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Long story short, I have been married to my wife for 8 years and been really disappointed for the last 4 years as young kids grew up and she has not shown any responsibility towards earning for the family. She either spends time watching movies or meeting/talking to her family and friends or shopping etc. The worst case that she has in mind is the divorce where she can get 50% of my savings, alimony and child support... yes seriously. I tried so many ways to motivate her but she is not ambitious either and it has been proven time and again in the last 4 years.
I work 60 hours a week and make comfortable enough for the whole family to live and save some. I want to live better and cannot avoid afford working below 40/hours per week. I have 2 kids to care for and save for their education.
My concern is that I am getting too stressed and not able to spend time with family or even regular exercise to keep up the good health. What are my options, other than staying in the misery.
Please don't bring kids into this marriage. Kids don't make things better....
Obviously you didn't talk to her before you were married about her goals and desires. If you had found out she was that lazy why would you put a ring on it? You need to tell her she isn't going to be a "Kept" woman and she needs to get a job to help out. Few women these days are staying home without kids to take care of. (Unless wealthy) most women want to make their own money. Good Luck!
Please don't bring kids into this marriage. Kids don't make things better....
Obviously you didn't talk to her before you were married about her goals and desires. If you had found out she was that lazy why would you put a ring on it? You need to tell her she isn't going to be a "Kept" woman and she needs to get a job to help out. Few women these days are staying home without kids to take care of. (Unless wealthy) most women want to make their own money. Good Luck!
Talk to her OP. She's the one who can change the situation. We can't do anything for you unfortunately. Many people who don't have jobs don't know how fulfilling they can be, even if they are part time jobs. Not only is the person earning money and feeling good about that, but they can build friendships and have social interactions that they don't get from staying home. Not working can lead to a lot of isolation and loneliness. Having a job can do wonders toward improving a person's outlook on life.
have been married to my wife for 8 years and been really disappointed for the last 4 years
Long story short... as young kids grew up and she has not shown any responsibility towards earning
Long story short... Did she say she would work ...BEFORE you had kids??
Or did you tell her that you expected her to work... BEFORE you had kids?
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What are my options, other than staying in the misery.
Counseling. You need to go back and re-evaluate expectations.
Then re-negotiate your marriage.
Talk to her OP. She's the one who can change the situation. We can't do anything for you unfortunately. Many people who don't have jobs don't know how fulfilling they can be, even if they are part time jobs. Not only is the person earning money and feeling good about that, but they can build friendships and have social interactions that they don't get from staying home. Not working can lead to a lot of isolation and loneliness. Having a job can do wonders toward improving a person's outlook on life.
I have yet to have had a fulfilling job, so I'd say you're one of the lucky ones, lol!
Ask her to get a part time job to help pay for a vacation or college savings. Tell her you can't sustain the work load and remain happy. Ask for her help. Enlist her in planning for the future, whether it's home improvement, an earlier retirement, or whatever interests her.
Talk privately to an attorney now so you can get your affairs in order in case the worst happens.
What sticks out is that you work 60 hours per week, so can we safely assume she does the bulk of the childcare and gruntwork? You didn't mention how young the children are, but I wonder if she's hesitant to go back to work because she's thinking about how the heck she is going to hold down a job, take care of the housework, and make sure the kids needs are met.
Note: I'm not automatically taking sides with her. It's just that I have been there, with going back up work after having kids, and It's just not as simple as her getting a job and bringing home a paycheck. There needs to be a solid plan in place with dividing household duties (free tip: don't tell her the kids can help unless you are prepared to enforce it), childcare during the 80+ weekdays/year when school is out, who will get them to and from extracurriculars, medical and dental appointments, who will take off work when the kids are sick, who will take off work for parent-teacher conferences or events during the school day. Can she even find a job that coincides with school hours, so you're not paying for before- and afterschool care?
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