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As an educator, I doubt she makes anything significant. And I recall OP saying that they live in a 2bdrm ranch. That is why I think that a divorce for OP would most likely mean a life of poverty. After he pays for his kids and wife...
I was one of the few lucky ones who had a great marriage. But it did take a lot of communication to make it work. Today, the life I lived is getting more and more rare.
Is it any wonder men have little incentive to marry? And its not an opinion. Marriage in the US is at a record low.
2. Because there’s nothing in it for them: What exactly does marriage offer men today? “Men know there’s a good chance they’ll lose their friends, their respect, their space, their sex life, their money and — if it all goes wrong — their family,” says Helen Smith, Ph.D., author of "Men on Strike." “They don’t want to enter into a legal contract with someone who could effectively take half their savings, pension and property when the honeymoon period is over.Men aren’t wimping out by staying unmarried or being commitment phobes. They’re being smart.”
That link is a tad biased, though. <cough>Fox News<cough> Why would a man inherently lose his friends or respect or the life he wants by being married? It's true that someone in a relationship can't live or make decisions as if they are single, but most women today have lives and assets of their own that would be on the line. In that sense, marriage is a risk for both involved, and both people need to go in with their eyes open.
I see things like this all the time, and maybe they mean younger men who have never been married before, but many men who have divorced, get married again, and in many cases very quickly after their divorce. Three friends of mine who haven't even been divorced two years are getting married again this year! So I hear stuff like this all the time, about how horrible marriage is for men, but it seems that many of them are in a big hurry to do it.
Among those eligible to remarry—adults whose first marriage ended in divorce or widowhood—men are much more likely than women to have taken the plunge again. In 2013, some 64% of eligible men had remarried, compared with 52% of women.9
Why would anyone assume in this day and age that women don't have homes, pensions and savings that they could lose in a divorce?
I had to pay my ex $50,000 to get out of my marriage, and that was a decade ago.
If you don't want to risk your assets, don't marry someone you have to support. There are millions of women in the US making $100K+. Find one.
True, but in a lot of marriages with kids women still make less than men. Kids usually stay with a woman so she essentially gets child support money. And child support usually pays for more than kids needs. And if a woman makes less, she often gets alimony. The rule that children should live in the same life style as before divorce essentially means that men end up living in poverty.. And in general, divorce courts are more sympathetic to women...
And child support usually pays for more than kids needs. And if a woman makes less, she often gets alimony.
Both of these statements are not quite true. Child support payments are often peanuts, so much so that the custodial parent is often paying much more to cover their children's expenses. And alimony is rare--it's hard to find statistics, but it's probably awarded in around 10% of divorce settlements, and for a fixed amount of time.
Yes, marriage is a risk, and yes, divorce sucks, but it's the 2017 and the risks and the suckage aren't inherently divided on gender lines. Women have money; men are active, involved parents. Everyone can advocate for themselves.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 04-07-2017 at 10:31 AM..
I was one of the few lucky ones who had a great marriage. But it did take a lot of communication to make it work. Today, the life I lived is getting more and more rare.
Is it any wonder men have little incentive to marry? And its not an opinion. Marriage in the US is at a record low.
2. Because there’s nothing in it for them: What exactly does marriage offer men today? “Men know there’s a good chance they’ll lose their friends, their respect, their space, their sex life, their money and — if it all goes wrong — their family,” says Helen Smith, Ph.D., author of "Men on Strike." “They don’t want to enter into a legal contract with someone who could effectively take half their savings, pension and property when the honeymoon period is over.Men aren’t wimping out by staying unmarried or being commitment phobes. They’re being smart.”
Good article, especially this part:
Quote:
If women no longer expect or even want men to “take care of” them — since women can do everything men can do and better, thank you very much, feminism — perhaps the flipside is the assumption that women don’t need to take care of husbands, either. And if no one’s taking care of anyone, why the hell marry?
I've been reading a lot recently about (for women) the concept of "leaning back" in a relationship with a man. The gist is that women are projecting too much masculine energy into their relationships. They are too pushy, too controlling. And then they wonder why men run from them and they end up alone. If the woman is so capable of "running the show," what does she need a man for?
Everyone in this thread keeps mentioning divorce or leaving as if it is a simple or possible solution.
No, everyone doesn't. Most acknowledge that, despite best intentions, some problems can't be solved otherwise,, and parting ways is the only option left that allows both patients to move on with life and pursue their goals, healthy relationships, provide healthy modeling for their children, etc.
Yes, of course the OP is going to maintain economic and emotional responsibility for parenting, as does any parent, divorce or no. That's what parenting is. Short of surrendering them into the system, you don't get to divorce yourself from that responsibility, and you know that when you have kids. This is to be expected, and nothing millions of parents are unaware of.
Divorce isn't great, simple, easy, or to be taken with a grain of salt.
But neither is staying in an unhealthy, unhappy, dysfunctional marriage that numerous legitimate attempts to fix have been unsuccessful at fixing.
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