Have any of you ever begun the detachment phase with your SO when you knew the relationship was basically over?

[AprilFlowers17]

Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30

Yes once years ago after she cheated on me, I'll give her all due credit as she came out and told me as she was consumed with guilt which I appreciated but naturally the trust wasn't there on my part anymore so it wasn't enough to prevent me from ending it.

I am of the same mindset as you, Londoncowboy. No matter how forthcoming an SO would be to me regarding their confessed infidelity, I would have definitely ended the relationship immediately - without hesitation. Once someone cheats and has ANY type of sexual relations with a person OTHER THAN their boyfriend/girlfriend, the trust has been *irretrievably broken*. FOREVER. To trust a cheater and give them another "chance" is a foolish exercise in futility.

It wasn't a nice situation obviously but luckily I've got my head screwed on and knew it couldn't continue so my detachment and my heartache wasn't as hard as you'd think

Yes, detachment is a lot easier when your SO has cheated on you or has done something else wrong to you that is unforgivable. OTOH, when your SO has not done something that serious to you but yet, they have hurt you immeasurably and have broken your heart beyond repair, detachment is a lot more difficult...and takes longer to follow through to completion.

[AprilFlowers17]

Originally Posted by augentier

My longest relationship was 2.5 years. It wasn't a bad relationship at all, but I felt we were growing apart in interests, hobbies, and affection. He was really starting to bore me and I realized I didn't have the sexual passion for him that I require in a relationship. I knew this because I started having a crush on someone else so I knew I had to end it.

I slowly started to give him more space, which he actually wanted, and I decided to move back to KS (we were living in Portland). I told him it was because I needed a break in order to gain perspective on the relationship and my own needs. Which was true. I wasn't sure exactly how it would feel to leave him. I said, if we can remain in contact and find that we really do miss each other and want to get back together, I'd move back.

He understood although it was hard. I had been distancing myself emotionally for a couple months so when I actually left, I was relieved but still sad. I bawled my eyes out for at least a week before leaving. I was leaving him alone in Portland with our two beloved cats. I felt like I was abandoning him but I had to leave because I just wasn't feeling it anymore and I was done trying and lying to myself.

Turns out it was for the best..especially for him. A few months after I left, he randomly met a woman while hiking and they fell in love and are now married! I think it was meant to be that I left him during that time..so that he could find her. I'm really happy for him. He is a great man. I hope she is good for him.

I ended up in the most intense and horrible relationship after him. Boy was that a lesson lol.

Anyway that's my little story. It is ok to move on. It will help both of you.

Thank you for sharing your experience with this. The parts of your post I've highlighted in bold is what I am currently experiencing and what will soon come to pass.

I do believe that God places certain people in our lives to fulfill a specific type of purpose. And once these people have served their purpose in our lives - whatever those reasons or lessons may be - He slowly (and sometimes abruptly) removes them from our life. Unfortunately, this is usually not a painless process for us; but in the end, it is for our benefit.

Btw...why didn't you take your kitties (or at least one of them) with you? I doubt I could've left my babies there!