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My husband invited me to a trip with some of his family in California 3 weeks ago. I said yes.
8 years ago I experience a very terrifying experience in a flight - an emergency take off that almost made the plane crash. Ever since I have been terrified of flying and fear has gotten worse. My husband instead that we would fly to CA to saving time. I thought it would be better to go to face my fear and cure it. I also don't want to miss out on experiences b/c of this. However, the past week I have been TERRIFIED, almost every hour I am thinking of the flight and dreading it. Before, I used to get scared too, but one night in advance not a FULL WEEK in advance.
2 days ago I started telling him I might not want to go and he got extremely pissed. He has already bought my ticket and made specific plans to accommodate me. I offered to pay him back. Regardless, he is still angry. I understand his frustration, but if I could go back and say no to the trip I would. In a way, I have also been craving some time alone to get more done. However now that his plans are made - thinking I would go - he will be having to stay much longer too.
To be able to go on the trip, I have also had to ask a professor to reschedule my final exam. Professor had said yes last week and today I got a call that the Dean of the School of Business says all students must attend or will lose a portion of the grade. Now he says I have to go to my exam, unless I can find a way to make an exception and not damage my grade. I think it's stupid, because that is not my fault and I should be able to make my own decisions.
Is he being reasonable considering ending the relationship because of this? Am I really that bad of a person for backing out like this?
Make an appointment with a counselor who specializes in helping patients resolve fear of flying. It's very common, OP. It will take some time, so you won't be able to go this time, but you'll get to the point where you'll be ok with flying. Your husband should support you in this.
Take your exam with the rest of the class, stay home from the trip, but begin counseling for the fear of flying. If your husband chooses to divorce you, even though you're taking clear steps to overcome your fear, he's not much of a husband. Has he shown any concern for your fear of flying and your symptoms, or is he all about him, and the inconvenience and expense you've caused?
Sounds like you would be better off without being married to such an inconsiderate person. He is being selfish and unreasonable. Make your own decision. You have that right. You should be more important to him than his family.
Make an appointment with a counselor who specializes in helping patients resolve fear of flying. It's very common, OP. It will take some time, so you won't be able to go this time, but you'll get to the point where you'll be ok with flying. Your husband should support you in this.
Take your exam with the rest of the class, stay home from the trip, but begin counseling for the fear of flying. If your husband chooses to divorce you, even though you're taking clear steps to overcome your fear, he's not much of a husband. Has he shown any concern for your fear of flying and your symptoms, or is he all about him, and the inconvenience and expense you've caused?
Yes I've looked into doing that. I definitely will!
He is as supportive as can be, even though he doesn't understand the fear. He has tried to reassure me he would calm me down in the flight. For him the fact that flying is safe is so certain that he just doesn't understand it. I think he's just upset that I said yes to the trip and now last minute backed out. I am sure if I had said no when he asked he would be sad but fine with it. I understand what I am doing is also not so nice.
Phobias are not uncommon. There are spouses who are aware of phobias their partners may suffer from and do not incorporate them into ultimatums, but respond with understanding, compassion, and a desire to help, versus anger and irritation.
Are there other indiction of marital trouble, or is this unique?
Last edited by TabulaRasa; 04-20-2017 at 08:26 PM..
Yeah, willing to bet theres more to this story...you dont divorce over one situation.
There's always more to the story! I didn't want to write a whole novel. In general, we have had an ok relationship though we've had some bumps in the road - like all couples. He does find me quite indecisive and he is 100% right I am. He has told me he really wants to share the trip with me and I guess he is just frustrated that I am backing out over something he considers so "stupid" (which logically he is right).
Phobias are not uncommon. There are spouses who ate aware of phobias their partners may suffer from and do not incorporate them into ultimatums, but respond with understanding, compassion, and a desire to help, versus anger and irritation.
Sure, if fear of flying is the only one. If the OP has a big pile of other issues that are constantly getting in the way, this trip could have been the breaking point for the spouse.
Phobias are not uncommon. There are spouses who ate aware of phobias their partners may suffer from and do not incorporate them into ultimatums, but respond with understanding, compassion, and a desire to help, versus anger and irritation.
Are there other indiction of marItal trouble, or is this unique?
Agreed 100%.
He has tried to be compassionated and assured me he would calm me down on the flight (unless he's the pilot not gonna help). I think he is just upset I am backing out NOW instead of saying no when he was buying the tickets and making the plans for us. For example, he has bought certain couple activities for us to do that are now non-refundable.
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