Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hey there, I'm currently a California resident that has plans to head out-of-state for college to major in prenatal care and nursing. My biggest dream is to have a like-minded companion who I can see as both a best friend and romantic partner. Unfortunately, due to my social awkwardness and incompatibility with people in my area I've never had a relationship (excluding one with someone who only wanted to try me) . I don't know how to go about romance or when to expect it- I'm modest and I don't like dating around. I am very conservative, and I am also very serious when it comes to relationships.
In spite of being modest, I am extremely perverse when it comes to men I take a liking to (I'm still a virgin though). I obsess and dote over people often as well. I'm fearful that I will never find someone who will have feelings for me that I will be able to reciprocate as well, and I'm scared of social rejection as well.
Also, I LOVE southern men. They are such cute boys imho, and I would especially love to date one. I'm just afraid of reaching out to people, and pushing them away with my oddness, I'm pretty socially inept, although I am often told I am an old-soul. My ideal type of man is one who is ebullient, lively, yet mature. I love people who can be both whimsical and mature.
Can anyone give me some of their own input on where I could possibly fare well with the objective of finding a serious partner who I'd be compatible with? I will be relocating to another state in the near future and I'd like some ideas as to where I would be likely to find a guy who would be interested in me. . .
(Btw not sure if this matters but I'm Asian. I don't know if there are certain areas where men generally don't like Asians...)
OP, wouldn't your first priority be to find out where the good nursing/pre-natal care programs are? Then once you have a list, you can decide about which regional cultures might be most compatible with your social goals.
However, magic won't happen until you're able to get over your awkwardness and shyness. Also, the obsessing-and-doting thing will not do you any favors. I suspect that springs from neediness.
What I recommend is that you go to your (future) college's counseling center (ask about it at the health center), and start counseling to get help overcoming your awkwardness and the obsessing thing. It's free (you may have to try a couple of different counselors to find one that's a good fit). It's the only time in your life you'll have access to FREE psych counseling. Please take advantage of it; this is a priceless resource.
Good luck! Great that you're aware of the problem. Now all you need to do is get some help and support.
I'm conservative and a bit modest too and had similar questions about finding someone who is traditional.I also dote over people,I think it's a very celebrated feminine trait and I'm partly Asian so I really understand where you are coming from.
I would simply look online,the chances of finding someone who likes modesty,being conservative and the rest is much more likely online rather than the hectic modern world,esp since you are shy.
try omegle.com listing your interests.
I've always just been afraid of social rejection. I was never sheltered growing up, and I am the daughter of a teen mom- not an "older person". I have a decently sized social circle and I am blessed to have met several amazing people in my life. I'm always just scared of reaching out because of my experience with someone who made a mockery out of me using my own feelings, that was the one ex I had. Aside from him, I was never really interested in other people because I knew their paths in life were very different from my own, and people who had taken a liking to me were people I couldn't find interest in...
I was always studious and most people were never aware I was interested in relationships or anything. In my high school years I had no interest in attending dances, and felt distaste in boys I had known. I have a good idea of where I may end up going to pursue nursing, it is very likely I will be relocating to Texas if admissions go well for me. I'm just a dreamer and can't help but wonder what kinds of people there are in other places, and if things will end up going smoothly for me.
Part of this sounds like you just haven't met the right person yet. Give it time. At the very least, some (free!) counseling could give you some confidence, and some coaching for social skills.
People are pretty friendly in Texas, so that may bring you out of your shell. You may make some gf's in your dorm, and then from there, you may widen your circle of friends, perhaps with their help. One way to meet people is to join a couple of activities or clubs that interest you; push yourself out of your comfort zone to try that. The first year of college can feel isolating to some, so joining things can help deal with that.
You have to take risks to achieve anything, OP; I'm not sure what you mean exactly, by "social rejection". It's not like a whole dance hall, class, or meeting full of people will point and laugh at you just because you tried to talk to a guy. It's more like--some people won't find you interesting, you won't find others interesting; everyone's looking for somebody they click with. So, some individuals won't be attracted to you, and likewise (as you've already experienced) you won't be attracted to a lot of people. But the more you make an effort to circulate, the greater your chances of meeting someone you do find intriguing, and for whom the interest will be mutual.
