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Hello, I am speaking in the 21st century. Both men and women can earn their living, however when it comes to first dates and relationships some men offer to pay the check and others never do. Does it have to do with how interesting the woman is or is it just something with the guy?
I ask that from the bottom of my self esteem because I have been with this boyfriend for more than a year and we always (even in the first date) split the check evenly. He never paid me a romantic dinner (not even on our first anniversary), never gave me any expensive gift and he earns twice as I do.
To give him a hint that it seemed awkward to me, I paid him expensive dinners some times, but he never thought of that as a clue, never paid back and so things went on. I got used and even liked that we had a financially fair relationship.
However, some weeks ago he told me a female friend would come visit us in the city. I offered my apartment for her to stay and he surprised me saying he had offered to pay her the $ 300 plane ticket. He said she "needed" because she, poor girl, had broken up with her thousandth boyfriend in a year.
That got me thinking that he is available to pay things for women other than me, and that made me feel like crap. I even sold my car to pay my 50% part in an expensive trip he had booked for us. He knew the trip would be heavy on my budget but never offered to help and even stimulated me to sell the car (now I am on foot).
As I made it clear, I always paid my part and don't regret it, but I felt sad when I saw him available to pay treats to other ladies. This particular woman doesn't need any money. She has an ok job and is a grown-up past the stage of killing herself over some teenage love.
I made him talk about it (he paying the ticket to someone who didn't need it). He said the female friend had also helped him in the past, that I was mischievous to think evil of him and that it was all on me, the jealous insecure girlfriend.
What do you think?
What makes a man pay things for some women and not for others?
End of story: the woman gave up coming visit us after alleging "there were only couples [me] in the city" (I took this conversation to him only after she gave up coming).
Holy sheet. I would never date a guy who didn't pay for the first date. I would pay if I had extended the invitation, but THAT would never happen. I would pay for other things later on, but NOT in the beginning.
It sounds like you've put a lot of energy into this relationship, but it may be time to cut your losses. I haven't read through all the posts and I don't know what other people have said, but I would dump that chump. I don't know if you've given more info in various posts that would make me change my mind. I'll go read through this thread, but I have a feeling this jerk is using you for sex and home cooked meals, and you can find someone a LOT better once you trash his ash. I would rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't give back.
If you don't leave, you will get more of the same.
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They do this for the same reason they will treat one woman like a booty call and want to marry the next. This guy is not that into you. Probably waiting until someone he really likes to come along.
Hello, I am speaking in the 21st century. Both men and women can earn their living, however when it comes to first dates and relationships some men offer to pay the check and others never do. Does it have to do with how interesting the woman is or is it just something with the guy?
I ask that from the bottom of my self esteem because I have been with this boyfriend for more than a year and we always (even in the first date) split the check evenly. He never paid me a romantic dinner (not even on our first anniversary), never gave me any expensive gift and he earns twice as I do.
To give him a hint that it seemed awkward to me, I paid him expensive dinners some times, but he never thought of that as a clue, never paid back and so things went on. I got used and even liked that we had a financially fair relationship.
However, some weeks ago he told me a female friend would come visit us in the city. I offered my apartment for her to stay and he surprised me saying he had offered to pay her the $ 300 plane ticket. He said she "needed" because she, poor girl, had broken up with her thousandth boyfriend in a year.
That got me thinking that he is available to pay things for women other than me, and that made me feel like crap. I even sold my car to pay my 50% part in an expensive trip he had booked for us. He knew the trip would be heavy on my budget but never offered to help and even stimulated me to sell the car (now I am on foot).
As I made it clear, I always paid my part and don't regret it, but I felt sad when I saw him available to pay treats to other ladies. This particular woman doesn't need any money. She has an ok job and is a grown-up past the stage of killing herself over some teenage love.
I made him talk about it (he paying the ticket to someone who didn't need it). He said the female friend had also helped him in the past, that I was mischievous to think evil of him and that it was all on me, the jealous insecure girlfriend.
What do you think?
What makes a man pay things for some women and not for others?
End of story: the woman gave up coming visit us after alleging "there were only couples [me] in the city" (I took this conversation to him only after she gave up coming).
I think it is time to cut him lose.
If I remember correctly, you had another thread about this and it seemed like him and the other girl are just friends but he has a secret crush on her. He pretty much would drop everything and everybody if she would make a move on him.
You are plan B on his life plan. Plan B doesn't deserve as much as plan A (her) and therefore you are not worth spending money on.
OP I pretty much ALWAYS pay for dates/nights out/cabs etc and especially in the early stages with ANY lady I'm seeing. ( and even with the boys I'm not exactly shy in putting my hand in my pocket )
Yes I've been brought up to be that way which I rather enjoy and certainly wouldn't change for the world, Personally I don't see a problem with being fun, doing something nice for someone else and most definitely to make it a great night out for the both of us
To answer the thread title....... If a bloke does that then I'd assume it's dependant on how much he fancies the lady in question or down to how flush his finances are at the time.
There isn't really any way to turn this around and "make" him respect you or anything, especially since so much time has gone by and his vision of you as unworthy (what a jerk) is firmly entrenched now. It just won't change no matter what you do or say. He will never forget that you allowed this for so long, ergo that you yourself were saying, without words, that you weren't worthwhile.
You need to just cut this one loose, I'm sorry. There is someone out there who will be absolutely crazy about you, and he won't treat you like this.
There isn't really any way to turn this around and "make" him respect you or anything, especially since so much time has gone by and his vision of you as unworthy (what a jerk) is firmly entrenched now. It just won't change no matter what you do or say He will never forget that you allowed this for so long, ergo that you yourself were saying, without words, that you weren't worthwhile.
You need to just cut this one loose, I'm sorry. There is someone out there who will be absolutely crazy about you, and he won't treat you like this.
^Totally agree, there is NO way to turn this around..
- Forging relationships are like pouring wet cement. All the crucial stuff has to be worked out early before all those weirdo behaviors you let slide get so set in stone that you need a freakin' jackhammer to break out lol
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