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Old 01-28-2017, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,638 posts, read 33,429,727 times
Reputation: 32355

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I was heartbroken to wake up this morning to find that a friend had taken her life after a breakup with her fiancee. She was heartbroken by the breakup and threatened to kill herself last night. My friends and I tried to talk her out of it in vain. Now we are all left to mourn that this woman gave her all to a man who gave her nothing.

- She moved to his country to live together.
- He didn't have a job.
- He played video games all day.
- He kept a messy home with no utilities
- He threw secrets she trusted him with in her face even including being raped.

In short, she was the worst kind of lonely, with someone else who had no regard or care for her. Her final FB post blamed herself for his lack of regard. It sickens me to the pit of my stomach to read that damn post and realize she killed herself over a dude that had no love or regard for her even as a person.

This is one of my biggest fears. Giving myself to a person who has no regard for me. I'm not going to use this tragedy as an excuse to not put myself out there. I have issues with putting myself out there but I want an honest chance to love someone who will return that love. I know I can write the story differently. I saw my mother get into many different relationships like my friend's but she is a strong no nonsense woman who was aware and left before those relationships sucked the life out of her. This young woman tragically didn't have that awareness or strength.

This is just a devastating tragedy that I hope CD can learn from.

Never give your life to someone who wont even give a damn to you. RIP KN.
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Old 01-28-2017, 11:31 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,639 posts, read 70,531,500 times
Reputation: 76618
Thank you, Diss. It's quite a cautionary tale for the people who come here asking whether they should move overseas to be with their guy. It's also a cautionary tale about heeding red flags, and I gather from your post there were plenty. And yes, it's a shame that good people give too much of themselves to not-good people, and end up messed-up or dead.

Good for you for trying to talk her out of it. I'm sure this is very difficult to deal with, given that you were so closely involved. I also have faith that you can find a balance between heeding red flags others may wave at you vs. projecting the red-flag bogeyman onto situations and people that don't warrant it.

RIP Diss's friend, and best wishes for Diss in his journey.
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Old 01-28-2017, 11:32 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,634 posts, read 4,876,149 times
Reputation: 12523
Oh that's awful!

I'm very sorry, Diss.
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Old 01-28-2017, 11:40 AM
 
Location: NNJ
9,523 posts, read 5,365,231 times
Reputation: 10477
Terrible. Sorry...

One of my fears is facing such life's difficulties without anyone to lean on....
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Old 01-28-2017, 12:10 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 8,393,332 times
Reputation: 12408
My heart goes out to you and all concerned mate.

That's awful
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Old 01-28-2017, 12:19 PM
 
3,811 posts, read 1,758,669 times
Reputation: 7508
That's so sad, Diss. I wish you and your friends well as you cope.
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Old 01-28-2017, 12:35 PM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,539,768 times
Reputation: 37896
I am sorry Diss. But I think you shouldn't try to ascribe reasons to why a person takes his or her life. It is rarely due to a single situation, but is more often the "final straw."

My daughter took her life almost 4 years ago, after a breakup at age 21. But it was something that was on my and her father's radar for years. A confluence of situations, mixing prescribed medications, inability to get therapy care covered on our insurance (pre Obamacare, no one would see her without insurance) and a few others. But it was 90% because she had poorly treated clinical depression.

I urge you to not play the blame game, and think of that poor young man who will have to carry needless guilt throughout his life. You don't know him, so try not to assume you know his heart or hers.
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Old 01-28-2017, 12:44 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 8,393,332 times
Reputation: 12408
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I am sorry Diss. But I think you shouldn't try to ascribe reasons to why a person takes his or her life. It is rarely due to a single situation, but is more often the "final straw."

My daughter took her life almost 4 years ago, after a breakup at age 21. But it was something that was on my and her father's radar for years. A confluence of situations, mixing prescribed medications, inability to get therapy care covered on our insurance (pre Obamacare, no one would see her without insurance) and a few others. But it was 90% because she had poorly treated clinical depression.

I urge you to not play the blame game, and think of that poor young man who will have to carry needless guilt throughout his life. You don't know him, so try not to assume you know his heart or hers.
Oh my Zen

I'm so sorry and my heart really does go out to you my love.
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Old 01-28-2017, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
2,492 posts, read 2,369,443 times
Reputation: 3869
She didn't kill herself over him. She killed herself because she was unhappy in the situation she put herself in and didn't seek to change it. We can't blame him or love or video games.
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Old 01-28-2017, 01:54 PM
 
12,337 posts, read 13,573,862 times
Reputation: 14325
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I am sorry Diss. But I think you shouldn't try to ascribe reasons to why a person takes his or her life. It is rarely due to a single situation, but is more often the "final straw."

My daughter took her life almost 4 years ago, after a breakup at age 21. But it was something that was on my and her father's radar for years. A confluence of situations, mixing prescribed medications, inability to get therapy care covered on our insurance (pre Obamacare, no one would see her without insurance) and a few others. But it was 90% because she had poorly treated clinical depression.

I urge you to not play the blame game, and think of that poor young man who will have to carry needless guilt throughout his life. You don't know him, so try not to assume you know his heart or hers.
This thread is very sad.

Hope you all can heal and keep going.

Dang Zen... I'm sorry!
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