Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Disclaimer: I have been a jerk, it is my mistake and I realize that but please help me. It is getting unbearable for me now.
Hi,
I am 26 years old. I have a girlfriend(A) since past 4 years. It wasn't a happy relationship for me, she's very caring but had been very dominating and nagging. I used to be really scared of her anger throughout.
I met someone(B) during the start of this year, she is everything that I always wanted. We both developed strong feeling for each other. I told her about my gf and that I am going to breakup with her soon.
After few days I did try to break up with my gf but she was insisting on giving her a second chance and was contemplating doing something to herself if I leave, so I couldn't leave her at that time.
I communicated this to the new girl as well and she was with me throughout as I had assured her that I would break up with my gf.
Now as time passed there was a status quo between me and my gf (there was no emotional or physical intimacy from my side during this period). My gf had some really important events coming up in her life within 2-3 months and breaking up with her would have emotionally ruined her. B understood this and was with me through this.
With time, after 2 months, I felt that there are some feeling remaining in me for A. So I thought, I'll gradually end things with B so that it doesn't hurt her much. At the same time, I had this thought that now that I have committed to B that I would end things with A, I better live upto it no matter what it means.
Since that time only, fights started happening between me and B regarding A, as she said that she has this feeling that I'm not going to break up with A. So I used to tell B that this is not the case and that I would end it soon. Since last few days, it started getting uglier and finally on Sunday it so happened that, B got very emotional that all this while I have just been playing around with her and never had any serious feeling for her. I tried telling her the that what she's thinking isn't true and by evening I made her to believe me that I need to step back to figure out my career.
Next day when we spoke, B said that let's not speak for a while till the time she gets over me. I agreed to it.
Since then, I have been nothing but miserable, crying throughout just wanting to talk to her. I'm not able to sleep properly, all my thoughts are around her only
Disclaimer: I have been a jerk, it is my mistake and I realize that but please help me. It is getting unbearable for me now.
Hi,
I am 26 years old. I have a girlfriend(A) since past 4 years. It wasn't a happy relationship for me, she's very caring but had been very dominating and nagging. I used to be really scared of her anger throughout.
I met someone(B) during the start of this year, she is everything that I always wanted. We both developed strong feeling for each other. I told her about my gf and that I am going to breakup with her soon.
After few days I did try to break up with my gf but she was insisting on giving her a second chance and was contemplating doing something to herself if I leave, so I couldn't leave her at that time.
I communicated this to the new girl as well and she was with me throughout as I had assured her that I would break up with my gf.
Now as time passed there was a status quo between me and my gf (there was no emotional or physical intimacy from my side during this period). My gf had some really important events coming up in her life within 2-3 months and breaking up with her would have emotionally ruined her. B understood this and was with me through this.
With time, after 2 months, I felt that there are some feeling remaining in me for A. So I thought, I'll gradually end things with B so that it doesn't hurt her much. At the same time, I had this thought that now that I have committed to B that I would end things with A, I better live upto it no matter what it means.
Since that time only, fights started happening between me and B regarding A, as she said that she has this feeling that I'm not going to break up with A. So I used to tell B that this is not the case and that I would end it soon. Since last few days, it started getting uglier and finally on Sunday it so happened that, B got very emotional that all this while I have just been playing around with her and never had any serious feeling for her. I tried telling her the that what she's thinking isn't true and by evening I made her to believe me that I need to step back to figure out my career.
Next day when we spoke, B said that let's not speak for a while till the time she gets over me. I agreed to it.
Since then, I have been nothing but miserable, crying throughout just wanting to talk to her. I'm not able to sleep properly, all my thoughts are around her only
LOL! Right, you need to step back and figure out your... career. That's hilarious.
I think the two ladies are both going to help you "figure things out" by ending their relationships with you. That should simplify things a great deal for you.
Threatening to hurt herself in some way is a manipulation tactic to keep you around. This is what some very manipulative people do. Please realize that no one is responsible for another person's decisions but that person. She is in complete control over her decisions. Trying to shift the blame to you is just a ploy.
Then you say some important events came up in her life that were so important, leaving her at that point would have ruined her. It may be true that she would have felt devastated, but what about now? You can leave her now. There will be no "perfect" time to break up. Just yank the Band-Aid off all at once, so to speak, and go. For your own peace of mind.
The fact that you stayed with her in spite of being afraid of her anger indicates that you have been an emotionally-battered partner. You may have stayed in part, because you saw the caring side of her. But there were also other sides to her that lead you to be unhappy. What battered partners do, is justify staying because they see the small good side someone has, and they brush aside the scary, upsetting bad side, with rationalizations. They also find it very hard to leave. They make excuses and find reasons not to leave.
That^^^ is you. Liberate yourself, and open yourself up to the potential of better, more loving relationships, by breaking up with A. And then, maybe B will notice, and give you a chance. But you should break up with A anyway, whether B comes back to you or not. You should do this for your own mental health and happiness.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
