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my boyfriend started working a second job, 5 days a week, from his desktop computer from 11pm - 2am. He also works a regular 8-5 Monday through Friday.
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I only work 3 days a week, one job, 6pm - 11pm
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I also agreed to stop going out much on the weekends to help him save money and offer to pay half every time we go out.
You should be working full-time, and paying half ALREADY.
If I was your boyfriend, I would kick you to the curb.
It seems like for him he's at a point in your relationship where sex is setting down and isn't a top priority anymore. This is actually pretty normal. Four or five times a week is great if you have the time but he obviously doesn't so you either deal with it or move on. He's really busy it's not like he's just withholding to mean.
Honestly though I would just talk to him to see if he even wants to continue the relationship with you because he might want out or he really just might be tired.
Thanks this is good advice. He tells me everyday he loves me very much, so hopefully we can get past this.
It's nice to have that luxury. He cannot afford what you can afford (who pays your bills?)
For him, work comes first now if he doesn't want to drown in debt.
Please tell me he didn't go into CC debt because he was paying everything for you.
What on earth? I pay for my own rent and expenses and my parents pay for my student loans. They are more than happy to help me out and are thrilled I work part time to help myself out as well.
My boyfriend is not struggling to pay his bills by ANY means. He's lived on his own for years without a second job just fine. He took a second job for extra cash, not because there's a debt collector at his door.
If I am deemed selfish because I'm unhappy with our relationship as a result of his over stress and tiredness that he VOLUNTARILY puts himself through, then there is a problem. I bend over backwards for this man. Do all the driving to see him, by him snacks to make him feel better, stop going on dates as much because I understand he does want to save. Always there for him and make sure he's happy.
Well now I am not happy about something to a point I need to talk about it with him and I'm selfish!? If one parter is not happy in a relationship it needs to be worked on. I'm not going to be dismissed.
Both of my daughters went to school full-time and held down 30+ hour jobs. It can be done.
That, and the fact you only want HIM to make adjustments to suit you, tells me everything I need to know.
Hopefully, your boyfriend will figure it out; it sounds like he is well on his way.
I'm sure they weren't in medical school were they? My school is my full time job or I would fail. I wish I was lucky enough to work that much and still pass my classes.
Before the first year of us dating, we would have sex on average like 4-5 times week. He wanted it, it was great. He was a lot happier in my opinion and the relationship was even in terms of effort. Now we only do it once, maybe twice a week if I'm lucky and I always have to initiate.
So sometime in September my boyfriend started working a second job, 5 days a week, from his desktop computer from 11pm - 2am. He also works a regular 8-5 Monday through Friday. The sleep deprivation got really bad a few weeks ago and he cut the night job from 11pm - 1am instead, although I'm not sure how much that helps. His therapist told him to quit and he didn't listen because he was getting snappy at me and his family as a result of his lack of sleep. Also as a result of this, I believe our sex life is suffering. For the past few months, I initiate 90% of the time. He usually turns me down every time except on like Saturday nights. It's honestly really getting to me.
When I brought it up today after getting rejected again, he got upset and told me that I have to make it work. He told me it's my job that gets in the way. I only work 3 days a week, one job, 6pm - 11pm because I'm a student. I also come over his house after work like 4-5 days a week because his house is on the way home from mine. I also agreed to stop going out much on the weekends to help him save money and offer to pay half every time we go out. He rarely comes to my house and I try to be understanding because he's tired a lot but now I'm compromising on my basic needs.
I cannot empathize with this. Your boyfriend works alot. Ok. You got to work hard to survive. And I don't think sex should be a priority, as neither you or your boyfriend are married.
What on earth? I pay for my own rent and expenses and my parents pay for my student loans. They are more than happy to help me out and are thrilled I work part time to help myself out as well.
My boyfriend is not struggling to pay his bills by ANY means. He's lived on his own for years without a second job just fine. He took a second job for extra cash, not because there's a debt collector at his door.
If I am deemed selfish because I'm unhappy with our relationship as a result of his over stress and tiredness that he VOLUNTARILY puts himself through, then there is a problem. I bend over backwards for this man. Do all the driving to see him, by him snacks to make him feel better, stop going on dates as much because I understand he does want to save. Always there for him and make sure he's happy.
Well now I am not happy about something to a point I need to talk about it with him and I'm selfish!? If one parter is not happy in a relationship it needs to be worked on. I'm not going to be dismissed.
I guess part of the mystery is that you aren't simply acting on what's bolded, although the "I'm not going to be dismissed" part is a bit telling. It's really pretty simple, isn't it? If you really want to negotiate a solution, one thing that sticks out is that the second job is from 11pm til 2AM. If he could find something closer to his quit time at his full time job, he'd still be working long hours but he'd have a shot at getting more sleep. Even after or before fun time for the two of you.
The other thing that isn't clear is how long he believes he needs to work a second job. Would this be more tolerable for you if you knew he was quitting the second job in April, for example?
I guess part of the mystery is that you aren't simply acting on what's bolded, although the "I'm not going to be dismissed" part is a bit telling. It's really pretty simple, isn't it? If you really want to negotiate a solution, one thing that sticks out is that the second job is from 11pm til 2AM. If he could find something closer to his quit time at his full time job, he'd still be working long hours but he'd have a shot at getting more sleep. Even after or before fun time for the two of you.
The other thing that isn't clear is how long he believes he needs to work a second job. Would this be more tolerable for you if you knew he was quitting the second job in April, for example?
100% I would be fine with that. Even if he didn't work 11 - 2 am on Sunday nights I'd be happy and fine. Just one less day would make all the difference. We're talking about it today.
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