Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm linking this up with the "Dating and Sex" thread which is still on the first page. There people were talking about having sex on a first date, which means basically between strangers. Nobody said "I'd always use a condom" but maybe that's assumed! I said I think it's better to give it some time, and talk before jumping into bed (and also, follow the policy of meeting in public places the first few times, which means your bed, or the other person's bed, isn't just a couple of yards away).
Depending on the general tone of messages on the dating site you use, you could say something like "I won't expect to have sex immediately". Not many people would have the nerve to say that, and I think women may appreciate it if they saw it from a man. It might lead to a conversation early on about what your expectations are about sex, and I think that would be a good thing. Don't assume that you'll automatically end up doing it, but be clear that if/when the time comes, you'll be responsible about it. Now is someone going to say that this will kill passion stone dead?
It's rather silly to think that you'll really be safer from STDs if you both just wait a few dates or even a few months. You can't tell by looking at someone or just because you feel good about someone or just because they are "nice" that they don't have an STD. You don't have to make any big judgement or decision - you just automatically use a condom unless you've both been tested. Doesn't mean they are bad or you are bad, you're just being smart.
Another vote for: get tested and leave it out of the online profile. How often, who-when-feelings-timing-condoms, etc.......are dependent on circumstances at the time and exactly who you're sharin' DNA fluids with.....
No one is going to be able to describe those circumstances to you on an online internet forum. You'll just know....
Even when I use a condom, I usually ask before anything happens if they're clean. I've heard that you can catch things through oral and that a condom is recommended during oral as well but I don't want to suck on latex. At least you can't catch HIV with oral. I've only had one person make a face when I asked if he was clean. I asked if he thought I was weird and he said "no, that's responsible", but it is true (and sad) that most people don't ask.
And I don't give a flying f*** if anybody thinks I'm weird for asking. Think about it, you're the one who's going to have to deal with it on your own if you catch anything. I've had false scares before when I saw bumps down there but I wasn't seeing the guy anymore. I have never felt so scared, embarrassed and alone with no one to comfort me and tell me everything's going to be ok, no one to take me to the clinic to get tested. I couldn't call him to yell at him because it was my fault and I should have been more responsible. I was too embarrassed to tell any of my friends and have them wallow in my misery with me. So I was relentlessly searching on the internet for symptoms and nasty pictures and finally I realized it might just be an ingrown hair from shaving and it turned out I was right. And maybe a little paranoid. But that's what will likely happen if you were to catch anything, so please be more responsible and don't be afraid to ask. /donepreaching
I refuse to do it raw if we're not in an exclusive relationship. I'll trust them by their word, but if it's casual sex, then I just won't do it if there's no condom. I did have one person stop me before anything happened and told me he wasn't clean, which was very considerate of him. Please don't mention STDs in your ad. Least sexy thing to do.
Last edited by Gabriella Geramia; 02-19-2017 at 07:37 PM..
Its obvious I have a lot to learn. I want to believe the women I meet would be looking for the same thing.
I would encourage you to stop with that mindset. Do not "want to believe" when going into a relationship, believe what you see. I know what you are saying and that is what you are looking for, and I think you will find it. Just make sure that your heart is not leading when your head (big one) should be.
Also, there are people out there who target widows/widowers, because they are vulnerable and could have just inherited life insurance.
There are lots of jerks out there, and lots of really nice people too.
I'll admit to you that I came to CD about a year into widowhood to familiarize myself with the current dating world also. I had only been with my husband for 18 years, and the thought of dating was daunting. I did wait a full 2 years to start dating. Before that was too much of risk of hurting others and myself unintentionally. You are always free to DM me anytime.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I've heard that you can catch things through oral and that a condom is recommended during oral as well but I don't want to suck on latex. At least you can't catch HIV with oral.
I know someone who developed throat cancer from oral HPV.
I don't use condoms. I am currently taking Truvada (PrEP). Therefore, I am able to have condom-free sex with the same degree of protection as if wearing a condom. It's great! However, it only protects against HIV, not other STD's.
I know someone who developed throat cancer from oral HPV.
My friend just went through surgery for mouth and throat cancer from the same thing. Lost part of her tongue.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
It's rather silly to think that you'll really be safer from STDs if you both just wait a few dates or even a few months. You can't tell by looking at someone or just because you feel good about someone or just because they are "nice" that they don't have an STD. You don't have to make any big judgement or decision - you just automatically use a condom unless you've both been tested. Doesn't mean they are bad or you are bad, you're just being smart.
I'm not so sure. You really can "feel good about someone" after getting to know them for a while. In the course of a month or two, they might go from total stranger to someone you'd trust your life to. If your new potential partner says they've just come out of a multi-year relationship, and neither of them had any STD's in that time, and you believe it, then obviously you're trusting them. Or it's also reasonable to say you'd feel more comfortable if you both got tested for all the diseases. But I wonder how many people who say that's a good idea have ever actually done it! My wife and I certainly didn't, but we told each other what our history of relationships had been (it didn't take long, on either side) and we agreed that we hadn't been taking too many risks. Maybe other people would have more to worry about.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I had only been with my husband for 18 years, and the thought of dating was daunting. I did wait a full 2 years to start dating. Before that was too much of risk of hurting others and myself unintentionally. You are always free to DM me anytime.
