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I am a married father of a little girl, and as time goes on it's becoming more and more clear to me that I'm not happy in my current situation. I do love my wife, but over the years we're becoming very different people. The sex and romance has gone by the wayside, and though I've tried to keep the spark alive I'm just tired of getting nothing back. From my perspective, we've become a pair of roommates that get along pretty well and just happen to also be parents of a child. Our priorities (other than our daughter) are also very different. I would like to move to the Midwest to be closer to family, friends, and that style of life, while she's seemingly content to live in our small apartment in the Bay Area that we can barely afford for the rest of her days.
As it is, I feel that the situation is what it is for at least a few more years, as our daughter has a learning disability and goes a school with a great program for kids like her, and I don't want to mess that up. But how much longer? I want to do right by her and be the best parent I can. But I'm also afraid that if I wait too long, I'll be too old to go for any new opportunities and I'll be stuck in a life that I'm not really happy with. When looking up how a divorce affects kids, I've seen everything from "not nearly as much as you'd think" to "stick it out as long as you humanly can unless you or the kids are being abused". I'm at a loss here.
So have you already checked out of the marriage? What is communication like with your wife? Is she willing to talk to you about these things, and/or be willing to go to marriage counselling?
Absent abuse or infidelity I believe married couples have an obligation to their children to keep the family together for their sake. Their happiness is more important than yours. You will soon see that I hold the minority opinion on this board however, and most seem to believe if you are not happy the relationship will be unhealthy and that will be more damaging to the kids than breaking up their family and probably removing one of their parents from their lives as a major physical presence would be.
You seem to know both sides of the argument already though. What do you think?
I am a married father of a little girl, and as time goes on it's becoming more and more clear to me that I'm not happy in my current situation. I do love my wife, but over the years we're becoming very different people. The sex and romance has gone by the wayside, and though I've tried to keep the spark alive I'm just tired of getting nothing back. From my perspective, we've become a pair of roommates that get along pretty well and just happen to also be parents of a child. Our priorities (other than our daughter) are also very different. I would like to move to the Midwest to be closer to family, friends, and that style of life, while she's seemingly content to live in our small apartment in the Bay Area that we can barely afford for the rest of her days.
As it is, I feel that the situation is what it is for at least a few more years, as our daughter has a learning disability and goes a school with a great program for kids like her, and I don't want to mess that up. But how much longer? I want to do right by her and be the best parent I can. But I'm also afraid that if I wait too long, I'll be too old to go for any new opportunities and I'll be stuck in a life that I'm not really happy with. When looking up how a divorce affects kids, I've seen everything from "not nearly as much as you'd think" to "stick it out as long as you humanly can unless you or the kids are being abused". I'm at a loss here.
Absent abuse or infidelity I believe married couples have an obligation to their children to keep the family together for their sake. Their happiness is more important than yours. You will soon see that I hold the minority opinion on this board however, and most seem to believe if you are not happy the relationship will be unhealthy and that will be more damaging to the kids than breaking up their family and probably removing one of their parents from their lives as a major physical presence would be.
You seem to know both sides of the argument already though. What do you think?
I agree with you, and I'm divorced. Marriages can be improved with effort. If two people get along and love their kids, they can make it work until the kids fly the nest. They can even build something better once their parenting duties are over.
Why is it the first thing a guy says is that the sex and romance have gone. ...and right - have they (you, OP!) tried anything beyond slapping her on the behind on the way to the bedroom (alone, since she's not following you)?
Why is it always assumed the lack of sexual desire (or intimacy in general) in a relationship is from lack of effort on only one side of things?
That's not usually the case at all. It's usually two people both unwilling in their own ways to accept one another that creates no empathy for effort.
Let's just say that if he REALLY tries to show her a good time (however she defines it) she might be more into it...instead of nagging and complaining.
Let's just say that if he REALLY tries to show her a good time (however she defines it) she might be more into it...instead of nagging and complaining.
That assumes (again) that it's only one person at fault in the decline of intimacy and that doing good deeds will magically fix everything for everyone.
It takes both people to meet the others needs in the way they need them to create intimacy, not just one.
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