. He views himself and her as a couple, and there is no room for you. He wants free reign to act and do as he pleases with her, when you are really his girlfriend. Weird
It's good to have relationships but he is enmeshed with this lady, something he needs to be with you. What naturally happens is those friends on both sides either are compatible and equal friends of hte both of you, or they slowly start to fade out of the picture.
Let him be. It's not worth your time. He knows you, he obviously isn't that into you and you know it. So sorry to say this but I think you could find someone else who cares more about you. Good luck
I don't know about that. I'm not ready to judge him without his side of things. He may be into her, you might be overreacting. I also have female friends that I would do quite a bit for. And especially with friends in the decade plus zone, you'd bet your ass they'd get precedence. People that have been friends that long have been through a lot together, and know stuff about each other they wouldn't repeat to another soul.
That's just my opinion. I'm not sure why people are immediately thinking the worst of this guy.
Part of compatibility is priorities. Some have different priorities. Where whoever has been in their life longer is more important. So some consider decade-long friends more important than any romantic partner would be, and the friends will always take precedence, because they came first. And that's fine if both parties agree on that, thus nobody is offended or expects differently.
Then you have some who feel their parents will always come before anyone. Like a woman dating a guy and he always chooses his mother over her. Always tries to look out for and accommodate his mother before his girlfriend or even wife. And some girls who do the same with a boyfriend / husband vs. father.
Then, you'll have people who do feel that a romantic partner that you have been with for a while moves to the front of the line, and should be more important and have the more intimate relationship. Someone that you share your bodies with, and may even start a family with makes it more intimate and personal than platonic friends. Unless the 2 friends used to be involved sexually or romantically.
So you have to decide if you're ok with your boyfriend caring more about his friend than you. Because it's possible he does love her more than you, and will continue to do so.
If you are fine with that, and any other people he may love more than you, then stick with him.
If you believe a partner should come first on the priority list -after being together for a while, then you're simply not with the right man.
Last edited by HappyRain; 11-18-2016 at 02:50 PM..
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