I've always just been afraid of social rejection. I was never sheltered growing up, and I am the daughter of a teen mom- not an "older person". I have a decently sized social circle and I am blessed to have met several amazing people in my life. I'm always just scared of reaching out because of my experience with someone who made a mockery out of me using my own feelings, that was the one ex I had. Aside from him, I was never really interested in other people because I knew their paths in life were very different from my own, and people who had taken a liking to me were people I couldn't find interest in...
I was always studious and most people were never aware I was interested in relationships or anything. In my high school years I had no interest in attending dances, and felt distaste in boys I had known. I have a good idea of where I may end up going to pursue nursing, it is very likely I will be relocating to Texas if admissions go well for me. I'm just a dreamer and can't help but wonder what kinds of people there are in other places, and if things will end up going smoothly for me.
I agree with Ruth that the counseling center should be one of your first stops when you do get to college, if not before.
The transition to living on your own is incredibly difficult, and if you have emotional issues, which you do appear to have, then it can be traumatic. I am speaking from personal experience. You can find yourself going down many wrong paths in a search for happiness.
As tempting as it may be, PLEASE resist the urge to focus on your fantasy of finding a partner right now. There is a lot of personal growing up that you can do during the next several months, and it would be better to do that than to suffer through the trial and error of finding the so-called perfect man.
As tempting as it may be, PLEASE resist the urge to focus on your fantasy of finding a partner right now. There is a lot of personal growing up that you can do during the next several months, and it would be better to do that than to suffer through the trial and error of finding the so-called perfect man.
Right. Don't fall for the TV and movie images of college as being a big social whirl. Many students find quite the opposite; that it's hard to connect with others, and that the first year, maybe even two, are pretty impersonal. You have to make an effort to meet people, and for all the people you do meet, you may not find any guys you hit it off with for awhile. Which is just as well, because you'll probably be challenged with the academic side of it, and would do best not having a major distraction like the emotional roller-coaster that can characterize the beginning of a relationship, or several perhaps painful false starts on that path.
^ Thank you for your honest thoughts, and for taking the time to actually read and respond to my antics. I know now is not the right time to be thinking about this kind of thing, but I really do get restless sometimes thinking about "what ifs". I shouldn't do anything rash but I also don't have any personal experience of knowing when times are right for seeking romance.. I'd presume it'd be when you've already established a comfortable and/or stable life, but life is just so unpredictable that sometimes I just don't know and think and impulsively. I've had a lot of hurt in my life, but I've been able to overcome it emotionally- though I think it has greatly affected the way I cope with things, I spend much of my free-time fantasizing, and in the hours I spend with hobbies I still find myself daydreaming, thinking of the same things over and over again.
^ Thank you for your honest thoughts, and for taking the time to actually read and respond to my antics. I know now is not the right time to be thinking about this kind of thing, but I really do get restless sometimes thinking about "what ifs". I shouldn't do anything rash but I also don't have any personal experience of knowing when times are right for seeking romance.. I'd presume it'd be when you've already established a comfortable and/or stable life, but life is just so unpredictable that sometimes I just don't know and think and impulsively. I've had a lot of hurt in my life, but I've been able to overcome it emotionally- though I think it has greatly affected the way I cope with things, I spend much of my free-time fantasizing, and in the hours I spend with hobbies I still find myself daydreaming, thinking of the same things over and over again.
That's one of the reasons you need counseling ... to learn how to process real life and not resort to living in fantasy. But transitioning to college life with this kind of emotional uncertainty can be dangerous.
I will be honest ... The way you write about relationships makes it sound like you don't have very much experience dealing with people, as if you just got here a little while ago.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 02-26-2017 at 08:07 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. I don't know how to go about romance or when to expect it- I'm modest and I don't like dating around. I am very conservative, and I am also very serious when it comes to relationships. 
